im shy around girls - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 09:40 AM Thread Starter
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im shy around girls


never had a girlfriend, never even had sex..... im not much able to talk to men either, i struggle at that too but when i speak to women i just get tongue tied, nervous and tend to blush badly......is there hope for me?
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 10:23 AM
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Yes, there's hope. I was much like you for many, many years. My problem with speaking to people was rooted in my low self esteem. I thought of myself as a loser and worried others would see the same if I opened my mouth.

Going to therapy, practicing CBT and the passage of time helped me to recognize that I do have worth and that the people I talk to have their own hidden problems and insecurities they're dealing with. This in turn made speaking to them easier.

I also think you should read Mark Manson's 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****'. I've always cared too much what other people thought of me and that prevented me from engaging in conversation. The book helped me to stop caring about things that are out of my control (i.e. what someone thinks of me).
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 11:14 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jhinds View Post

I also think you should read Mark Manson's 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****'. I've always cared too much what other people thought of me and that prevented me from engaging in conversation. The book helped me to stop caring about things that are out of my control (i.e. what someone thinks of me).
That's a good book I've borrowed it again from the library a few days ago to finish it. What stuck with me is when he talks about responsibility. Sometimes you're not at fault, but you are still responsible for how you react to things.

(Protector, Gentle) -> Assertive
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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 12:03 PM
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Nothing wrong with being shy, guess everybody is shy sometimes. But when that shyness stops you from doing something you'd like... that's where problems start. I have no problem talking to women, overall. But if i like them like i'd really like to have a relationship with that woman, i just can't even dare to look at them. That's how bad my APD is: i am terrified of being rejected or mocked by them because it happened to me in the past, in my early teens so i don't want to go through that ever again.

“I swear to you gentlemen, that to be overly conscious is a sickness, a real, thorough sickness.”

- Fyodor Dostoevsky Notes From The Underground

"It’s noble to be timid, illustrious to fail to act, sublime to be inept at living....”

- Fernando Pessoa The Book Of Disquiet

"Praying for the wave to come now
It must be for the very last time
It's twelve o'clock till midnight
There must be someone to blame..."

-Manic Street Preachers Australia
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 01:04 PM
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It's not uncommon. Y'know, I wonder if the presence of a sibling of the sex in question (and an appropriate age) helps to avoid this. I think it did for me because my SA has no preference in regards to sex. Then again, I've also never tried to pursue a relationship or anything like that, and I never accepted that you have to conduct yourself differently depending on the person's sex.
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