im shy around girls - Social Anxiety Forum
 
Thread Tools
post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 09:40 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 198

im shy around girls


never had a girlfriend, never even had sex..... im not much able to talk to men either, i struggle at that too but when i speak to women i just get tongue tied, nervous and tend to blush badly......is there hope for me?
irishkarl is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 10:23 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Gender: Male
Age: 53
Posts: 322
Yes, there's hope. I was much like you for many, many years. My problem with speaking to people was rooted in my low self esteem. I thought of myself as a loser and worried others would see the same if I opened my mouth.

Going to therapy, practicing CBT and the passage of time helped me to recognize that I do have worth and that the people I talk to have their own hidden problems and insecurities they're dealing with. This in turn made speaking to them easier.

I also think you should read Mark Manson's 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a ****'. I've always cared too much what other people thought of me and that prevented me from engaging in conversation. The book helped me to stop caring about things that are out of my control (i.e. what someone thinks of me).
jhinds is online now  
post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 12:03 PM
Nowhere Man
 
max87's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Mexico
Gender: Male
Age: 33
Posts: 823
My Mood: Bored
Nothing wrong with being shy, guess everybody is shy sometimes. But when that shyness stops you from doing something you'd like... that's where problems start. I have no problem talking to women, overall. But if i like them like i'd really like to have a relationship with that woman, i just can't even dare to look at them. That's how bad my APD is: i am terrified of being rejected or mocked by them because it happened to me in the past, in my early teens so i don't want to go through that ever again.

I swear to you gentlemen, that to be overly conscious is a sickness, a real, thorough sickness.

- Fyodor Dostoevsky Notes From The Underground

"Its noble to be timid, illustrious to fail to act, sublime to be inept at living....

- Fernando Pessoa The Book Of Disquiet

"Praying for the wave to come now
It must be for the very last time
It's twelve o'clock till midnight
There must be someone to blame..."

-Manic Street Preachers Australia
max87 is offline  
 
post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 01:04 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: State Home for the Ugly
Age: 33
Posts: 4,769
My Mood: Fine
It's not uncommon. Y'know, I wonder if the presence of a sibling of the sex in question (and an appropriate age) helps to avoid this. I think it did for me because my SA has no preference in regards to sex. Then again, I've also never tried to pursue a relationship or anything like that, and I never accepted that you have to conduct yourself differently depending on the person's sex.
ScorchedEarth is online now  
post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-06-2020, 01:22 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: India
Gender: Male
Age: 34
Posts: 63
Same problem with me. Never been in any meaningful relationships. I can talk at professional level or if am not attracted, could try holding a conversation. Gets worse if they realise how weird I am. But nothing more. Am in mid 30s and still haven't been able to deal with it. Just keeps getting worse.
abhinav21 is offline  
post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-09-2020, 06:19 PM
SAS Member
 
StrangeGirlInTheCorner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Posts: 3
Sex isn't a big deal, I don't know why society makes people feel like they lost at life because they haven't done the deed, It's okay. And I get nervous around men, especially men with deep voices it scares me.
StrangeGirlInTheCorner is offline  
post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-09-2020, 09:48 PM
SAS Member
 
chrisinmd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: Maryland
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,280
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishkarl View Post
never had a girlfriend, never even had sex..... im not much able to talk to men either, i struggle at that too but when i speak to women i just get tongue tied, nervous and tend to blush badly......is there hope for me?
Its a common probaly a lot of people have had. I did as well when I was in school and into my early 20's. How old are you?

My advice is to keep it simple. Come up with a couple good conversation starters to get talking. Here are some good ones.

Also try online dating to get introduced to women and then you can meet up for a date and practice your conversation skills. Speed dating events are a good idea as well to meet women. Meetup groups great way to meet women. Just pick a group that interests you
chrisinmd is offline  
post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-09-2020, 10:14 PM
SAS Member
 
FritzThird's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2020
Location: USA
Language: English
Gender: Male
Posts: 23
My Mood: Paranoid
Quote:
Originally Posted by irishkarl View Post
never had a girlfriend, never even had sex..... im not much able to talk to men either, i struggle at that too but when i speak to women i just get tongue tied, nervous and tend to blush badly......is there hope for me?
My girlfriend was introduced to me by a neighbor. I thought I would always be alone, but miracles do happen. I bet you'll find your significant other, someday, somehow.

When I used to approach a girl, just like you, I got tongue-tied. Also, I shook like a leaf, blushed, and started to panic. It didn't help when the girls would point out that I was blushing. I did try but failed.

Fall seven times, get up eight.
FritzThird is offline  
post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 10-10-2020, 02:48 AM
SAS Member
 
Denwil24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Leduc AB
Gender: Male
Posts: 316
Look into testosterone, or something that can increase your sex drive and aggression. If you do not have those things, you will not have the drive or motivation.
Denwil24 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome