I will never beat my sa - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-26-2016, 11:50 PM Thread Starter
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I will never beat my sa

I will probably never beat my social anxiety or social awkwardness. I can fight forever like some brave hero from some movie, against my fate to be lonely and miserable forever, but I will probably never win.

How many of you have tried, over and over again, and failed, to become socially successful and accepted?

Don't be mad, hatin is bad
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-26-2016, 11:55 PM
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yea me too i know the feeling its really hard my friends and family keep telling me to act normal. its all in your head. they don't understand do they think i want to be like this or chose too. but i keep trying to better myself for me and nobody else.

As i look back on my life, i realize every time i thought i was being REJECTED from something good, i was actually be re-directed to something better
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 12:49 AM
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I will never beat my sa as long as I keep allowing it to beat me, maybe I am different and the world must accept that. Rather than shooting down a school or wasting my entire life in anguish. Ishall make a change within my own self for the first time. Maybe this immense fear is nothing bigger than a simple fear of self mockery. Nothing can hurt me without my own consent. Now is the time to accept myself with self love and self respect.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 12:57 AM
forever single
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Personally speaking, I've tried and failed at improving myself. Whilst I accept most of my early twenties were written off due to depression, I've put myself very much out there in my later twenties. A self-enforced 'exposure' therapy as such. Obviously regular people can push themselves much harder, but I've pushed myself to the point of almost making myself ill on several occasions. I've been out more often than I was in my teens, visited more places and even changed jobs to work in an office full of ladies. I've changed most of my wardrobe and in recent times even changed my hairstyle. I've also attempted to grow stubble – which is a current trend for men. I've been back in touch with an old friend of mine who had an argument with me ten years ago and I've even taken part in social activities such as Bowling, when I really didn't want to. I have put in a lot of legwork over the last five years or so.

The general public's response to all of this? "You need to make more effort" and "It's all your fault". Thanks. Thanks a lot. What a huge confidence and self-esteem booster that is. My efforts aren't even acknowledged. Not a single one of them. Rubbish like this is one of the main reasons why I have SA – people's completely dismissive and ignorant nature towards me. Whatever I do, it hasn't worked. It's resulted in further snubbing or insults. This is all I've ever known and is the reason why I folded in on myself and went into depression in the first place. I've basically gone around in a full circle over the last ten years and I've had no rewards for my efforts.

I honestly don't know what else I can do, barring walking into every pub and club across the land and start dancing on top of all the tabletops, clapping my hands. No one else I know (away from this forum) has to endure this relentless, dismissive nature towards a person and yet, no one can see how they're affecting me. I'm certainly not doing this all to myself. I'm jumping through the hoops people are putting in front of me and whilst I struggle to do them, there's nothing there at the end of it all to encourage me to continue. There's no motive to be motivated. Other people get compliments, rewards and acknowledgements. I don't… This is why I'm sick of making effort as I'm literally the only person who doesn't get any 'Brownie Points' for it. Again, another reason why I have SA.

I believe social anxiety can be improved (not cured). However, I genuinely believe it's something that we can't 'get over' alone. However, we never get that help as it's basically non-existent due to the complete misunderstanding of what the condition is. It's not something you can take pills for and expect it to go away like a small virus. It's not something we can just click our fingers and change our entire mindset to, on someone's say-so. It'll take external help and external forces to show us that we are welcomed in society. That we can be spoken to as equal human beings and not snubbed or insulted. They need to show that they can be friends to us…

Without genuine external help to give us that push forwards, I don't think that there is a solution for us. I've seen more than enough to accept that this really isn't a battle we can face alone. We're just swimming against the tide, otherwise.

It never fails to amuse me at how obtuse some medical professionals and the general public can be to our plight. These are people who aren't in our position and they can get help (whenever they need it) from all their friends. They aren't expected to do anything alone. However, they happily tell us that we can't seek help from others and we are alone in trying to help ourselves. Rather ironic given we've gone to them for the very reason we can't do this alone… This in itself only heightens our SA as it reinforces our thoughts and feelings that we really are alone with this problem and that no one understands. Yet, they simply refuse to see it this way and immediately accuse us of being dismissive when they're not looking at their own comments and actions towards us.

"My life is an endless purgatory, interrupted by profound moments of misery"

My Blog: https://haymansafc.wordpress.com/
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 01:04 AM
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Not with that attitude you won't. (Someone had to say it)

I've beaten it once, randomly entering a very accepting community and I'm close to beating it again. Sure, you'll fail a lot of times, but eventually you can make it. You need to find the source and work it out and try to push yourself just a little bit at a time, not too much.

Embrace the glorious mess that you are
Elizabeth Gilbert

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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 01:12 AM
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"The only ones who are truly defeated are those who put their hands down."
That is a poorly translated quote from a Latin American leader, Pepe Mujica.

I know how you feel though, but humans want progress naturally and we can make a lot of progress but as soon as we compare ourselves to others that is when we **** everything up.
I think to transcend these psychological issues there needs to be a shift in consciousness. In other words we can't keep looking at things the same way..Your ego wants to overcome sa so people can like you, for example..that isnt a good idea, you have to find a way to not give a **** or be willing to accept not everyone will like you and weird enough i think this is a way the anxiety or awkwardness will decrease.

This is my view of it at least and it is way and i struggle with it but i think it is better than feeling self defeated all the time or giving up too early.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 01:29 AM
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I am trying, oh how I am trying yet it never works out, I don't have one person who shows me support, no one understands and its driving me crazy, and I am so scared I will be all alone in the world one day.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 01:37 AM
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I think being this way too long makes it harder to overcome.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 04:22 AM
ssɐlƃ ƃuᴉʞool ǝɥʇ ɥƃnoɹɥ┴
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It will never happen for me, but I can make accommodations for myself and live a relatively decent life as far as what I consider to be decent.

Live and let live
"Whoever fights monsters should
see to it that in the process he does not become a
monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss,
the abyss will gaze back into you."


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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 04:27 AM
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There is no cure for it. You're not supposed to 'beat' it, you're supposed to learn how to deal/manage it appropriately so you can live a functional life.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 04:31 AM
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Yep, I've been trying but its really hard to improve. But the only thing we can do is keep trying, we don't know what the future holds.

~ How can I build Your kingdom if I'm building my own
How can You be my treasure if I'm digging for gold
How can You be my fire if my heart has grown cold
How can You be my future if I've made this my home ~ Love & the Outcome
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 01-27-2016, 04:39 AM
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I feel the same way but I'm not giving up...I will keep trying fall down 7 times get up 8.
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