Hmm...from the way you describe her
, she sounds like a classic case of a lady 'testing the water'. Someone who'll be friends with several men (usually alphas, but not always) and then picks and chooses who she wants, when she wants. This appears to be how the dating scene works these days and I'm sorry, but I find it atrocious how one-sided it's become. How perfectly decent men can just be tossed to one side, often in relatively quick succession, without thought to their feelings...
It looks as if you've fallen into the same trap I did. The trap of putting someone up on a pedestal and looking 'up' to them. Trying to taylor your own interests to hers (maybe done subconsciously) without trying to be happy with yourself. Sadly, this gives her the upper-hand and immediately puts you in a position of weakness. A position where you can be used and strung-along. Seriously...don't do this. I know how painful it is when it all comes crashing down around you, despite your honest and genuine efforts to try and positively get her attention to try and develop a relationship.
I concentrated my efforts on my former crush for two years before I finally accepted that not only there wasn't going to be anything between us, but a lot of what she was saying about being "unlucky in love
" was, lets just say, bending the truth to the extreme? Why? She admitted that she's had a couple of brief flings in her distant past and seemed to enjoy one particular bedroom activity and rejecting them afterwards.
She also openly admitted she was very picky and despite moaning that no one wanted her, she was telling guys to " 'f' off
" at the local pubs and clubs as they weren't "her type
Not only did I put her on a pedestal, she was also putting herself up on one also - thinking she was better than she really was. A toxic combination.
A bit like yourself with your 'crush' though, I'm struggling to stop thinking about her. It's horrible isn't it?! This is what I'm trying to deal with at the moment and trying to find ways and means to get around it and perhaps lose those last remnants of feelings towards her. What makes it difficult is that she's a work colleague - and sits side-on about ten feet in front of me, nine hours a day, five days a week...
Honestly, I'd be taking the advice as already mentioned earlier on in this thread. Never, ever wait for a lady to come to you. Especially males like ourselves who have SA. It never happens and even if they are friendly to you - it's only because they're 'testing the water'. This is something I've found out for myself and began to accept in recent years. If you don't have that flamboyant care-free nature (which males like us don't), you'll never be the number one choice. You're just someone to talk to whilst she's jumping from one boyfriend to another - no-doubt breaking their hearts at the same time too. I suppose you could also refer to this as 'trying before buying'. Sadly, it's been taken to the extreme these days and now it seems morally acceptable to do, without any fear of ridicule.
Sadly, this seems to be the world us SA guys live in when it comes to relationships. We think we might, ever-so-slightly, be getting somewhere with one particular lady. Someone who is willing to vaguely communicate with us, out of a sea of otherwise complete snubbing. However, it all inevitably comes crashing down around us. We’re either being strung-along like other men queueing up for them (again - the unfair way the dating scene works these days), or because of our severe inexperience, are simply misreading non-existent signs.
To be honest with you, I think the only answer is for us to take ourselves off the market and try to concentrate on making ourselves happier, stronger, independent people. Away from the dating scene altogether. What will be, will be... (or won't, rather).