"I used to be quiet like you" - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-06-2020, 04:01 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Cool Ice Dude55 View Post
I remember being told that as a teen. It's really patronising and rude. Like...don't compare yourself to me? Anyway being quiet and having social anxiety disorder are two very different things.
Different things, yes, but not necessarily unrelated. As my anxiety and personality are both components that contribute to my "quietness." Sometimes the reverse is true, when I feel I simply don't have it in me to entertain/conversate with someone else, and I become anxious over being judged for not talking.

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post #22 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 06:28 PM
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A former manager told me something similar once. She said that another employee used to be "quiet just like you" until one day he suddenly emerged from his shell and became the life of the team. I guess she was hoping the same for me, but it never happened in the three years I worked there. It just made me feel bad knowing that she thought I was too quiet and expected me to change.
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post #23 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 07:27 PM Thread Starter
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A former manager told me something similar once. She said that another employee used to be "quiet just like you" until one day he suddenly emerged from his shell and became the life of the team. I guess she was hoping the same for me, but it never happened in the three years I worked there. It just made me feel bad knowing that she thought I was too quiet and expected me to change.
Yeah, and that's why the phrase bothers me. It is as if they are suggesting you are not good enough as you are, as if to be quiet is an innately bad attribute.

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post #24 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-08-2020, 07:48 PM
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It's when outgoing people claim they're 'shy' that I don't like.

The world is quiet here.

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post #25 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 01:33 AM
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You should answer "Yeah & I used to an @$$hole like you, evolution baby"
How does responding to well-meaning comments with overly defensive sarcasm help you?
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post #26 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 03:19 AM
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How does responding to well-meaning comments with overly defensive sarcasm help you?
Well meaning ? Not sure I've ever had a well meaning comment about being quiet, I was bullied & made fun off alot when I was younger because of it, so its probably a knee jerk reaction.






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post #27 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 04:59 AM
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I can't think of a context where "I used to be quiet like you" is anything other than well-meaning. Does it help? It depends. Is it a sensible thing to say? Maybe not.
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post #28 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-15-2020, 09:03 PM
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ive never heard this lol
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post #29 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-19-2020, 04:47 PM
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It's people like that I can't stand. You can usually tell who they are because they get mad at you when you reject their advice.
And that's all they care about. They want to be a "savior" and feel superior. It's all so tiresome.
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post #30 of 30 (permalink) Old 07-23-2020, 01:45 AM
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I personally think there're two problems with the statement "I used to be quiet like you".

1. By saying this people imply (perhaps unintentionally) that being quiet is somehow a problem. More than that, the well wishers imply that they know best and that the 'quiet' person should change. It's arrogance really. Quietness is a problem only if it causes problems in life. And it's only the 'quiet' person who can decide whether and when their 'quietness' is causing them problems in life.

2. This statement also implies comparison. It compares quiet people (whose lives presumably suck) with the loud outgoing people (whose lives are presumably exciting and happy). Of course this comparison is drawn unintentionally, it's just that our society presumes that being loud, outdoing and competitive is required to succeed in life. Yet, comparisons are negative by nature. Also, we're all different. If everyone were loud and outgoing the world would be a terrible place.
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