I need some advice, - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-15-2020, 11:03 AM Thread Starter
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I need some advice,


These past few years I've been making plans, telling my family, then always ended up with no-decision. It's happening again, but I have promised myself not to bullsh*tting myself again and my family. This is about career and the future, to start I'm skeptical about my future, I'm not even sure I will make it past 23 but I've gained realizations these past few months that I need to get a promising job or at least get an education so I could enter a good field? That's not really the reason, I keep lying to myself and I have no idea what do I want and need, I just want to have a life.

I'm planning to enter an online course university, first, going to campus and meeting people scared me I still couldn't cope with this. Second, I know I can't live with a monotonous schedule and I have little to no motivation at all, so there's a big chance I'd drop out. But I need to go to college, life is full of surprises and most of them are ****ty, my parents getting older, I want to get out from here and live alone. The thing is I'm lost and not sure if this really what I want. If I enroll in an online course uni, I wouldn't 'grow' socially and my fear of interactions will always be there but I really want to have friends too...I want to be like other people my age, hanging out, find love, go to social events, silly stuff like that.

I'm 20, most of my time since high school has spent inside the house and I never really made new friends by myself. I'm surrounded by adults cause I follow my mom almost everywhere and I like being around adults, cause they're more mature and I don't have to deal with typical teenager jokes by making fun of people. But on the other hand, I feel like I don't fit either with them. I cried out of frustration lately for not being able to solve my problem for years. I really need people to help get my mind open. I already register for myself this year but I made an excuse to my mom again that I'll go next year since the pandemic still going on.

I feel like ending it all, I wanted to talk to my mom about my struggles but I can't really find the words and courage as soon as I sit with her. Ever since I got bullied, my whole self changed completely and I really need some help. I'm really embarrassed when people ask me what do I do cause I'm jobless, then they assumed I'm studying but I'm not either. My parents expect the best for me of course but they don't push me, but I know they want someone to make them proud. I don't tell my friends that my life is like 'this' cause I'm too ashamed.

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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-15-2020, 11:50 AM
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Personally, and I think most people are similar, I found it dramatically harder to motivate myself for online classes. Online learning requires much more motivation and drive because you have to actively learn instead of just show up in the room and have knowledge shoved in your ears. So I don't see how doing classes online makes you less likely to drop out, but perhaps your brain works differently. As for the social side, well, a lot of us never socialized at college so that's something optional you'd have to put effort into also... doesn't come from just showing up in the room.

Of course, there's no reason you should expect to know what you're going to do with your life at 20. Most people who think they do are wrong. Your best bet is to find things you'd like to try, try them out for a bit and see if they catch your interest without getting trapped and without feeling bad about changing your mind and moving on.

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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-15-2020, 12:01 PM
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Hi Karennnnnnn, sorry to hear you're struggling so much on your own. What if you were to write down what you want to say to your mum and hand it to her would it make it easier?
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post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-15-2020, 11:12 PM
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Staying on a right path will be the reason for your success. Do you know? A success comes after many failures, but you should be motivated about your good future.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-27-2020, 04:59 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Paul View Post
Personally, and I think most people are similar, I found it dramatically harder to motivate myself for online classes. Online learning requires much more motivation and drive because you have to actively learn instead of just show up in the room and have knowledge shoved in your ears. So I don't see how doing classes online makes you less likely to drop out, but perhaps your brain works differently. As for the social side, well, a lot of us never socialized at college so that's something optional you'd have to put effort into also... doesn't come from just showing up in the room.

Of course, there's no reason you should expect to know what you're going to do with your life at 20. Most people who think they do are wrong. Your best bet is to find things you'd like to try, try them out for a bit and see if they catch your interest without getting trapped and without feeling bad about changing your mind and moving on.
Thank you so much, Paul, it makes sense to me. But honestly, I just don't feel like doing both, my fear is that I'm still likely going to leave my study unfinished because of my indecisiveness and lack of commitment if I really ended up going to choose either one of them...I had a language course and I didn't appear for 5 months, but you're totally right about finding out what interests me and just do it. I just need to push myself more to figure out what it is.

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post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-27-2020, 05:02 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alwaysrunning View Post
Hi Karennnnnnn, sorry to hear you're struggling so much on your own. What if you were to write down what you want to say to your mum and hand it to her would it make it easier?
That's a really brilliant idea! I might consider doing it. But I'm not so sure talk to her about this since she gets easily stressed and would overthink what I said for days...I really wanna tell her that I need help since I don't see life is worth to live anymore, I'm still thinking whether to say that part or not. But however, wish me luck and thanks a bunch.

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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-27-2020, 10:01 AM
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i went to university at 18 and tried again at 20 and dropped out on both occasions due to SA and also because i didnt do a scratch of work.....i personally think people (me included) daydream through all their lectures.....it would have been easier for me to receive a book and be told my exams start in may so i can start doing the hard work now and read the material necessary for the exam, so if i did want to go back to college then open university seems maybe a good idea
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-27-2020, 11:57 AM
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Originally Posted by karennnnnnn View Post
<...>
I'm 20, most of my time since high school has spent inside the house and I never really made new friends by myself. I'm surrounded by adults cause I follow my mom almost everywhere and I like being around adults, cause they're more mature and I don't have to deal with typical teenager jokes by making fun of people. But on the other hand, I feel like I don't fit either with them. I cried out of frustration lately for not being able to solve my problem for years. I really need people to help get my mind open. I already register for myself this year but I made an excuse to my mom again that I'll go next year since the pandemic still going on. <...>
Scratch that. University is not a high-school. I think you will be surprised to find out how friendly people there actually are. SA makes it difficult, there's no denying that. But at that age peers are much more understandable of ones struggles.
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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-30-2020, 05:04 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by irishkarl View Post
i went to university at 18 and tried again at 20 and dropped out on both occasions due to SA and also because i didnt do a scratch of work.....i personally think people (me included) daydream through all their lectures.....it would have been easier for me to receive a book and be told my exams start in may so i can start doing the hard work now and read the material necessary for the exam, so if i did want to go back to college then open university seems maybe a good idea
Thank you so much for sharing your experience with me, I've been to uni once and left it due to my trauma and partly to SA, which my parents don't believe, I've been thinking about this a lot and an open university might be the only best thing for me to get an education. But I'm still considering it. Hope you're well.

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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 07-30-2020, 05:05 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by dotBSC View Post
Scratch that. University is not a high-school. I think you will be surprised to find out how friendly people there actually are. SA makes it difficult, there's no denying that. But at that age peers are much more understandable of ones struggles.
You're probably right...

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