i'm too passive, cutesy and "innocent". - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-21-2020, 02:21 PM Thread Starter
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i'm too passive, cute and "innocent".


*edited to correct cutesy to cute.

this is actually something about myself that i like and the thing itself isn't what makes me frustated...what frustrates me is that most of the world is the opposite and it causes me to feel even more isolated as it feeds into my social anxiety.

are there others here like me? how do you feel about the subject? i would type more but i don't want to lose the point in a long, rambly post lol. >.>

see, i'm real...if you want me to be.
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post #2 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-21-2020, 02:27 PM
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I think it can be very endearing. It's nice to come across someone sometimes that's just quiet and nice. Can be hard to find in my experience.
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post #3 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-21-2020, 04:14 PM
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I tend to value people who come across as genuine. If your genuine self is cutesy, innocent, and passive, that's okay~
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post #4 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-23-2020, 09:56 AM Thread Starter
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sorry for mentions, couldn't seem to multi-quote.

@harrison yea, that's the most frustrating aspect. people similar to myself are few and far between, likely because they're hiding just like me lol. i have no idea how to find them tho. >>

@Sekiro i just can't bring myself to act in a way that i'm not. doesn't feel right. i tried to change my thinking to match with others but it doesn't work. i guess it's better to just resign to my true self if neither method works anyway lol.
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post #5 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-23-2020, 04:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Abnormal Thought Patterns View Post
sorry for mentions, couldn't seem to multi-quote.

@harrison yea, that's the most frustrating aspect. people similar to myself are few and far between, likely because they're hiding just like me lol. i have no idea how to find them tho. >>

@Sekiro i just can't bring myself to act in a way that i'm not. doesn't feel right. i tried to change my thinking to match with others but it doesn't work. i guess it's better to just resign to my true self if neither method works anyway lol.
Maybe they'll find you. Who knows.

Maybe you could try a meetup group or something after all this virus thing is over, never know who you'll meet at some of those things.
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post #6 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-24-2020, 03:04 AM
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I'm the exact same. People think that I'm cute because I'm short and apparently seem "innocent" ( I hate that word - I'm knocking on 30's door). I'm too nice to people and let them have their way. People think that I'm this sweet quiet person but inside I feel far from that.


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post #7 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-24-2020, 03:47 AM
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I'm not any of those things but I'm interested in why you like being passive. To me, those three adjectives sound like someone from the outside describing a person rather than a person describing themselves. That's why I'm curious.

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post #8 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-24-2020, 10:25 AM Thread Starter
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@harrison i wish lol

having a worldwide shutdown is a nightmare for a lonely person heh (at least for me it is). i tried to figure out a way to meet people online but no idea on that either. anyway...i don't want to seem like i'm dismissing your input, so i'll stop now lol.

@Cool Ice Dude55 i'm sorry, it is annoying when you feel like you can't be yourself around others. i'm tall actually myself, but that doesn't change my perception lol. i really am innocent in many aspects, for better or worse. that's just kind of how my life turned out. honestly, i prefer to be and it doesn't matter anymore to "change" or "learn the ropes" considering my age...so i wish i could grab the attention of people who are the same, but i can't seem to do that with *anyone*. :\

@rabidfoxes it's okay to ask. i'm not confrontational at all, i don't want to be and don't really like being around others who are, tbh. it's interesting (i really mean so btw) that you see it that way. i just feel that's how i am, although i was told a few times in school that i was "innocent" depsite them not knowing anything about me...they used it as an insult, so idk. i can't really judge if i'm "nice" or not...that's really for someone else to decide. i never really have a chance to be considered as "nice" or "mean" anyway since i don't know anyone lol. i can pm you a more detailed answer as i don't want to carry on too much in a thread reply sorry ha. >.>
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post #9 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-24-2020, 03:21 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Abnormal Thought Patterns View Post
i just can't bring myself to act in a way that i'm not. doesn't feel right. i tried to change my thinking to match with others but it doesn't work. i guess it's better to just resign to my true self if neither method works anyway lol.

The more confidence you build in who you are the more assertive you can be. Don't be afraid to embrace that qualities that make you, you.
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post #10 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-24-2020, 03:51 PM
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I would be extra careful not to mistake passivity (and maybe non assertiveness), with "just the way I am". There is a danger whenever you consciously adopt an identity. If you adopt the identity of being passive, as the real you, then it also may justify a lot of avoidance, not being assertive, letting other people walk all over you etc.

I am definitely not suggesting this is what is happening here, just I feel I wouldn't be doing the right thing if I didn't make note of it, and raise the question, because identities are very powerful!

Be very careful assuming passivity is your identity. Hope its okay to raise this question (I am in no way debating with you what "you" are, I have no right to do this, its just something that occurred to me in a bit of a hypothetical sense!).

(its more the use of the word "passive". The word suggests other things!). I thought long and hard about posting this at all, as I feel I might be overstepping!

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post #11 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-25-2020, 07:38 AM
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@rabidfoxes it's okay to ask. i'm not confrontational at all, i don't want to be and don't really like being around others who are, tbh. it's interesting (i really mean so btw) that you see it that way. i just feel that's how i am, although i was told a few times in school that i was "innocent" depsite them not knowing anything about me...they used it as an insult, so idk. i can't really judge if i'm "nice" or not...that's really for someone else to decide. i never really have a chance to be considered as "nice" or "mean" anyway since i don't know anyone lol. i can pm you a more detailed answer as i don't want to carry on too much in a thread reply sorry ha. >.>
Sure, if you'd rather send me a PM than elaborate here, please do I'll explain why these adjectives sound like another person's description to me. 'Passive' is generally used as a negative adjective, meaning that a person has no control or say over their life (opposite of 'active'). It often collocates with 'victim' ('passive victim'). You don't have to be passive to be conflict-averse, peaceful and cooperative.

I'm not even sure what the hell innocence mean nowadays but people use 'innocent' as an insult to mean someone is naive and unaware of own naiveaty. Common collocation adds 'childish' ('child-like innocence'). Again, not hugely flattering.

Finally, 'cutesy' is not the same as 'cute'. The definition is 'overly, affectedly or unnecessarily cute'.

That's why to me these sound as rather mean things to say about yourself. You can be co-operative, kind (which is what I think of as 'nice') and cute without being passive, innocent and cutesy.

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post #12 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-25-2020, 09:54 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
I would be extra careful not to mistake passivity (and maybe non assertiveness), with "just the way I am". There is a danger whenever you consciously adopt an identity. If you adopt the identity of being passive, as the real you, then it also may justify a lot of avoidance, not being assertive, letting other people walk all over you etc.

I am definitely not suggesting this is what is happening here, just I feel I wouldn't be doing the right thing if I didn't make note of it, and raise the question, because identities are very powerful!

Be very careful assuming passivity is your identity. Hope its okay to raise this question (I am in no way debating with you what "you" are, I have no right to do this, its just something that occurred to me in a bit of a hypothetical sense!).

(its more the use of the word "passive". The word suggests other things!). I thought long and hard about posting this at all, as I feel I might be overstepping!
you're fine, i don't think you're overstepping. i'm open to good discussion on the topic and your input is welcome, so no worries.c:

i feel it's not so much that i'm consciously adopting as much as i am no longer trying to ignore my true personality that's been there since forever. i have tried consciously adopting a persona before and it didn't really work as i couldn't keep up the charade and it went too much against my moral instinct...it didn't change my social standing at all, so there wasn't a point anyway lol. i think i would still have avoidance and assertive struggles tho, even without my current personality due to social anxiety (well obvs.) and other disorders that affect my self-esteem/confidence. also doesn't help that i'm an h.s.p.

i didn't seem to realise passive would imply certain things, prolly due to my cursed naivety lol. i mean it more in a sense of being calm and not aggressive, more than just being open to manipulation. that's what i like...that i'm very laidback and friendly/non judgemental or confrontational. though i do tend to fit your (and rabidfoxes) description in some respects.

i don't want you to think i'm disregarding your post or anything, you can give me any sort of feedback you want.

see, i'm real...if you want me to be.
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post #13 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-26-2020, 08:03 AM
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awww, i used to be like you in my early twenties, but as i'm getting older and the world really slapped me in the face, i've become more assertive because i've been abused and no one will help me but me. on the inside though, i'm still the cutesy little girl who loves kitties and puppies and speak with a cutesy voice from time to time haha i can be very emotive like im in some anime world XD so no you're not alone, there are people out there like you!
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post #14 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-26-2020, 05:55 PM
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Coming off as ingenue is something sorta common to people with SA. It's to our benefit IMO... we're probably the last ones people would suspect of having nefarious intentions.
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post #15 of 15 (permalink) Old 09-26-2020, 06:06 PM
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Coming off as ingenue is something sorta common to people with SA.
Thank you for teaching me a new word.
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