I'm such a plain person - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-06-2019, 01:55 PM Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
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I'm such a plain person

Hi everyone, I'm new to this forum. I just wanted a place to vent and maybe someone would read it.

I'm a 21 year old college girl with social anxiety. First off I want to say that I feel like the past few months have been a time of tremendous progress I feel like I can talk to people I don't know without blushing or blanking out. I feel like I can hold conversation, if I ever get the opportunity. People describe me as shy, that's about it.

Lately I just feel hopeless because I've made more effort to put myself out there but no one really sticks. We can talk when we are around each other, but that's about it- it doesn't develop into personal relationship. I feel like I have no real hobbies to truly bond with people, there aren't any clubs at my school that are willing to teach new stuff (animation club, screenwriting club)- all the students are already very involved and know their stuff. It's more of a networking thing for them.

I think I'm too introspective, and might come off as too intense, and it puts people off. I just generally don't know what to talk about. I'm really into music, I guess, but don't play any instruments. I honestly have only made one friend in my time at college so far-- and he was a guy friend who had the same music taste and humor but couldn't be really good friends since I had a bf at the time, didn't want to make my bf uncomfortable.

What is the secret? It seems like people will still make friends in classrooms where we don't even get a chance to talk. I truly feel like I'm missing out on life and my young years. I just bought two concerts tickets but don't know who I'm going with. I have a couple of friends but recently they've been taking advantage of my kindness...I'm just so frustrated. I want to do more.
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 12:25 AM
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First of all welcome to SAS

I don't know if I can help you make more friends but I do know one thing, what people care about the most is how you make then feel. If you can combine that with a few commonalities im sure you can make at least one really good friend.

I guess what im saying is that you should put more focus on being the best version of yourself around others then on what you do or what your interested in.

From what I've seen most group conversations are about nothing really but yet people are always laughing and what not. Emotions over logic. Remember that .

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Live for the progress that you've made.
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-07-2019, 08:45 AM Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
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Thanks for the welcome and advice I think I'm a bit over-logical and forget that people have emotions haha. This was really helpful actually, thank you
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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 10:38 AM
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Yes, welcome to SAS!

It sounds like you are having the problem of not knowing how to form enjoyable relationships in college... I had the same issue. Unfortunately I never really got past it because I always stayed in and didn't even try much.

Fortunately it sounds like you are trying. You know that you need to be around people to form a relationship with them. That's a good start. I would try the website succeedsocially.com for tips because what you're going through is addressed there. It has helped me some.

Whatever you do, don't isolate yourself and always stay in your room. One of the worst decisions possible for people with SA.
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 03:47 PM
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First of all, i've never met a plain person in my life. Everyone is pretty unique even if it's not obvious. Bu yea I can imagine it's hard to make friends in college. Everyone seems pretty focused on school itself, and not much time for friends. I've never been, thats just the impression i get. There's a lot of students who feel like you do probably. You will for sure find some friends, probably when you're not even looking for them. That's when the good ones come around.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-21-2019, 09:54 PM
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Im also a 21 year old college girl in the same sort of situation. I'll be your friend!
That aside I have friends more outside of school but because I'm in really intense STEM classes I have had to cut a lot of social time out of my life. Had to drop some dnd campaigns, can't go hang out with my friends at our usual Saturday night stuff, I may see a friend or 2 once a week, so I really feel like I should be having more friends in school. I have a couple friends on campus that I almost never hang out with. Same thing at work, it's like formal settings stiffle me from making friends. I just don't know how to interact sometimes in that sort of setting. But I'd look in to campus events. Even if you go alone at least you're out doing something you never know what it could lead to
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 09-24-2019, 01:11 AM

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Sesame ones aren't so bad either
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