OP here. Wow....it's been over 3 years since I started this thread and I'm amazed at how much attention it has gotten. I originally wrote it just as a way to vent but seeing and reading what everyone else has wrote has opened my eyes a bit. I guess we're not as alone in our illness as we all think we are.
I almost forgot about this forum and I wish I could say it's because I have been out living a happy life and that my SA is long forgotten but that is not the case. I'll post a brief summary/update of myself in case anyone cares (and because writing helps me feel better).
My SA still affects almost every aspect of my life and for better or worse, I have started coming to terms with that. I no longer pretend to want to be social or make any effort to go out. I go to work, come home, and watch tv/movies/play video games until I go to bed. It makes me happy - being comfortable in my own home with no one to bother me. I know this is an inferior form of happiness when compared to say, being in a loving relationship or getting married, but it's some happiness nonetheless. Before, I used to go try to be social, feel uncomfortable the whole time, then embarrass myself and go home. I will say that I gave it a good try. It's certainly not like I tried doing it once or twice then quit; I did it frequently (weekly to biweekly) for the better part of a year. I even tried CBT and psychotherapy again. I even tried taking medication and although it did help quite a bit, I got scared at how dependent my happiness was to it.
I still don't have ANY friends or a gf but I dated a girl for a few months (I probably should have opened with this); however, it was pretty terrible. If anything, it made things worse. I honestly didn't even like the girl that much but was so desperate for ANY affection and a human relationship that I went ahead with it anyway. Even towards the end, I still had trouble talking to her without getting nervous. She insulted me at the beginning of the relationship and pointed out all the things that were wrong with me (not being social and having friends was on top of the list) then she created strict rules regarding intimacy, and finally, used me for my limited financial resources as much as she could. I was an idiot but ended it when I realized what was happening. My desire to date and love is still present but it's now just a distant dream on par with me dream to be a professional writer or musician.
I graduated college 1 year ago and I'm working as a junior researcher at a university. The job is fine but I keep my personal interactions to a minimum and avoid all of the office parties and happy hours (although I'm almost all out of excuses). I make very little money so I still live with my parents - which isn't as big an issue when you don't have friends or a s.o. I'm currently 24 but will turn 25 next month and it looks like I'll be spending it home alone again. The worst part of that is when people at work ask me what I did for my bday and I have to either lie through my teeth or be honest and endure their confused reactions and questions. The words "lame" and "loser" have often been used to describe me and my weekend endeavors. I'm also getting to that point in my life where I'm questioning my future and career path.
.....looks like I went off on a rant again. Sorry! I'm just really thankful for all the people on here who read what everyone writes and share kind words of encouragement. Simply knowing that I'm not alone in this has made it just that more bearable. If anyone needs someone to talk to, feel free to pm me.