I'm so lonely and depressed... - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
Reply
 
Thread Tools
post #41 of 84 (permalink) Old 06-13-2013, 01:10 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1
well i am 21 and still i belive myself to be one of the loneliest guys on earth!
i'm a very funny and brave guy,i am a mixed martial artist so i have very good shaped body, recently graduated and i'm much smarter and talented than almost anyone around me.
in short version my friends consider me as a cool person and that is exactly why i'm so lonely.
i never talk about my problems with anyone and usually hide my feelings. because of that people think i am carefree guy who has no problems what so ever.
i have a lot of people around me who call themselves my friends or best friends or even brothers! but i don't see them as friends. they are just a bunch of people which want to be around me so when i make a new joke or a new creative and daring stunt,they can see it and have fun with it!

i have never been with any girl before,i've loved a girl once but she broke my heart very damn hard and after that i have never trusted any girl at all and it is hard for me talk to a girl after that.
but even with all that history,all of my friends believe that i am a total womanizer and that makes me feel very bad,it is embarrassing for me to say i dont have any GF.
being funny,strong,smart and cool doesn't matter if you are lonely... i have reached the point that i would even give my life for one true love...for someone for myself,someone that i can show my true feelings and just be my normal self.
please help me!
Reza2013z is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #42 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-15-2013, 08:02 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
I can relate to 98% of this entire post, I couldn't believe it when I was reading it lol. I'm in the exactly the same situation, but I don't get as anxious as you seem to get. Also I hate it when people feel sympathy for me, which is terrible, cos it means I have too much pride, which in turn leads to unsocial behaviour because I don't want people to know what I've been through so that they talk to me only because they feel bad for me. Oh well.
Chaa is offline  
post #43 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-15-2013, 10:30 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
Hey mate, came in to post my story and to show you that you are not alone (although i cant say i am at your extent)
I am age 21, like you when it comes to women and general conversations i over analyze everything. I saw school councellor, psych after psych, doctor. After my breakup with my first ever girlfriend (who was a known town bike), i have her the benefit of the doubt. 7 cheats later over 2 years and here I am again.

Being honest, most of my hookups i dont even remember (you could count them all on two hands max) because they were all from a spur of liquid courage. Its like I HAVE TO BECOME SOMEBODY else, lose control of MYSELF and let go of all the asocial behaviour and social analyzation. "Just be yourself", this is us, the only time i dont feel this way when i cant remember being this way.
"Its all ive ever known
SIM928 is offline  
 
post #44 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-15-2013, 11:43 AM
Un solitaire au cur
 
sylbea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: England
Age: 28
Posts: 79
Do feel you aren't alone in feeling this way, because we can relate too. I understand your yearning for sympathy. But it isn't a good mentality. You have to learn how not to expect sympathy, because that isn't necessarily what people are supposed to be in general. Reality is harsh, and it's up for you to accept it.

The only thing you can help yourself is your will and courage to take small steps to making your SA less of a hindrance. Yes, your SA will always be a part of you. Again, it's up to you if you're willing to change your mentality and if you want those things you're lacking as of this moment, ask yourself - why do you want them to begin with? What's been preventing you? Small steps, progress, and that way you'll know that's not at all impossible even with your SA.

Just stay strong, no matter what. You can always count on us.
sylbea is offline  
post #45 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-20-2013, 11:54 AM Thread Starter
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 39
Hey guys, I haven't used this site in a while but it was really nice to come back to all of these great comments. Just to give anyone who is interested an update of my SA status here's what's going on:

Overall, there hasn't been much improvement on my end. I still feel anxious around others, I still avoid social interactions and events, and I still have little to no friends and no significant other. Sometimes I'll have days where I feel like I have beaten my SA. Other days, I feel like I will never change and thus, always be alone. It's these days that hurt me the most. They serve as a realization that no matter how good I feel or how good things get, I still can revert back to my typical lonely and depressed self at any moment. Lately, I've been telling myself that I WILL be more aggressive in my social life; that I WILL start talking to girls and ask them out. On the days where I do believe these statements, I start questioning myself as to whether this is really for the best. Does someone really deserve to have to put up with my SA? with my bad days? Will I be able to handle a potential argument or break up? I look around me everyday and see happy people in love. I tell myself that some people aren't deserving of it and that some just aren't fit for it; whether I'm the latter, the former, or both, I truly have no idea. Right now I'm just going on with my life and trying my best at everything I do. I'm slowly understanding my own psychology and exploring all of my feelings as they come; both positive and negative. The only feasible solution to my SA and depression (both medication and therapy has not worked) is to keep working at it every chance I get. Hopefully I will be rewarded one day, be it tomorrow or 10 years from now.

If anyone wants to talk or bring up anything else...I'll be right here
jack123 is offline  
post #46 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-23-2013, 10:03 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: England
Gender: Male
Posts: 391
To the OP: you couldn't have described my situation/life better if you tried

Quote:
Originally Posted by Staticnz View Post
Don't worry dude, confidence doesn't even matter if your personality is rancid anyways and you have nothing to offer anybody (aka me).
Same here bro, I always get told to be yourself but I have a **** personality
HM37 is offline  
post #47 of 84 (permalink) Old 09-13-2013, 01:17 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 10
Arrow

I know that feeling all too well


Hey bro,
I know what that feels like because I am 22 years old and I too never have had the kind of emotional connection that you speak of.
Here is my story or sexual history in some sense.
I grew up in a strict islamic country and then after high school, went to australia at the age of 18. I made friends at uni and it was cool till the discussions about sex came up. At that point I realized that I was the odd one for not having sex at 15-16 like my peers. I had to have sex asap and so a week before my 19th birthday I visited a brothel and had sex with a 31 year old blonde white woman. The rules of brothels dictate that condoms be used for blowies and sex therefore a small part of me still thinks I'm a virgin till I have bareback sex for free. Anyhow I have always paid for sex and have done it 8 times in total. I know its pathetic that I can count the exact number of times I've had sex when there are so many people out there who can't even count the number of people they're been with but so it my woe. I tried to chat up girls at clubs and bars but when sexual topics come up, my inexperience shined through and I am left to go home alone and wank off. I get that no girl wants to have sex with a dude who hasn't had enough experience but that in itself is a catch 22 scenario because how do get sexual experience without having sex in the first place. Its been 3 years now and all that loneliness and depression have taken its toll on me. I got heavily involved with drugs because its easier to get high than get laid. I'm not joking about that, I was broke for a few weeks. Dead broke mind you, buying a loaf of bread with coins and surviving but still getting high in sessions with friends, also taking pills and snorting lines when folks offer. I've also gotten addicted to porn because what else is a dude supposed to do with a raging sex drive and no release. Hookers are expensive and charge 150$ for half an hour so I had to resort to porn in a major way. I see couples around me all the time and hear sex stories from my friends at uni and it cripples me inside. They come to class in the morning with hickeys and as if that's not enough I've even had a friend take his shirt off and show scratches on his back from the wild sex he had the night before. Some of my friends have had threesomes too although its not the 2 girls and 1 guy that you come to expect from that word. Either way when you look at it from the girl's point of view it is a wonderful sexual experience.
I've lost myself now because the drugs I've taken have affected the balance of chemicals in my brain and I no longer feel anything. Sometimes I want to curl up and cry but I just can't. I do realize that I've formed a relationship with drugs instead of a girl but then again from what I gather being in love is like a drug in itself because you are constantly happy to be around that person. So happy that your brain secretes dopa-mine in large quantities mimicking the feeling of being high. I guess that's why they say love is a drug. Either way I screwed up big time academically because I can't concentrate, my mind is always racing, thinking about sex and seeing couples in uni make out just makes me feel so worthless I feel like I should just slit my wrists and end this bull****. But then again I think about hurting my family and drop the idea, nonetheless it still remains an option. I don't know how much longer I can last.
I just had to get that off my chest. Sorry for the long post.
painfulregrets is offline  
post #48 of 84 (permalink) Old 09-13-2013, 10:37 PM
Permanently Banned
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Age: 28
Posts: 263
I'm so depressed and lonely also. It sucks!
Lushiro is offline  
post #49 of 84 (permalink) Old 09-13-2013, 10:45 PM
SAS Member
 
AlwaysDown's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: North America
Gender: Male
Posts: 389
Hey at least you have the balls to even ask out girls!
I never asked out a girl in my life.... too scared of rejection and social emabarrasment...
My biggest fear is probably if I asked out this semi popular girl that many people know and she rejected me and everyone I know would find out...
I would just feel like the biggest loser and ****tiest person alive...
So I will never ask out a girl unless I am confident she likes me as well and I am comfortable with her...

I just want to be happy and have someone love me for who I am and not who I pretend to be.....

Women are out there looking for men that will talk to them and make the first step to a relationship. Its too bad I just cant make that "first step".
AlwaysDown is offline  
post #50 of 84 (permalink) Old 10-18-2013, 10:54 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1
This post is really old now but I still think people will read this and try to help. So I've hit a really low part of my life, I left school a few years ago and moved away from home with my family and shortly realised none of my school friends wanted anything to do with me anymore. I tried making new friends and build a new life but I tried and failed. Nobody wants to talk to me and I'm so bad looking and have so many personality defects that I'm hopeless at flirting or even having a conversation with girls. When I do go outside(which is rarely), all I see is happy couples, everywhere. It makes me sick and definitely doesn't help my confidence or feeling of loneliness. I feel like society has no place for me and I would probably be better off dead.
robertT230 is offline  
post #51 of 84 (permalink) Old 10-18-2013, 01:28 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: USA
Gender: Male
Posts: 208
i'm only one of those things you mentioned in the title :l
So Lonely is offline  
post #52 of 84 (permalink) Old 10-29-2013, 12:00 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1

Trying to help


Okay I read all the above messages and will try to help. Apologies if I could not articulate my thoughts in a better way. I'm just dumping thoughts as they flow through my mind... so I'm not concentrating much on grammatical errors.

I have found some tricks that have really helped me socialize. I'll share some of them with you all. I have (I guess) mastered the art of choosing when to socialize and when to withdraw into being with myself. This is essential as I hate to overdose on both sides of the spectrum (too social/too asocial).

So lets imagine that I'm currently in my "asocial" mode. The first thing I would do is to never "try" to make good/best friends / find a lover at the outset. This is the biggest mistake one would do. Instead, I try to only find acquaintances. For example, if I have a particular issue thats bugging me... instead of trying to solve it myself I'll decide to find 1 person who is capable of solving that problem. Now I have something to talk about to that person. The problem connects us and we become acquainted. I repeat this process for every issue that I face... slowly begin to build my circle of friends who helped me in one way or the other. I never get attached to any of them in the beginning itself. I let the story play out on its own... its a fun process because while you are doing this, you actually meet different people and your chances of being hurt gets minimized. But you must make sure you never ever get attached to any person while doing this... its essential that you don't... because getting hurt in the early phase of "socializing" can have even greater negative effect and you might find yourself in an even worse position that before. Have patience and wait it out... treat everyone you meet as acquaintances and nothing more... by doing so you allow both to get to understand the other person better.

The other big mistake we normally do is try to find everything we like in that one "special" person.... the odds of this happening is 0.00000001%. So then what do I do? I instead find different people with each having one/two interests that match mine and only spend my time with them discussing/sharing/living those interests. The advantage of this is that you never get to do/talk/discuss things that don't interest you both and you always have a happy time. This is very important as a first step to get out of that "asocial" mode. This itself imbibes a lot of confidence as you come back home everyday with a deep satisfaction of having had a great day. In this process you also realize that there are some people out of that big group of friends you made, who actually have a lot more interests that are in common with you... it maybe something to do with your upbringing, your schooldays (how it rocked/sucked etc), bullies, your workplace stories, your fav soccer team, tv series you like etc. Now that you have become comfortable, you should try to create inner circles... slowly reducing the big circle of friends/acquaintances to circles that you would like spending "more" time with... keep reducing the circle till you find the few friends who get along really well with you. This does not mean you forget your other friends... since you have done this methodically, you'll always be spending the same amount of time with them as before... the amount of time spent with your friends always depended on the circle they were in. The outermost circle with least time spent and the innermost circle with maximum time spent.

Ultimately it boils down to getting out of your comfort zone (of being "asocial") to a new zone (of being "social") and finding comfort in that zone. Unless you build the foundation its not going to be comfortable.

When it comes to girls, I don't just go out and ask any girl I find in a pub/univ. Instead I follow the same steps as above and get acquainted first. I keep following up with her... trying to understand her and at the same time allowing her to understand me (which is very important... you must try to open up about yourself... most of the girls i have known/dated have only liked me for my imperfections... some of them actually love the fact that they can also discuss their imperfections openly... girls hate guys who try to act perfect) until I gain enough confidence to actually ask her out. Even though both of us start off by having a lot of "expectations" from each other, as time passes and as the relationship builds, we both would start compromising our "expectations" (only if we are in true love). When something like this happens to you, this is an indication that the girl is right for you... Love is all about compromises/sacrifices... You compromise/sacrifice your expectations only when you truly love the person... But if this doesn't happen it doesn't matter... you still found a nice girl with whom you had a great time!

Basically I always try to find positives... I feel that most of us just focus all our energies on the problem itself than trying to figure out the solution. Stop wasting time brooding over the problem and find the solution. Sometimes, if you don't get a solution, just take a couple of vodka shots, blank your mind and just go for it. Don't care about the repercussions. Its better to try and fail rather than fail without even trying.

Vasudhaiva Kutumbakam
the twister is offline  
post #53 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-18-2013, 05:17 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 1

I feel the same


Hey, I can relate to most of what everyone's been saying on here.. However there are a few differences, one, I have a few close friends who I can talk to, I just don't want to cause I know they won't understand cause they've never had the problems and social anxiety I've got. Reading everything that you all have written makes me feel so much less alone and as much as I hate it I'm glad that it's not just me that feels this way.. I've never had a girlfriend, never had someone to care for me in that intimate way, I have a few friends who are girls but its not the same. I usually imagine how great it would be if they would be my girlfriend, but I am always friend zoned for being too nice and I hate it, I just want someone I can call my own so I can stop feeling so lonely all the time, and so my fake smile becomes real..
thephil31 is offline  
post #54 of 84 (permalink) Old 01-01-2014, 11:41 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Gender: Male
Posts: 1

brain freeze


I know how you feel and there is no over night solution to this problem. I myself have some good friends but there are very few i could bare my soul too. I have confided in two family members (my mom and one of my sisters) without whom i would not be here today. I try everyday to train my mind and to better understand this conundrum through education and my goal is still to resolve it and eventually free myself from this curse. There are times when i can have total clarity where if i could stay forever locked in that moment i would be free from it. I believe its all down to re-programming the way we perceive ourselves and eventually our subconscious mind will stop feeding our conscious mind with negative loathing thoughts. Easier said than done i know.
Im constantly battling with this, have good days and not so good days. Its a bit like a dog chasing its tail sometimes you have to face your demons head on to conquer them. goodluck and i hope things get better for you.
spicksparkler74 is offline  
post #55 of 84 (permalink) Old 01-01-2014, 01:11 PM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,389
I feel the exact same way OP. I'm getting so tired
IllmaticJJ is offline  
post #56 of 84 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 09:18 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3
me too the exact same.....i dont even want to think anymore.......i dont hav any frined at school........nor best friends nor anyone.....i dont even want to think about my family even worse ..the only thing i get is money...nothing.else./.........makes u crave for just someone to talk to or listen......i am always lonely.....this world almost feels.like hell.....i just st and watch as everyone talks......and enjoys.....i tried but no one actually talk back.....fb made me evn depressed i write to everyone no one ever talks back.......tried having a penpal.......same no one talks back......its just me sending mesages to random people craving for some attention.....this world is a hell.........i hav never talked to anyone either........i think......it like a felling no one wants me around at all.........nothngs worse then feeling unwanted.......
pizzahut7 is offline  
post #57 of 84 (permalink) Old 01-26-2014, 09:41 AM
SAS Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reza2013z View Post
well i am 21 and still i belive myself to be one of the loneliest guys on earth!
i'm a very funny and brave guy,i am a mixed martial artist so i have very good shaped body, recently graduated and i'm much smarter and talented than almost anyone around me.
in short version my friends consider me as a cool person and that is exactly why i'm so lonely.
i never talk about my problems with anyone and usually hide my feelings. because of that people think i am carefree guy who has no problems what so ever.
i have a lot of people around me who call themselves my friends or best friends or even brothers! but i don't see them as friends. they are just a bunch of people which want to be around me so when i make a new joke or a new creative and daring stunt,they can see it and have fun with it!

i have never been with any girl before,i've loved a girl once but she broke my heart very damn hard and after that i have never trusted any girl at all and it is hard for me talk to a girl after that.
but even with all that history,all of my friends believe that i am a total womanizer and that makes me feel very bad,it is embarrassing for me to say i dont have any GF.
being funny,strong,smart and cool doesn't matter if you are lonely... i have reached the point that i would even give my life for one true love...for someone for myself,someone that i can show my true feelings and just be my normal self.
please help me!
thats me............lots of fake friends who only need something from me........when i need them they always never be around....
pizzahut7 is offline  
post #58 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-21-2014, 08:06 AM
Overbearing Fanboy
 
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Cincinnati
Gender: Male
Posts: 34
We all feel this at some point, maybe some longer and more severe than others, but it happens, and it's up to you to be strong and make it through.
Xaelphorious is offline  
post #59 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-21-2014, 08:34 AM
Fear...sucks
 
RecoveredWell's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Canada
Gender: Male
Posts: 207
Feeling bored and unfulfilled is a result of not having something that drives you and gets you up in the morning. Honestly, the best thing you can do is try and find those things that interested you so much from your past, and try to dive head first back into those.

http://www.anxietykey.com working for me check it out and follow it's a gooder for anxious people.
RecoveredWell is offline  
post #60 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-21-2014, 11:32 AM
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Northern NJ
Gender: Male
Age: 27
Posts: 1,795
Me too but I have a hobby right now.
294738 is offline  
Reply

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
I'm depressed and lonely... help Mintyfresh Frustration 15 05-05-2013 12:06 AM
Lonely and depressed kursedlife Frustration 1 02-26-2013 12:16 PM
Depressed and lonely - what to do? ruckerfan Coping With Social Anxiety 6 04-27-2010 06:31 AM
lonely and depressed lgems29 Frustration 7 11-11-2009 08:08 AM
Lonely and Depressed shelly Relationships 10 08-23-2006 04:46 AM

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome