Trying to help
Okay I read all the above messages and will try to help. Apologies if I could not articulate my thoughts in a better way. I'm just dumping thoughts as they flow through my mind... so I'm not concentrating much on grammatical errors.
I have found some tricks that have really helped me socialize. I'll share some of them with you all. I have (I guess) mastered the art of choosing when to socialize and when to withdraw into being with myself. This is essential as I hate to overdose on both sides of the spectrum (too social/too asocial).
So lets imagine that I'm currently in my "asocial" mode. The first thing I would do is to never "try" to make good/best friends / find a lover at the outset. This is the biggest mistake one would do. Instead, I try to only find acquaintances. For example, if I have a particular issue thats bugging me... instead of trying to solve it myself I'll decide to find 1 person who is capable of solving that problem. Now I have something to talk about to that person. The problem connects us and we become acquainted. I repeat this process for every issue that I face... slowly begin to build my circle of friends who helped me in one way or the other. I never get attached to any of them in the beginning itself. I let the story play out on its own... its a fun process because while you are doing this, you actually meet different people and your chances of being hurt gets minimized. But you must make sure you never ever get attached to any person while doing this... its essential that you don't... because getting hurt in the early phase of "socializing" can have even greater negative effect and you might find yourself in an even worse position that before. Have patience and wait it out... treat everyone you meet as acquaintances and nothing more... by doing so you allow both to get to understand the other person better.
The other big mistake we normally do is try to find everything we like in that one "special" person.... the odds of this happening is 0.00000001%. So then what do I do? I instead find different people with each having one/two interests that match mine and only spend my time with them discussing/sharing/living those interests. The advantage of this is that you never get to do/talk/discuss things that don't interest you both and you always have a happy time. This is very important as a first step to get out of that "asocial" mode. This itself imbibes a lot of confidence as you come back home everyday with a deep satisfaction of having had a great day. In this process you also realize that there are some people out of that big group of friends you made, who actually have a lot more interests that are in common with you... it maybe something to do with your upbringing, your schooldays (how it rocked/sucked etc), bullies, your workplace stories, your fav soccer team, tv series you like etc. Now that you have become comfortable, you should try to create inner circles... slowly reducing the big circle of friends/acquaintances to circles that you would like spending "more" time with... keep reducing the circle till you find the few friends who get along really well with you. This does not mean you forget your other friends... since you have done this methodically, you'll always be spending the same amount of time with them as before... the amount of time spent with your friends always depended on the circle they were in. The outermost circle with least time spent and the innermost circle with maximum time spent.
Ultimately it boils down to getting out of your comfort zone (of being "asocial") to a new zone (of being "social") and finding comfort in that zone. Unless you build the foundation its not going to be comfortable.
When it comes to girls, I don't just go out and ask any girl I find in a pub/univ. Instead I follow the same steps as above and get acquainted first. I keep following up with her... trying to understand her and at the same time allowing her to understand me (which is very important... you must try to open up about yourself... most of the girls i have known/dated have only liked me for my imperfections... some of them actually love the fact that they can also discuss their imperfections openly... girls hate guys who try to act perfect) until I gain enough confidence to actually ask her out. Even though both of us start off by having a lot of "expectations" from each other, as time passes and as the relationship builds, we both would start compromising our "expectations" (only if we are in true love). When something like this happens to you, this is an indication that the girl is right for you... Love is all about compromises/sacrifices... You compromise/sacrifice your expectations only when you truly love the person... But if this doesn't happen it doesn't matter... you still found a nice girl with whom you had a great time!
Basically I always try to find positives... I feel that most of us just focus all our energies on the problem itself than trying to figure out the solution. Stop wasting time brooding over the problem and find the solution. Sometimes, if you don't get a solution, just take a couple of vodka shots, blank your mind and just go for it. Don't care about the repercussions. Its better to try and fail rather than fail without even trying.