I'm so lonely and depressed... - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-30-2012, 08:18 PM Thread Starter
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I'm so lonely and depressed...


(I apologize for the length. I posted this mainly to vent. Not so much for advice)

I’m totally depressed and lonely. I feel like there is no one I could relate to. I feel like a social outcast. I have severe social anxiety that gets even more severe when I’m around woman, thus contributing to my loneliness. I have no real friends, no best friend, and certainly no girlfriend (have never had one). All I want is someone (who isn’t family) that cares about me. I want someone who I could have fun with. Someone to talk, text, watch movies with, hold hands, kiss, and hold. Forget the sex, I just want the emotional intimacy we all as humans crave. I find even the thought that someone out there may like me for who I am to be amazing yet impossible.
I see so many couples in public and it makes me sick. I’m so jealous. I just can’t talk to woman. I’m too afraid. I’m afraid of rejection and humiliation. I over analyze every possible situation and always psyche myself out. I have no confidence and no sense of security. I’ve been told that I’m a pretty attractive guy, yet I don’t see it. I am not happy with who I am. I know I need to start loving myself but I don’t know how.
I am all too familiar with rejection and the friend zone. I realize I do sometimes come off as insecure or needy but that’s because of my past failure. I’m stuck in a cycle. I’m insecure because girls don’t like me and girls don’t like me because I’m insecure. Every time I meet a girl I immediately start obsessing and forming these grandiose fantasies in my head. I get my hopes up and when/if I finally have the courage to ask her out, I get rejected and sink into depression. After this I tell myself that I was a fool to even think that I had a chance and I accept a fate of perpetual loneliness. I make a promise to myself that I will never try to talk to another girl again. This goes on until I meet another girl and I start the cycle again.
Approaching girls in public is flat out impossible for me. I'm just too shy and get severe anxiety. My heart rate increases drastically, my hands sweat, I blush, my voice shakes, I stutter, and I blank. I also experience these symptoms of social anxiety during other forms of public speaking (speaking in class, interviews, etc.). However in these cases the symptoms are less severe. This social anxiety makes me a very asocial person. No matter how bad I long for these social relationships, the social fear inhibits me to avoid any and all social situations that I may find uncomfortable (ex: parties). On many occasions I find myself coming very close to approaching a woman, however once the anxiety kicks in it becomes so bad that I decide that in this moment I would much rather go home and watch a movie alone than have to go through this. For the moment in time the prospect of my anxiety retreating outweighs the prospect of having a girlfriend. I procrastinate and tell myself “I’ll go home but next time I’ll go for it”. I never do.
I hate and envy how so many other people can just posses so many social skills and talk to others as naturally as they breathe. I even have trouble making conversations or friends with people whom I have no romantic interest in. I go to a huge university with tons of different people but i cant seem to talk to any of them. People always tell me not too think about it too much and just “be me”, when I think about it makes no sense because this IS me. I’ve been like this for as long as I could remember. If I’m not being shy and asocial I feel like I’m not being myself. I have also learned that some people confuse my social anxiety with being "stuck up" or conceited. People think that because im always alone, i must think im better than everyone else. On a couple of occasions I have tried faking good social skills but it left me feeling empty. I felt like I wasn’t myself.
I also enjoy sympathy. I don’t know why, I just do. I like people to feel bad for me. My only guess is that I enjoy because I’m so desperate to know that other people care about me. Part of me likes me lonely, sad, and miserable. Maybe its because its all I’ve ever known. Or maybe it’s because it makes m feel alive (I think feeling despair is better than feeling nothing).
I often accept the fact that I’m going to be lonely my whole life. Even if by some miracle I do meet a girl who likes me, eventually I will scare/turn her off with my insecurities, lack of social skills, and depression. I may be able to hide these in a short-term relationship but eventually (as in a long term relationship) they will surface and become visible to her. I get so down about being lonely that I often feel like crying. However, I can’t seem to cry.
I’ve always had trouble with girls and I’ve been told to be patient. The first time I was told this I was fourteen. Seven patient years have passed (I’m 21) and I am growing inpatient. How do I know another seven wont pass by? I don’t know why I’m like this. This all makes me very depressed.

(I have seen various doctors and psychologist in the past. I have many different meds and tried various techniques. Nothing has helped)
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post #2 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-30-2012, 09:30 PM
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im turing 21 just joined the forum to seek help cause im growing very impatient.

I dont have GED or highschool degree no job and im tired as **** all the time. My family treats me horribly and i have no friends no girlfriend and im completely lost
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post #3 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-30-2012, 10:36 PM
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I'm 23 and haven't been out or had friends in 8 years i have a good personality but insecure as hell because i was sheltered and don't understand the social norms. I'm embarrassed to show i don't have friends or have experience in areas of life that most people got experience in during their teenage years. I am so behind.
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post #4 of 84 (permalink) Old 04-30-2012, 10:46 PM
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I'll be your friend?
I would love to be at least one extra person that you can talk to whenever your down.. Nothing compares to chronic loneliness.. Just know that although Im a stranger, I'm here for you. I promise Im not a creep! Lol
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post #5 of 84 (permalink) Old 05-06-2012, 07:38 PM Thread Starter
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Great
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post #6 of 84 (permalink) Old 05-06-2012, 08:32 PM
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I'm not sure what to suggest... I have been in a situation where I crave that intimacy, yet I have never been without it, so cannot fully relate I suppose.

You can message me btw. Always happy to chat :P
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post #7 of 84 (permalink) Old 05-06-2012, 11:22 PM
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Man dude, i know exactly where you're coming from. I am 23 lonely as can be, ive been in a few relationships but i hinder on them, its painful as hell getting to know a girl THEN losing her and having nothing to fall back on. I can give you this one piece of advice get yourself some good friends first before you jump into a bf/gf relationship because if she breaks up with you the fall from that is a lot to handle and in the emotional state you're in now is not a good combination. You just gotta put yourself out there, easier said than done i know. But try reading some books on the subject you gotta start with small steps and work yourself up.
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post #8 of 84 (permalink) Old 08-23-2012, 04:21 AM
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Hey jack123,
Thank you very much indeed, because your post was a print of how I always feel. I couldn't have written it better. Jack, I think I am you when you are 30 years old. Don't let it get you, boy. GO OUT AND FIGHT. FOR YOU...AND FOR ME.
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post #9 of 84 (permalink) Old 11-02-2012, 02:46 PM
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Hey jack, I am in the same exact situation as you are. I literally had to check your name in order to confirm whether I had written this in past or not (lol, sounds crazy, but true). I am so sick and tired of this life. I am like a life member of the friend-zone club. On every b'day I promise myself that I'll have someone special to talk to and give life for. Sometimes I just wish that dec 2012 prophecy comes true. Don't get me wrong. I just dont have enough strength to end my life.
God bless everyone!

P.S. I am also 21.
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post #10 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-21-2012, 02:56 AM
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I'm a 23 y.o. male, just graduated with a Mechanical Engineering degree. I can count on one hand the number of people I befriended throughout my five years in university. I just could never connect with anyone for whatever reason. I'm a very lovable and funny guy once you get to know me, but I'm super uncomfortable in bigger crowds. For me, I think it comes down to confidence, which a lack alot of for whatever reason. It would be nice to just have a couple of friends w common interests that I can just call whenever right? Anyways, thanks for reading.
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post #11 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-21-2012, 04:08 AM
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I feel ya mate =P lately I havent talked to most people lately, Im always alone, but most of the time its by choice, I just dont trust people anymore and Im always feeling to negative to want to hang out with anyone
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post #12 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-21-2012, 05:58 AM
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brother!! just get one thing in your mind...women love men who speak and work with confidence...even i see lot of couples around me and i am the lonely loner stuck in all the craps...you see its not just what you feel..there are many people like you who feel the same way...take it easy and talk to any woman with slight confidence just like you are speaking to some distant friend...things would be fine..i bet ya
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post #13 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-21-2012, 11:48 PM
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Sounds so simple if only I had any confidence to speak of >.>
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post #14 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-28-2012, 09:39 PM
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Why do i feel so unattractive


Dude I just joined this forum today and I joined to specifically reply to your post. I feel the exact same way. I have been depressed for a few weeks now... All I do is stay inside my home because i have no where to go, no one to go see. Everything you posted in your long post is word for word EXACTLY how I feel.... I can't shake it, and sometimes I fear I may just die alone as an old man. I am only 23, but I feel much older
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post #15 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-28-2012, 09:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashishsteag View Post
brother!! just get one thing in your mind...women love men who speak and work with confidence...even i see lot of couples around me and i am the lonely loner stuck in all the craps...you see its not just what you feel..there are many people like you who feel the same way...take it easy and talk to any woman with slight confidence just like you are speaking to some distant friend...things would be fine..i bet ya
dude you make it sound SO MUCH EASIER than it is....... I don't know if you really know how we feel
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post #16 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-28-2012, 09:43 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by missfoxymoon View Post
I feel ya mate =P lately I havent talked to most people lately, Im always alone, but most of the time its by choice, I just dont trust people anymore and Im always feeling to negative to want to hang out with anyone
I am the same way....... I don't know what to do
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post #17 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-28-2012, 09:49 PM
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I feel the exact same way. I don't really have any friends and I've never had a boyfriend or even been kissed. It sucks and its hard not to feel lonely and sad all the time. I too get really nervous around the opposite sex and I feel like because I'm shy guys just think I'm not interested or don't like them. And its not easy to just gain a ton of confidence overnight either. You seem like a nice, genuine person though so I'm sure there is someone out there who would be happy to go out with you.
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post #18 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-28-2012, 09:58 PM
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I certainly can't offer any help because I have almost every single problem that you mentioned as well! but I'll be glad to chat.
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post #19 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-28-2012, 10:12 PM
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Ive never had someone really either... Its like im too afraid of something... To get too close... I push people away...but i try not to
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post #20 of 84 (permalink) Old 12-28-2012, 11:31 PM
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Unhappy

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashishsteag View Post
brother!! just get one thing in your mind...women love men who speak and work with confidence...even i see lot of couples around me and i am the lonely loner stuck in all the craps...you see its not just what you feel..there are many people like you who feel the same way...take it easy and talk to any woman with slight confidence just like you are speaking to some distant friend...things would be fine..i bet ya
You are so sweet (I assume you are replying to me)I really do wish it were that simple. I am sure you very pretty and guys like you just haven't said anything
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