I'm being bullied - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-17-2007, 09:46 PM Thread Starter
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I'm being bullied


How would a person who suffers low self esteem already defend herself against a work place bully.

My two bosses have told me how happy they are with my work.

Sandra is 57 been doing this work for 38 years so she is a seasoned know it all and delights is picking on me.

I clean motels and its very pacey.

I feel sooooo down. She has told me I'm too slow and I go over things too many times. So I'm too thorough. I vacuum too much. I'm taking too long in the rooms.
Sandra is set in her ways and doesn't even listen to the bosses.
My bosses get me to clean the rooms when the triple A rating guy comes for inspection. I think I'm the person you want to clean your room before you stay in a motel.
I see build up on the corner of the shower screen after Sandra has cleaned it.
But I'm just me, sensitive and broken.
My bosses wont confront her, Sandra has been in the job longer than they have.
I've been told by the boss to stand up for myself.

Having anxiety and self esteem issues are really really painful when you have someone telling you how bad your doing, most of the time its me in my head telling me how crap I am, but its right there in front of me in hte form of a *****.
Just when I start to feel like I'm getting confidence and feeling like I'm ok and fine, I'm respected and accepted, I get hit with criticism from the old tart. So my new belief would be dont let your guard down and get all plump with pride cause someone will knock you down.

Why can't I just say, **** this. Sandra has done this to others, so its not too personal.

I guess I could say,

The bosses are happy with my work, so I'm going to listen to the people who pay me.

I'm looking for some empathy or advice in any form, please.

jenky

In the darkest hour the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure.
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-17-2007, 10:52 PM
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The best thing you could do is stand up to her. Tell her to back off, the bosses are happy with your work and so are you and you don't need her nagging you. Tell her to stop, put your foot down. Focus on how much she's bothering you, focus on how annoying she is, focus on how distracting she is, focus on how anxious she makes you feel and use it; don't let that old nag make your life any harder.

A soldierís heart
Reflecting back at me
I keep seeing mutilated faces
Even in my dreams
Distorted images
Flashing rapidly
Psychotically abusing me
Devouring my brain

Shell shocked
battle mortise
overwhelming desirety
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panic attacks
Death raising itís ugly face at me.
Got to make it stop
Canít take it anymore
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-17-2007, 11:18 PM
 
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re: I'm being bullied


Tell her that you take pride in your work, and until one of your superiors tells you otherwise, you're going to continue to do a thorough job. Say that your bosses have complimented your work, so you don't think there is a problem with it. Also tell her that it really gets you down to have her harp at you constantly, and that her criticism isn't going to change the way you do your job. If she insists on continuing with her negative comments, tell her to take it to her superiors.
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-18-2007, 07:14 PM
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Tell her "Listen here you old hag, your just jealous because you cant clean half as good as me"




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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-18-2007, 07:57 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Noca
Tell her "Listen here you old hag, your just jealous because you cant clean half as good as me"
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-18-2007, 08:19 PM
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re: I'm being bullied


Frag Wrote:
Quote:
Tell her that you take pride in your work, and until one of your superiors tells you otherwise, you're going to continue to do a thorough job.
Frag is right. Sometimes you have to do your job to please you, and no one else. Sometimes the pride you take in it is the only reward you have. I'd just keep on doing the awesome job you're doing and don't worry about confronting.

Anxiety-free since a quarter a' three...
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-19-2007, 10:54 AM
 
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I know it might feel impossible to confront the person, but you have to think about things logically. What is the alternative to confronting her? Putting up with it forever? When you look at it that way, you realise you have no choice and it is not even your decision, you are being forced into action. Try not to get aggressive or snap under the strain of one of her comments as that will look bad and if she is as much of a bag as you say, she might mention it to the bosses.

Don't doubt yourself, you are not supposed to be working those conditions, it isn't something you should put up with and it doesn't matter how long it has gone on, speak up even if it makes you feel sick.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-19-2007, 11:00 AM
 
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Bullies will be bullies until someone stronger comes up to them or you stand up for yourself.
There is not even a choice here, you will have to do this one yourself.

Her life is probably so empty she has to take it out on you
If you weren't bothered by what she says to you, she would have stopped a long time ago, but she knows she gets to you and will continue

Get a combo stack of xanax and alcohol one day and tell her to bite one
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-19-2007, 09:19 PM
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re: I'm being bullied


Is there any way of avoiding her Jenky? I was bullied at my last job and had no clue how to stand up to all these bullies. If there's just one it may be possible to tell her you're happy with your own work and show her a smiling face as bullies like to see you down.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-20-2007, 04:54 AM
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re: I'm being bullied


I'm sorry you're having to deal with this. I've encountered this at work too and found the following information helpful. "Bully in Sight" points out that people bully because they feel inadequate and envious of a person who does their job well, and therefore try to feel better by bringing the other person down.

Advice on workplace bullying:
http://www.bullyonline.org/

Good book: Bully in Sight

Support groups:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Nineveh/
http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/bullyonline/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/workbully-support/

Here are some suggested responses from Bully in Sight for dealing with offensive/critical comments:

I'm sorry you feel the need to/choose to criticise me like that
I'd appreciate it if you didn't criticise me like that
We're here to .... and I don't see how your criticism helps us achieve those objectives
I'm sorry you choose to adopt that approach
Thank you for sharing your views
You're not trying to make me feel guilty, are you?
I'm sorry you choose to think that/say that/behave like that
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 08-21-2007, 06:21 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm being bullied


I love you guys, I'm so greatful to have this support.
But now I realise what is going on, and everything is falling to place especially after reading the bullyonline site, thanks Amelia.
I know there will be a time I got to tell Sandra to back off, and her criticisms are only her opinion because the bosses are happy with my work, really scares the crap out of me, and gives me the hotface feeling and racy heart.

jenky

In the darkest hour the soul is replenished and given strength to continue and endure.
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