I'm a dead man walking - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-30-2015, 09:30 PM Thread Starter
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I'm a dead man walking

I'm so ****ing tired of this. I seek people to help me, I have no friends, I've kind of asked acquaintances/family and it just made it worse. I followed advice given on internet got nowhere. Then was told to seek professional help. 3 psychologist and 3 psychiatrist and over ten prescriptions later and I'm incredibly worse. I just got email from my psychologist saying she won't see me anymore. I just went for a 3 mile run hoping that would help but nope. Right now I want to cry but nothing is coming out. I'm popping xanax/klonzapam thinking about taking up drinking just looking for something to numb the pain.

Get help get help yet when you ****ing ask for help they just pass you along. I'm sick of people telling me it will be ok/to just keep going and can't give me a reason to do it. Tell me not to give up yet give up on me.

I really see no way out at this point I"m a ****ing loser. No one wants to even help me, who would want anything to do with me at this point. I"m so screwed up, if put in a situation which will never happen I'd just fail, if I didn't fail I'd mess it up some other way from being socially deprived since I'm so god damn desperate.

I told my psychologist I give myself 3 months to a year before I kill myself a few weeks ago, that number just got pushed up quite a bit today.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-30-2015, 10:21 PM
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There is a lot of us that feel the same . I have no advice otherwise I wouldn't be here my self so all I can suggest is to try and find your happiness not something that makes you happy but something that creates happiness for you on the inside . Find that and you win the game . I'm still looking myself so again I have no answers and I don't think any one will have an answer for you either .
Can chat any time thougt if it helps .

. WTF is wrong with me

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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 02:44 AM
forever single
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Hi @blah . Online advice is very conflicting and contradictory the deeper you look. What might help for some, won't for others. Sadly from my experience, there's no hard and fast piece of advice which seems to work for everyone with SA or depression.

I know how frustrated you feel when it comes to seeking professional help. I only have very limited experience myself (seeing three regular doctors and one CBT appointment with a specialist in that field) and not one of them really understood what I was telling them. All they offered was the same old advice that we've gone to seek them for alternative help in the first place…because we can't do what they're telling us. Ironic really… There’s more to SA than learning about it in a few textbooks. It gives no understanding of how the sufferer feels of the depths of their fears. Asking them to effectively click their fingers and materialise a whole new outlook in life doesn’t work nor help. The suffer is not always responsible for how they are and they never even consider that external influences might also play a large part. They never accept this. It's all our fault and that's that. They want you to tell them what's wrong and how you feel – but then rubbish your response. Why bother asking then?! If they won't listen and accept what we tell them, then we won't get anywhere. Honestly, there's no point in seeing professional help. All it does is lead to increased frustration and anger…and then, without a hint of irony, they turn round and say it's us that's not willing to listen. Honestly – stay away from them.

They're just as useless as regular people. Regular people can literally 'materialise' positives and progressions in life at will. We can't – that's where the problem lies. What comes to them naturally is something we don't have the ability to do – and that's where they simply cannot understand what it's like to have something they presume everyone has within them. We do the same things as them in terms of effort, yet it seems we're in quicksand. The more we fight to try and improve, the further we sink. No one is there to chuck us a rope. They merely look round tell us to fight harder as they walk on past in the 'race' that are live's progressions. Yet if one of their comrades falls, they'll certainly help them back up to their feet. Why? They've already made progressions. It seems if you 'spawn' a few from thin air, you're granted more as standard or others will go out of their way to ensure they get them anyway. For those who have nothing, they're basically told to do everything alone. So, those who need the most help to get up on even the first rung of the social ladder end up with absolutely no help at all. As those like us have nothing, no one feels compelled to chuck us even a few crumbs.

I know I'm a loser in life also. My life basically stalled when I was about 15 and never got going again. Barring having a job and a car, absolutely nothing else has changed in my life. It's positively infuriating – especially when I know I've done what I can, within the limits of SA, to improve myself. Nothing…not one single thing has worked.

If I had genuine advice to give to people which would be of at least some benefit, believe me, I'd happily share it because the situation we find ourselves in on a day to day basis is borderline untenable.

The only thing I can say is hold in there. What I'm trying to do is to basically become a more independent and resilient individual. I'm determined to get my revenge some day...and that what keeps me going. Basically, if anyone who has turned their back on me (basically everyone) in the future needs help in their hour of need, I'll happily close the door in their face. "Help yourself" or "It's all your fault" will be my words. I certainly won't feel bad about doing it and finally, some karma will be delivered.

Please don't forget that we also have each other to lean on here. We might not be able to help, but at least we can support one another - and see what really goes on in our backward society.

"My life is an endless purgatory, interrupted by profound moments of misery"

My Blog: https://haymansafc.wordpress.com/
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 02:57 AM
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Umm, why does your psych not want to see you anymore?
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 08:43 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by versikk View Post
Umm, why does your psych not want to see you anymore?
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 09:42 AM
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Weed would change your life bruh
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 12:24 PM
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if youre psych terminated your therapy is cause its better for you. Not cause he/she doesnt like you. Its his/her job.

Nothing matters more than everything.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 03:19 PM
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Originally Posted by bruised View Post
Weed would change your life bruh
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Weed can't help those who suffer the most

They live pain day in n out and sometimes run away. For good

Because not a single person understood and ya it might seem selfish to someone else

But the pain they endured is selfish. Harming in itself is selfish action that makes sense for certain ppl who keep dealing with REAL issues.
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 03:21 PM
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Originally Posted by bruised View Post
Weed would change your life bruh
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Is weed your answer to everything?
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 03:29 PM
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We all are, give or take a few decades.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by bruised View Post
Weed would change your life bruh
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haha this would actually make him worse
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-01-2015, 03:50 PM
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sounds like you are going through a ruff patch all i can say is keep your head up

i feel the need the need for speed
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