I just feel so ****ing awful? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-10-2016, 04:47 AM Thread Starter
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I just feel so ****ing awful?

I feel so depressed 99% of the time.I'll have a good day and then it will slowly turn to crap. I go through so many ups and downs in a single day. What is wrong with me?

I have been seeing a new guy and he is great but I feel so messed up. I go from telling him he's awesome to telling him maybe we shouldn't be together cos I'm such a **** up. I had a rough childhood and I get jealous of his family life as he has such a close family. I am only close to my sister but we still argue a lot and I don't see her THAT much. My Dad is an alcoholic and my Mum rarely shows me affection. His family love him and he's always on the phone to his sister or meeting her for lunch. I feel so jealous of that. I wish I had that.

Instead I am stuck at home on my day off. Too anxious to leave the house today. I am bored and depressed at home. I've just caked myself in makeup as I am so bored and empty. I have taken etizolam and a can of Monster but I just feel ****. Yesterday I took some etizolam and I felt so high on life, so happy with this guy, I felt like I could conquer the world. I told him I love him.. But today I wanna shut everyone out.

Nothing interests me. I used to love playing WoW but now I try and play and I can't focus on the game at all, my eyes glaze over.

One day I feel determined to get better, the next, this. My counsellor says I need to teach myself to control my emotions rather than let them control me.. but I can't. I feel so alone.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-10-2016, 06:57 AM
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Originally Posted by MoonlitMadness View Post
I feel so depressed 99% of the time.I'll have a good day and then it will slowly turn to crap. I go through so many ups and downs in a single day. What is wrong with me?
This is mostly internal from what I can tell; you'll grow better at coping with the external stuff as you fortify yourself from the inside out.

You envy your boyfriend, which is fine until you start to let it cast a shadow on your own life like you are now. It's destructive. And if it fully destroys what you two have, you WILL regret it.

You have to learn how to keep yourself happy. Make full use of hobbies and interests that bring you joy, stay productive so you can look back on it when you feel sad and say you're doing something. Sadness is stagnant, happiness is dynamic.

And life doesn't come without ups and downs. Even your boyfriend's life isn't perfect, I guarantee it. Everything you envy about his life is on the surface. Everything.
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 03-10-2016, 07:42 AM
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