I haven't cried in years. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-31-2021, 04:05 AM Thread Starter
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I haven't cried in years.

This is a small vent, and I'm not sure if it belongs in this part of the forum.

It's come to my awareness that it's been over 4 years since the last time I cried. This is probably due to the fact that I've been judged and criticized about crying in the past partly because I'm a male... and so I "trained" myself not to try often? (I find it hard to cry now.)

Probably not the best thing to do, but I still do it anyways.

Feels kind of strange to think about.

That is all.

- A-60
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-31-2021, 10:39 AM
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This is always an interesting subject to me, because I always had the opposite problem. (I'm a woman, because that's probably relevant.) I've had social anxiety disorder my whole life, and, ever since I was a child, my instinctive, biological reaction to feeling anxiety was to cry. When you're a kid, that sort of thing is cute and endearing. As a grown adult, not so much. Particularly when the situation is one that wouldn't bother a "normal" person.
One of the things that triggers my anxiety a lot is when unexpected things come up or happen to me. It can be tough sometimes to explain to your boss why you're in tears because she asked you to work on your day off.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 01-31-2021, 11:26 AM
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It takes quite a bit for me to cry but I'd say that I cry about the things that make most people cry. If I see something sad pop up in my youtube feed and decide to watch it, 9 times out of 10 I will either cry or turn it off before I do.

I suppose I wouldn't really want to cry in front of other people but it's not really due to being male so much as it's due to crying in front of other people being naturally embarrassing and making a scene and putting yourself in an uncomfortable spotlight that doesn't do good things for people with SA.

I would say it's normal to not want to cry in front of other whether you're male or female.

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-01-2021, 03:15 PM
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Can relate so hard. It takes knocking down so many reinforced barriers I've put up over the years, all of which basically telling me to "man up" in the face of anything that's bothering me. The times I have been able to cry have been some of the most cathartic moments of my life so far.

Come to think of it a lot of my sorrow gets converted to anger nowadays because I can't bring myself to cry it out. And I don't want to wallow in sadness for long.

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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-04-2021, 03:11 PM
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I know that feeling. I don't cry a whole lot, even though I feel sad a lot of the times. Weirdly some things I have no problem crying about (my pets, whenever one is in turmoil I'm a wet towel), but others I can't seem to get going. Like you, it's probably related to the same stuff - raised in home where showing emotions was not permitted. It's too bad, though I do notice feeling sad more noticeable more often so maybe it's improvement lol.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-06-2021, 05:02 PM
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I'm 25 and I haven't cried since I was in middle school, so 12 or 13. But I don't really see it as a problem, I don't think there's ever a good reason to cry, it seems pointless to me.

Last edited by CNikki; 02-06-2021 at 05:10 PM. Reason: Please refrain from implying on 'who has it worse' by making another person's concerns seem less than your own. Thanks.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-06-2021, 05:15 PM
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I've learned not to cry in the presence of other people - even close friends and family. When I'm by myself and confined in my room, it can be another story. In the recent years I seem to cry more when given that opportunity.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-06-2021, 06:11 PM
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I was born male and raised as a boy, and until I decided to come out a few years ago I rarely ever cried. The few times I did cry, it was over the end of a relationship, or the death of a pet, so I would go years without crying. I might have cried 3 times in a period of about 20 years there. Even now, thinking about how terrible my life is and contemplating [redacted] doesn't make me sad or like I want to cry. I just feel very bitter about the whole thing.

Otoh, now that I'm no longer pretending to be a man, when it comes to watching movies/tv, I cry all the time. Mostly when people are very nice to each other (not usually if something is merely sad). I used to have tricks to avoid crying when I was watching stuff when I was in the closet.

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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-07-2021, 05:07 AM
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I can sometimes cry for an emotional movie scene that isn't even sad, or if I stub a toe, but not if everybody I know dies.

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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-08-2021, 07:29 PM
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Its awful men aren't allowed to show emotion in society. I suspect this has stunted my emotional growth as well. I've probably cried 5 times in the last ten years. But when I cry, it's ugly. I never cry in front of others, for pretty much the same reasons you mentioned. It's so ingrained in boys that it's weak or feminine to cry. It messes us up big time.
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 02-08-2021, 09:49 PM
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I'm so used to circumstances that have led to my depression that I can't even cry about it anymore, you could say I'm a kind of dead inside. Once you get over the initial sadness you eventually start accepting your life situation and that you're powerless. And from then on you just feel empty.

The only times where I get close to crying is when I get angry about something or someone but I always stop myself because people would think even less of me if they saw me crying.
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