I hate how my voice changes depending on who I'm talking to - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 08:22 AM Thread Starter
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I hate how my voice changes depending on who I'm talking to


Not sure if other people have this problem, but I think my voice changes pitch (or something? * ) when I'm talking to authority figures. In my head I almost sound like a child.

It's annoying to me because I only do it with like managers, professors when I was at uni and so on. And to them or to other people it may sound like I'm sucking up to them, when I'm just feeling anxious. I also hate how sometimes people respond to that by talking 'delicately' to me. And it makes me cringe deeply whenever that happens, because I can't control it much.

I also expect this would explain why people aren't often aggressive towards me irl. I think my tone (especially if I'm apologizing) just pacifies them.

---

I think I sound a lot harsher when I'm talking to people on the same level (ugh, I actually have to actively stop myself from being too aggressive with people sometimes if I get too used to talking to them informally. That would also explain why I've always had some people think I'm stuck-up and full of myself even when I was in primary school. Maybe it's just the way I talk).

---

* probably not pitch. I tried it on some pitch analyzing app I have and it didn't change much.

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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 09:59 AM
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It varies depending on who I'm talking to and how comfortable I am yeah. I've noticed even in a single YouTube video when I'm editing it, my voice changes at different points lol.

I guess I don't sound that young to everyone though. I'm inclined to think I do because of my age complex but I remember one time at uni two guys were discussing me openly on social media and how I seemed young and one pointed out that I seemed mature/intelligent because of my voice in spite of my appearance. The other seemed to think I seemed young based on behaviour I think though. I'm not sure if this was in response to the same facebook discussion where the guy who pointed out I was mature suggested every female person on the course we were studying (which was not many in the first place) were lesbians or not lol. He specifically called me and someone else out, I'm not sure if it was actually everyone but it was something like that I guess because nobody wanted to have sex with him haha. I think I was annoyed at the time but it's pretty funny to me now.

Anyway I'm sure with many people I sound younger because of social anxiety.

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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 10:14 AM
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Yeah, I have this too, with pitch getting higher the less comfortable I feel towards the individual and situation. Possibly also their sex, but I'm really not sure. Maybe it's a subconscious defense mechanism, taking on a tone that's more likely to elicit a gentle reaction. And if that works, well, I'm glad it's there.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 01:18 PM
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Yep, I get a "little girl voice" when speaking to someone I perceive to be more powerful than me/"authority", it sucks.
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 05:17 PM
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My voice does this too. I call it my "customer service voice" but its really my people pleaser voice. This happens often when I'm talking to more senior people at work. My voice gets higher and is like overly friendly. It makes me feel like an idiot when I talk like this.

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Using nothing but their voice
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-15-2021, 01:22 AM
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I don't think I do this. What happens to me is that words mysteriously disappear from my sentences when I get anxious. Like, "Hi, I'm ___" (when I'm trying to introduce myself) or "Can I get an extra large ___" (when I'm trying to order coffee). I often have to repeat myself. When I'm not anxious I don't have any problem.

It doesn't have anything to do with authority figures, but it's more likely to happen when I'm talking to strangers. Probably because if I'm talking to someone I don't know, I'm more likely to be anxious. Ofc, knowing that it might happen makes talking to people more stress-inducing.

I still often pitch my voice low, out of habit, to make myself sound more masculine. People take me more seriously when I do. But I'm slowly breaking myself of the habit.

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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-15-2021, 02:23 AM
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I'll get a mousey voice when talking to people at work but if I happen to see someone I know well, I get louder and more assertive and then afraid everyone will hear me. It sucks. Either a mousey voice or this overly stern one that makes me seem mean and unfriendly.

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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-15-2021, 07:20 AM
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i dont like the sound of my voice.....i always had a hang up about it....it is a very dull, monotonous, nasal sounding voice.....it used to hurt me when i was in school
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 04:58 AM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coeur_brise View Post
I'll get a mousey voice when talking to people at work but if I happen to see someone I know well, I get louder and more assertive and then afraid everyone will hear me. It sucks. Either a mousey voice or this overly stern one that makes me seem mean and unfriendly.

mousey! ya, I like that description. I think it fits what I meant.

I also relate to being loud then worrying other people hearing me, or suddenly getting mousey once I realize someone I'm not comfortable around was nearby.

I find it weird sometimes when some junior people at work are very anxious around me or use respectful titles and all that. Kind of makes me feel like "wait, why is this person afraid of me again?"

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