I felt insulted.. but its because of my attitude - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 08-19-2019, 10:51 AM Thread Starter
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I felt insulted.. but its because of my attitude


I spend most of my time in my room. But I go out once in a while to buy street food (mostly I eat the food prepared by my mom). There is one of the street food where I eat regularly. I went there today. I asked for a fried chicken leg piece and some rice as a parcel. He didn't talk much and gave me the food after some time (I'm ok with it).

But while I'm leaving, he said "ignore the one who ignores" to his co-worker. I felt insulted. He used to talk well before but in recent times he just doesn't talk much. It's because I just order food, and I answer in a word for any other questions if asked. I also don't make eye contact much. I don't smile, I will just be like a robot.

People talk and also laugh sometimes while interaction. I just can't laugh. Also, I have an overbite.

When I was around 13 years old, I went into a shop to buy some local snacks food here (I simply mention it here as candies). I asked him to give candy for 10 rupees. He told me 1 candy is 1.50 Rupees and asked me "How many candies for Rupees 10". My social phobia kicks in, I told him a wrong answer in a hurry. Since there is a decimal point, my brain became a dump.

He asked me what are you studying and other details. I replied. Then he told me "Are you studying or sleeping in the classroom and other things". I felt insulted and very bad. At least no one was around me. No strangers or friends around.

Now I'm 25, and now people ask me "What is your job/What are you doing" and I simply reply "I'm not working" (I actually work from home but if I tell them then I might have to explain) but both of them are looked down by the people.

That's why I avoid people. I don't want any trouble. I just want to buy things and get home. Actually, I had mild Agoraphobia. I have overcome it (most of the times) by imagining that no one is looking at me and just to ignore everything when in public.

Even now my calculations may take around 10 seconds minimum for simple calculations and I feel it as a long time and worried people will judge me. But it may be higher for complex or even worse I don't know the answer.

I feel I can do fine in western society. I actually care more about Indians judging me. I don't care in western society because I feel like a complete strange. The news won't pass to my parents or friends. I don't have to worry about anyone.

I can even polish shoes in Newyork streets. I don't mind. I can survive with it happily.

Also, people pay here a very low amount. Like $100 per month for hardest works. Even worse some are not paid for months. I earn $10 per day from the internet but many look it down. Like they ask "Are your parents ok with it". I want to move to the U.S badly.

Thanks for spending your time reading.

Last edited by Manooffewwords; 08-19-2019 at 11:24 AM. Reason: Corrected
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 08-22-2019, 10:26 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Colorado
Gender: Male
Age: 23
Posts: 1,492
My Mood: Cold
It's the same **** everywhere you go. As long as there's humans there will be SA. Congrats on the progress that you've made, that's very good.

I think that sometimes we have be honest with ourselves and understand certain situations from the other persons perspective. Maybe in some ways they're right and that's ok because your trying to improve.

My point is that its good to view situations where we feel judged from all perspectives not just our own.


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Live for the progress that you've made.
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