When I went to church I always felt everyone was more spiritual than I was and followed Christ better and prayed more/fasted, etc.
An example from what you wrote.
1. You can't measure "spirituality", how spiritual are you? so its not a good metric to compare your progress on.
2. You can't measure how spiritual other people are.
3. You can't determine how often other people pray or fast.
4. You can't measure how "well" someone follows Christ.
so, let me ask you, how on earth could you, possibly achieve this standard you have set? It's absolutely impossible, because you can't even measure it, at all.
I am not having a go or anything, just pointing out what you don't seem to have noticed.. That you have literally set goals you cannot possibly meet, or even know when you have achieved them
, and are then whipping yourself for not having met them. So long as you have these intangible goals, you aren't going to get anywhere.. you are literally actively preventing
yourself from having any sense of achievement.
Of course you are frustrated by not having achievement.
The solution, if you want actual achievement is pick something that matter to you, make sure its quantifiable (you can measure it) and try to improve it over time
Literally all of the things you feel you lack in achievement, are really hard to measure.
1. Others being more confident (how is confidence measured? How can this be distinguished from them seeming confident)
2. Being good at the job (how is this measured)
3. Being "big" at the gym, depth of voice
4. Happiness of neighbours (you know people hide their misery, right?)
5. Car "niceness"
6. Better personality
7. Looks, genetics, talent
8. "General goodness at things".
Pick a goal, a tangible one, and work towards it, otherwise your entire life is going to be filled with failure, because you by definition cannot achieve any success
So for example, you have several domains that seem to be important to you:
My advice would be to, for each of these (or whatever actually you
want to achieve), pick something that you can measure and that is slightly difficult, but doable, and you can improve upon over time, and do it, and measure it, and record it, and see if you actually improve.
1. Pray x amount per day, or self flagellate x times per day (don't do this, I am joking, spirituality obviously isn't something to measure, its something you can't quantify)
2. Get to certain realistic benchmarks after 1 month. Reduce weight by x. Gain weight by x. Increase lift by x. Increase measurement by x. Make it achievable.
3. Put in place a long term plan for increasing your employability, capability of earning more. Training, skills, whatever. Decide to do things and follow through on them.
4. Take up meditation. Do CBT. Speak to therapists. Measure how often you do these things.
These are examples only. You need to spend some time determining what is actually important to you and setting and making achievable goals. If you don't do this, then obviously you aren't going to get any sense of achievement.
Reply and tell me what you are going to do.