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-   -   I feel like burden to my (vary few) friends (https://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/i-feel-like-burden-to-my-vary-few-friends-145347/)

lonely metalhead 10-02-2011 03:09 PM

I feel like burden to my (vary few) friends
 
Ok I'm not that great of a guy to know or talk with, I can never really have a conversation to began with, but when I do talk its all doom and gloom. I don't wanna bring my friends down with all my negativity, when I wanna talk with them I never do because I know all I will say is how fu*ked up my life is. As result of always being a failure, always messing up in life, that's all I can ever think about, I can never just talk or even think about anything else. If I'm not upset about something that went wrong, I'm worrying about what will go wrong next. Who wants to talk to a guy who can never shut up about how sh*ty his life is. I'm not a vary good friend to began with, but I try, but I always feel that I should just withdraw completely because I can never be a friend to anyone. If I'm not avoiding talking to them because I think that's the best for everyone, I'm constantly messaging them and worrying about what I did wrong. An obsessive nature + extreme impatients, is not a good combination. I know my friend's care about me, atleast I assume and hope they do, but how much of me can a person take. I already hate me, how long till my friend's feel the same way. I have loses to many of them, im always worrying about that. I don't think I can actually be friends with people. Why else would things fu*k up so much. I have no clue why I'm even bothering with this but anyway its here.

Hopeful25 10-02-2011 03:40 PM

No one else is gonna like you if you don't even like yourself. I learned that. You need to learn to forgive yourself :|. We're all human, we all have flaws, and we can all improve as human beings. No one is "doomed" to a sh*tty life, they work their way there by shrouding themselves in negativity. Instead of hating yourself, how about trying to improve. It's a very (very, VERY) slow process, so you need to be patient. And it sounds like you have good friends that are patient with you and want you to feel better. If you at least try to work on having conversations on something other than how depressed you are I can almost guarantee you'll see improvement. I was depressed last year in high school and my friends stood by me (my real friends anyway..) and they helped me get better and get through it till graduation and I'm thankful for that. You have friends that are willing to help you and in my opinion you shouldn't take that for granted. You should at least try to improve your communication skills, I think you'd see that there's more to you than you thought :).

lonely metalhead 10-02-2011 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hopeful25 (Post 1059337591)
No one else is gonna like you if you don't even like yourself. I learned that. You need to learn to forgive yourself :|. We're all human, we all have flaws, and we can all improve as human beings. No one is "doomed" to a sh*tty life, they work their way there by shrouding themselves in negativity. Instead of hating yourself, how about trying to improve. It's a very (very, VERY) slow process, so you need to be patient. And it sounds like you have good friends that are patient with you and want you to feel better. If you at least try to work on having conversations on something other than how depressed you are I can almost guarantee you'll see improvement. I was depressed last year in high school and my friends stood by me (my real friends anyway..) and they helped me get better and get through it till graduation and I'm thankful for that. You have friends that are willing to help you and in my opinion you shouldn't take that for granted. You should at least try to improve your communication skills, I think you'd see that there's more to you than you thought :).

Thanks for the lecture I know you are trying to help and maybe I'm just in the wrong kinda mood but really this is what I have heard all my life. Ok first of all I DO try and fu*k up every time. I can't stop thinking of how fu*ked up I am, so I can't really talk about anything else, atleast without bullsh*ting them which I rather not do. I don't take friend's for granted I'm just aware that chances are the will stop giving a damn eventually, they always do. One last thing the whole no ones gonna like you if you don't like yourself even though im aware of that, I just think its bullsh*t at this point, it may be true but seems most people have a reason not to like me, why can't I have my own? Will liking myself despite what a fu*k up I am fix my problems? No it won't. Yeah its a vary vary slow process I have been suffering through it for year's, do you think that people can deal with it indefinitely until things finally get better, or do you think people have a limit on just how much misery they can take?

Hopeful25 10-02-2011 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lonely metalhead (Post 1059337617)
Thanks for the lecture I know you are trying to help and maybe I'm just in the wrong kinda mood but really this is what I have heard all my life. Ok first of all I DO try and fu*k up every time. I can't stop thinking of how fu*ked up I am, so I can't really talk about anything else, atleast without bullsh*ting them which I rather not do. I don't take friend's for granted I'm just aware that chances are the will stop giving a damn eventually, they always do. One last thing the whole no ones gonna like you if you don't like yourself even though im aware of that, I just think its bullsh*t at this point, it may be true but seems most people have a reason not to like me, why can't I have my own? Will liking myself despite what a fu*k up I am fix my problems? No it won't. Yeah its a vary vary slow process I have been suffering through it for year's, do you think that people can deal with it indefinitely until things finally get better, or do you think people have a limit on just how much misery they can take?

And you're gonna **** up when you try at first. But if you keep trying and notice what you're doing wrong you will improve, I'm living proof of that, as well as many others here. Don't give up so fast, you have to endure a little but keeping a positive attitude helps a lot in the meantime. If you just keep putting yourself down you'll keep ****ing up, and the cycle will continue and you will be in never ending misery.

If you feel like you're bull****ting them, then keep in mind that being a good friend includes talking about things other than your own life and how bad it is (at the moment). Also think about how talking about things other than how depressed you are will help you. You want to get better right? Then you have to stop putting yourself down all the time. That's the first step. At least have a goal to improve, if you think about improving instead of moping that will get you out of that depressive state of mind and more into a constructive, productive state of mind that will help you a lot in the long run.

Liking yourself does help, because first of all you won't feel as bad. And you'll have some sort of base holding you up when you're feeling really depressed (which you clearly are right now). Also, you really need to forgive yourself, you're only human. You have social anxiety. You're not a **** up. You're going through a rough time in your life. It can get better if you don't beat yourself up every single time you mess up. It happens. If you want it to happen less, don't give up on yourself. If you want to be miserable for the rest of your life, continue doubting yourself. That's pretty much what it comes down to, and that's what I mean when I say no one is gonna like you until you learn to like yourself and forgive yourself. It's all about improvement. If you won't let yourself improve then you won't obviously and you'll be stuck in everlasting misery. It's your call. Also I suggest a therapist if you're not already seeing one, he/she will probably get this point across a lot better than I can. Good luck in the future :). You can improve, this may sound cheesy but you have to believe in yourself or I guarantee you will never improve and you will stay miserable :|

lonely metalhead 10-02-2011 04:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hopeful25 (Post 1059337690)
And you're gonna **** up when you try at first. But if you keep trying and notice what you're doing wrong you will improve, I'm living proof of that, as well as many others here. Don't give up so fast, you have to endure a little but keeping a positive attitude helps a lot in the meantime. If you just keep putting yourself down you'll keep ****ing up, and the cycle will continue and you will be in never ending misery.

If you feel like you're bull****ting them, then keep in mind that being a good friend includes talking about things other than your own life and how bad it is (at the moment). Also think about how talking about things other than how depressed you are will help you. You want to get better right? Then you have to stop putting yourself down all the time. That's the first step. At least have a goal to improve, if you think about improving instead of moping that will get you out of that depressive state of mind and more into a constructive, productive state of mind that will help you a lot in the long run.

Liking yourself does help, because first of all you won't feel as bad. And you'll have some sort of base holding you up when you're feeling really depressed (which you clearly are right now). Also, you really need to forgive yourself, you're only human. You have social anxiety. You're not a **** up. You're going through a rough time in your life. It can get better if you don't beat yourself up every single time you mess up. It happens. If you want it to happen less, don't give up on yourself. If you want to be miserable for the rest of your life, continue doubting yourself. That's pretty much what it comes down to, and that's what I mean when I say no one is gonna like you until you learn to like yourself and forgive yourself. It's all about improvement. If you won't let yourself improve then you won't obviously and you'll be stuck in everlasting misery. It's your call. Also I suggest a therapist if you're not already seeing one, he/she will probably get this point across a lot better than I can. Good luck in the future :). You can improve, this may sound cheesy but you have to believe in yourself or I guarantee you will never improve and you will stay miserable :|

Well at the vary least, you mean well and your positive. I suppose I could just continue my point of just debating this but that will go no where. I still feel the same way, and I likely will for a while, but I'm too damn bullheaded to stop, I always was the stubborn type. Thanks for reading my thread, and for your positive word's.

Hopeful25 10-02-2011 04:38 PM

No problem. Positivity is the key, try to remember that. Life has rough patches but things can get better with effort and a little luck :)

hallowedbeeddie 10-02-2011 06:41 PM

I used to fell like a burden on my friends (the few I had and loved). I felt they were my friends because they pitied me. About a year ago I moved. I donīt feel like a burden to friends anymore because I have none (not where I now live, and I cant get in touch with my old friends because my old phone was stolen with their numbers and dont have them:() . I just have people I know. yes, Iīm a loser :rolleyes:


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