Exactly, if I knew what I knew now I would not be in this situation. Thats why I'm cutting off everything that would continue holding me back. No more video games, tv shows or movies unless in a social setting.
I don't think you necessarily need to give up the things that you love in order to make that transition into adulthood. Heck, I have my G1 (not my full liscence, but my dad is the one whose teaching me how to drive). I hit the gym and I'm currently trying to look for Volunteer work, but I still enjoy watching cartoons and anime.
Anywhoo, I can completely relate with all of these posts:
Yes you are completely right. Oh my gosh I never thought about it like that!
I told my Mom the other day that the reason I feel like this is because I have not had that many good experiences. I mean when people don't want to be around you, you are going to want to try and find something to distract you from the pain. My toys and cartoons were my safety net back then and I think I just never let them go since. In short they sort of became my identity without me even realizing they were holding me back from ever growing up.
See I don't hate what it means to be adult, I just don't understand it. I am fear full about what it means to grow up and part of me is ok with how things are. Being a child feels safe, since as a kid there are no responsibilities. I don't know, I just sort of think I am delayed. Like the way I feel now is 10 but if that is the case, does that mean I wont hit 20 until I am like 44?
But especially this:
I know what you mean about your life sort of staying the same. I feel like even after finishing college I am right back where I started. Back at home, sitting in my room drawing playing neopets and watching anime. My parents told me the way to break out of this is to get my license, get a job, and just move instead of sitting still. They make it sound so easy, but to me it feels like one giant jump into adulthood and that scares me.
... I can completely understand and sympathize with. I'm 23 (turning 24 in May), but mentally and emotionally I still feel like a little kid. I suppose it could be because I didn't get many necessary experiences when I was a teenager, which is exactly what you need to become an adult. My colleagues all have jobs, live on their own, have boyfriends, can drive, etc. except for me. It's extremely embarrassing, but at the same time, it's hard for me to give up the 'childish' things that I love; toys, cartoons, anime/manga, etc. I feel like even if I become an adult, a part of me is still going to love doing those things.
I'm not necessarily scared to make the transition into adulthood, but whenever I try to, like you, I also find the change extremely scary and overwhelming and I revert back to how I was before. Then it repeats: embarrassment -> getting sick and tired of it -> trying to change -> feeling overwhelmed & stopping. It's a vicious cycle, but I'm trying to beat it this year.
The good thing is that like me, you're aware of your shortcomings and you acknowledge that its bad. I think the key is to do one thing a day or every other day to get to that point. It's something that my therapist suggested and tbh, it makes sense. Don't push yourself too hard and don't make unrealistic goals or expectations for yourself, otherwise it'll lead to more disappointments, low self-esteem issues and more feelings of failure and inferiority. It all starts with doing ONE THING a day. Even if its simple or its not much, at least it's a start. Change doesn't happen overnight, especially for somebody who has SA; it takes months or even years.
I find that keeping a journal helps too. And by a journal I don't mean livejournal, or a blog or anything like that: I mean like a private diary you can write about your personal feelings and achievements in. I tried the whole online journal thing, but it didn't work because certain people were reading it too and it restricted me from wanting to write about how I truly felt. A diary gives you more freedom, and you can write about whatever you want. It helps you cope and overcome what you're going through.