I don't want to live past 18.

Quite recently, I have turned 15. Simply acknowledging that fact throws me into a mental breakdown. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to stop being a child. It doesn't seem worth it to me, and in complete honesty, I don't really think I want to live to see past 18. Everything is just moving too fast. What should I do? I am terrified of growing up, and I don't know how to cope.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. "Growing up" is mostly just something that happens while you're living the rest of your life otherwise. It's not something you really need to figure out or anything. It happens very slowly and incrementally. It's not like someone just flips a switch and all of a sudden you have to contend with the adult world. You take baby steps into adulthood and probably won't even realize you're there until you take a look back and realize you aren't a kid or teen anymore. And just being 18 certainly doesn't mean you're an adult, except maybe in the eyes of the legal system. An 18 year old is still really just a kid to most people. I know I certainly wasn't an adult yet back when I was 18.

I never wanted to live past 30. I always thought I was "supposed to" die around 13-14 when I was seriously suicidal.

But here I am at 36 -- still feeling like a teen in my head, but still alive nonetheless. I suggest taking it one day at a time. "Growing up" is highly overrated so don't feel pressured into it. Besides, I feel like life speeds up a lot in your late 20's, and the years will be flying by before you know it.

If you have not tried therapy and you have access to it, I would strongly recommend you try it. Especially considering that at your age, you have more time and energy and opportunity than you might later on when you get older and have to work.

yeah i agree, you should start seeking out therapy, it will do you good

Approaching leaving school age is a very traumatic time for some of us. I remember how it was for me... So much pressure on our shoulders, our expectation levels set way too high, and time seems to pass so quickly, and yet we feel we aren't prepared for what is possibly ahead. Everybody's situation is different. Talking it through with a Doctor/Therapist etc. will pay huge dividends, and will take that massive weight off your shoulders. Go for it, what do you have to lose? Also communicatin our fears on a nurturing Forum (like this one) can help to get things off our chests, and may allow people to post their opinions, which in turn might show you paths, thought processes etc. etc. that you might not have thought of yet... Thank you for posting, you are very brave and please keep posting

What Dave has said. You're very young and it's okay to not know what you want to do just yet.

There's many people even twice your age who are still not sure on what to do with their lives, and that's also okay.

That depends oh how your environment is programmed and how people speak to you overall.


At age 16 years old, I thought about what would happen to me with jobs, because I was placed in special ed. The teachers in special ed would find the time to speak down to me to make me feel stupider than the kids in class.

When I was 19 years old in my last year of High school, my father's girlfriend family criticized my age and never spoke about the situation that I'm in. Just to kick me out on the streets during midnight morning, and at the time I was a month away from graduating high school. What I mean by criticized my age is that my father's girlfriend family compares me with people my age to isolate me.

At age 21 years old my family focused on me being 30 years old. I had an aunt who told me when I'm 30 years old, that I will be too old for any women or job to ever want me.




Training my brain helped me understood that the people aren't speaking from their own real mind. Just an A.I supercomputer trying to isolate me by making people used discouraging words to get me to think negative about myself.

It's how you feel and think about yourself that is important. Screw everyone else, afterall what do they know...

What about growing up worries you? Growing up is a gradual change - some good, some bad. But perhaps there's something in particular that concerns you?

I think it's best to take each day as it comes - 18 is a long way away! As it is, we grow and change every day - sure, at 18 we're legally allowed to do more things, but the person you are doesn't change overnight. Even when you're much older, you'll still have some traits from your childhood, and that's okay - everyone does <3

First of all, I would like to agree with @WillYouStopDave .

Do not be ashamed to seek therapy. Everybody has struggles in life, and yours is no less legitimate. The best thing you can do for yourself, is to try.

Life, has its disappointments, I have been on SAS for about 10 years. I wish I could tell you that all of my anxieties have disappeared by now. But alas, life is not that simple. We have to fight everyday.

And yes, I know, that having SA, makes even the simplest social interactions that much harder. Yes I know that the simplest things like having a core group of friends, and finding/keeping a romantic partner...can seem like insurmountable tasks with SA....but this life....is worth living.

This website is a support, and we are glad that you have reached out. Keep posting.

Well, growing up is, sadly (at least to many people somewhere in their lifetimes), part of life, and with that comes insecurity, not knowing things and not being prepared for what is coming. If it helps, no-one is really prepared for adulthood, and fumbling and yes being scared is part of it, as are some of the unique joys that'll never never be experienced by being a child.

That sucks but after 18 is when things started to suck less for me.

Hi @Zemmi
Please update us ? How are you doing ?
We'd like to know that you're OK. Please let us know. Remember, thanks to the marvels of the internet, the people on this website really do understand exactly what you are going through. So even if nobody in your area understands or respects what SA is....you can always come here to talk.

When I was 20 and in my first year at university...away from home....every other boy in my room got a girlfriend within the first 6 months...and I would literally lay in bed and have to force myself to sleep while hearing the happy sounds of every single one of my roommates enjoying the company of women....whilst I lay in bed alone.

Even if it felt completely lonely and hopeless at that time...I did eventually find a girlfriend.
But when I think back to that year...I often felt really dark and isolated.