I was homeless for a number of years, mostly really depressed and withdrawn. I lived in homeless shelters and moved around some. My ex-wife tried hard to help me, although I wouldnít go back to her because we fought about how I was all the time. I couldnít find energy or enthusiasm in life with her any more than for myself and left her three times in all. She kept trying to bring me back and I kept leaving.
Being homeless was if nothing else freedom form the fear because it is giving up all pride and prejudice. Homelessness is survival on the streets and nothing more. Mostly all you have to know is who to stay away from, and stay out of trouble with the police. Shelters and food kitchens will keep you alive. People avoid you and donít even try to make you feel less than normal because they all ready know that you know you are not up to their social status.
I feel terrible if I offended you in any way for what I said. (I also feel terrible for starting up a sort of thread-within-a-thread, and apologise for that.)
My sense of humanity is that I like to connect with people who feel marginalised, because I feel marginalised. I think there's something beautiful about sharing with someone the essential loneliness and alone-ness that is being human, and few people seem to understand that as well as the homeless. I've never been homeless myself, though I often find myself in situations precarious enough that I fear it.
If I was trying to make any point at all, it's that something that keeps me going, and keeps me from hiding, is the knowledge that there are other people who feel so godawful and alone and like **** -- and I want to know them, and care for them, and share with them, even if it scares the ****ing **** out of me. That is what keeps me from curling into a ball and hiding in my apartment.
I am glad that you've survived your experience on the streets. Thank you for sharing your story, and again, I'm so so so sorry if I caused any offence, at all.