I donít understand why Iím so unlikable all the time - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 10:13 AM Thread Starter
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I donít understand why Iím so unlikable all the time


I donít get why people just start hating me over time. Every job I start is always like this. In school it was the same. I didnít do anything other than exist. Is my existence really that detestable? Part of me wants to give them a reason to hate me since itíll happen no matter what I do or say.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 04:01 PM
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I can relate to this.. ive been job hopping my entire adult life and every job is the same. People end up not liking me or acting weird around me as if Iím hard to get along with or talk to. Itís who I am though. Donít change yourself for anyone because in the end youíll only have yourself. Everyone dies alone anyway so..
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 04:37 PM
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What do people do or say to let you know that they don't like you? Or what gives it away?
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 04:58 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by findyourself View Post
I can relate to this.. ive been job hopping my entire adult life and every job is the same. People end up not liking me or acting weird around me as if Iím hard to get along with or talk to. Itís who I am though. Donít change yourself for anyone because in the end youíll only have yourself. Everyone dies alone anyway so..
Yes this is exactly what happens to me

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Originally Posted by Intrasight View Post
What do people do or say to let you know that they don't like you? Or what gives it away?
They give me weird looks whenever I try to interact with them and act like I have a disease. Lol with corona I guess it makes sense now, but this is before all that happened and I was working in person. Now through video calls, sometimes what I say or ask will be ignored, but I posted this thread a little earlier and it got better after lunch and I wasnít as ignored anymore. Though I did embarrass myself because I was put on the spot and I was clueless because I wasnít paying attention. I almost had a mental breakdown and thought what am I going to do with my life if I canít do anything right? But then I put myself together and felt better that a coworker also messed up and I thought, you know what this is normal and Iím going to get through this.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 05:09 PM
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I feel the same. Feeling like people single me out and whole me in a different interactive standards than everyone else. Might just be all/mostly in your head of course.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 05:57 PM
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@ThoughtsLeaveMeAlone What makes you think they hate you or that you are unlikable? Maybe you're just getting stuck all in your own head and are over analyzing everything.

I'm pretty weird and so it takes people a while to understand that but once they interact with me for a while and find out I'm very easy going I think they get it and just realize my weirdness is just me being me. Maybe they just haven't warmed up to you yet? Maybe at first they just don't know what to make of you and just need to figure you out a little bit and realize you're a bit different and will accept you. I find being self-deprecating helps with that.

Everybody knows you only live a day but it's brilliant anyway
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-16-2020, 07:14 PM
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Originally Posted by ThoughtsLeaveMeAlone View Post
I donít get why people just start hating me over time. Every job I start is always like this. In school it was the same. I didnít do anything other than exist. Is my existence really that detestable? Part of me wants to give them a reason to hate me since itíll happen no matter what I do or say.
Happens to me as well. I think this happens with a lot of people with SA. You most likely lack confidence in social situations or people can sense you are nervous.

Unfortunately people are "a holes" a lot of the times and will try to dominate you or be abusive towards people that are different or lack confidence.

Its a tough situation to fix. If its a persons looks that is tough to change a lot of times. We are all victims of our genetics to a certain degree. My advice would be to work on projecting confidence and improving your socials skills and that should lead to people treating you better. Hopefully that helps.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-17-2020, 07:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
Happens to me as well. I think this happens with a lot of people with SA. You most likely lack confidence in social situations or people can sense you are nervous.

Unfortunately people are "a holes" a lot of the times and will try to dominate you or be abusive towards people that are different or lack confidence.

I notice this from experiences as well (especially at work right now). People will respond more positively to confident people than those who aren't, even if those confident people are *******s!

"Did you really have a bad day or did you have a bad 10 minutes and dwelled on it the entire day?"
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 04:06 AM
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Story of my life!

With me it's due to being unattractive and lack of self confidence. But my lack of confidence stems from being treated differently when I was younger. I didn't have people instilling confidence in me. I had family excluding me.

I'm always disrespected in every workplace and never really fit me.

I'm just unlikable because of the way I look.

It's really about confidence. I feel like you have to be jerky to be respected. People listen to vocal people. A person can be abrasive and talk about inane things but if they exude confidence, people will listen.

And you do have to teach people how to treat you.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 05:19 AM
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People like small talks and smiles often.

If a person is silent or not smiling that much then many people don't like them.

I just speak with people only if there is something that has to be said, no small talks, jokes.

The main thing is I don't smile because I have an overbite and I feel like I look really bad when I smile and it looks fake as well. So, I don't smile.

People assume me as unfriendly because of this.

I just spend my time in my room.
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 06:33 AM
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They are just insecure and need to see signs that you like them otherwise they think you are unfriendly and start to positively dislike you. Also has happened to me all my life. I hate it when they do that but unfortunately I do the same to others. If they don't affirm me and constantly show pleasure at seeing me, I think they don't like me, and I begin to get defensively bitter towards them.

At my current workplace though, the people are generally nice especially the girl I work most with. She doesn't seem very judgmental. At first, I think she responded badly to my coldness because there was a time she would talk to me as if she didn't like me and never looked my direction. I remember it was after a time that I had had my sensitive feelings hurt by her and tried to avoid her as much as possible. I noticed that her attitude was different, and I didn't like it... being at odds with someone I work with. Distance is one thing but bad feelings are another. I just tried to put my emotions aside and respond to her words and suggestions open-mindedly, not like I was cold and distant. Nothing especially friendly, just open and professional. She responded the same eventually, and, being someone who I don't have any problems with and who generally seemed to respect other people's opinions, I felt comfortable to say some things in the course of business conversations that just sprang to mind, something cute or silly. It only happens sometimes, but it is at my comfort level. And she has responded well and is nice to me. We don't chat like ever. But we are on good terms. It has worked out well.

I think that what you need to do is something to show you have no problem with them at least.
And if they are not like my coworker, but are positively bitter or rude, then that is just unfortunate, and maybe they are not worth it. I d on't know.

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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 09-18-2020, 07:01 AM
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Posting my unnecessary insights. Well, at least they dont harrass you. I know how you feel OP. For example, when I talk in person, ppl are 50/50, but when its a group, then some more "confident" b**tard grabs all the attention, doesnt let you say a word and then everybody hates you cuz "you didnt contribute anything to the task/whatever". I was in the other side of this too, and yeah, when somebody lacks the confidence to say something, its hard to be their advocate and ask them "do you have anything to add?". I can only say this f**k group "dynamics".
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