I don't see any future...
I feel like I've gotten to the point in life where I see nothing ahead. I'm basically working a full time job, I make ok money, but I'm always worried that I'm inadequate for my job and will have to leave at some point, so I'm terrified to spend any money beyond what I have to.
In my late 20s, it's getting to where I'm to old to live at home.
But I'm really at the point in my life where there's nothing else to do but move out on my own. I really see no point to life from here on. I have never been in a relationship, and don't really see why anyone would want me. At this point I don't ever expect to have kids - I don't see how I can deal with work and having to provide for a family, I think I would go into a mental breakdown at the thought. I guess you never really realize all that those that provide for you go through - what a sacrifice they make until you have to provide too.
And sure having things is fun, but I see most of it is just vanity. People having nice clean big houses, nice cars and trucks in the garage, etc, it's all just a cover for what's lacking in their life. And they will work a job they hate, with people they don't want to deal with to pay for all this stuff - and sadly even for the basic necessities in life too.
I just don't know if it's all worth it, trying to buy all this stuff to fit in or look like you've made it and got it all together. I know I don't, and even if I could afford or owned a nice truck, big new house, etc and was the biggest dude at the gym, I'd still know it was all just a cover.
But I just don't know what the purpose for my life is at this point, and I don't see how it will be. I know the world isn't going to get any better. And I'm not going to ever relive the times I had when things were better, when my parents were happier and easier to live with, and I was more naive about how the world works. When I had friends to hang out with, etc, and I could just be, and enjoy life.
I thought things would get better when I graduated and got a job. Go to college and then you can afford the things you want. Well, maybe, but what about when you're terrified of work and you're afraid to spend money on stuff you want?
My mom seems to be basically at the point where life to her is just a mundane existence where she does the same stuff over and over. Cook clean, cut coupons, buy groceries, do laundry - it's all I ever do she says. And if I try to help it disgusts her because it's too little in comparison to all she does. But - does she realize that I do work on average of 45 hours a week, and have my own things to attend to?