I don't meet extrovert standards, so I should work my life away in order to work . .. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-12-2009, 12:37 PM Thread Starter
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-12-2009, 06:53 PM
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"Should"? There are no shoulds. Do what you want, life is short. Although I have SA, I couldn't care less what people think of my career choices. I'm the one who has to live with them. You're giving too much authority to this nebulous "other" to dictate what is a worthy way of living and what is not. Convention for convention's sake is for suckers.

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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 12:28 AM
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But, this is probably too much to ask for. I'll probably have to work 30 years of my life away to buy stupid sh-t, and then, finally, after I get old and impotent, I can enjoy time to myself to enjoy my thoughts as they get less and less clear due to my brain degrading. I can talk about writing some great novel that I always wanted to write (but can't because my mind was in its prime when I was working my life away), reminisce about the good old days when I was young (what my aunts and uncles do), be lonely because of the divorce or get into some souless relationship with some younger chick I can't relate to, just so I can pop some viagra and enjoy some superficial sex.
Why? I mean, why would you think that's too much to ask? It's actually not much to ask at all.

You're in control of your future. Unless I missed some kind of extreme cultural or familial pressures that you're under, I don't see why you would have a problem deciding how you want to live your life.

Just because someone thinks you should do things a certain way doesn't mean you have to adhere to that. Plenty of people live life on their own terms and don't have to slave away at two jobs just so that they are acceptable to everyone else. (Who says everyone thinks that's acceptable any way? Just because one person said it to you?)

Also, having a family does not necessarily equate to having a horrible, life-sucking experience. But of course, if you're not interested in having kids, you don't need to have them. There are plenty of women who also aren't interested in having children.

I can understand feeling depressed about how things could potentially turn out in life. But why would you go to such extremes, thinking everything is going to be so meaningless and superficial?

Sometimes I wish I were someone else, but then why not just try to be the person I want to be?

Crazy girl
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 04:52 AM
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This is something that bothers me, isolation is something people don't understand. My parents, bless them, think that my problems would be solved by passing another exam or getting a nice secure job. To me that isn't a solution, for a start I'm not as optimistic as you. I don't even see the annoying kids and family. My future is working a job that bores me, for an empty flat and a good internet connection. It is far my impotant to my happiness to get a girlfriend, and have some fun. No middle mangement job is going to help me get that.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 05:28 AM
 
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Yeah, I think this is something that hinders my motivation to get a job - I like my free time all too much! The only reason I'd work at two jobs (which I wouldn't) is merely to save up and retire early. Toys are nice, but I don't know if they are worth all the extra work to me.

A relative keeps prodding me to get a job, but from comments she makes, it seems as though she just wants me to work so I will give her money. I feel like an object.

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A vision of a future I'd enjoy is the following. Work a high paying job that earns me enough money that I only need to work part time, find a significant other who doesn't need kids, and thus enjoy longer vacations and more alone time (and not just after I retire). I could go out and enjoy hobbies more.
But your idea of a good future sounds like mine. But considering the finding of a good, suitable job and partner is based on outside forces, what are the chances this will happen? The more realistic scenario is that I'll end up in a low-middle paying job that just keeps me housed and clothed and living a boring life like I do now.

Although I do have some savings that I saved up when I worked a year ago and lived as miserly as I do now.. I still live at home so I save on housing costs. One 'plus' of being as introverted and friendless like me is there are less costs for keeping up appearances but that dents my confidence.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 07:56 AM
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Don't let anyone else tell you how to live your life. Do what feels intrinsically right to you or you'll be living a life based on fear of what others think.
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 11:02 AM
 
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THis is a GREAT POST. THe OP is a pretty smart dude. He sees through the matrix.

WORK SO U CAN BUY, THEN DIE paradigm that benefits businesses and goverments and ****ty wives but NOT the jackass doing all the working!!!

WHile you're working all those hours to pay for the big house, your wife will be screwing every dead beat low life and ghetto person in town. You'll be stuck raising some other guy's kids that she tells you are yours. Then when she leaves your butt you'll be stuck with nothing but a bill for the next 20 years.

Go on Vacations. Enjoy Hobbies. Have a lot of sex. Actually Enjoy Life. Screw the matrix. Screw being miserable to please others. You are not a servant to other peoples needs. You don't need to buy buy buy to be happy. The only time money matters much is havign enough to eat and stay safe and to have a car to chase women with and maybe a vacation to somwhere exotic and with cheap hookers lol
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 01:10 PM
 
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Is a big house even important? The only reason most guys care about that is to please some chick (and banks have every reason to want this situation to remain so you'll be house poor, they win you lose).

What if you could get the same hot chick and live in a smaller but nice house and afford to go on sweet vacations? What if you weren't so far in debt that you could tell your boss to stick it if you wanted to? What if you were in a situation where u know u couldnt quit no matter how bad u hated going to work there?

These are the questions big business and governments don't want us asking. Might affect their ability to control our lives and exploit us. You go to look out for #1 cuz that's sure as ___ what everyone else is gonna be doing. I'm not gonna be stuck with child support and alimony bills slaving away at some dead end job with a racist slave driver for a boss so that some chic can kick her feet up at home and keep an eye on the tv and probably shag the jerk Im working for or spend my $$$ on some deadbeat without a job. No sir. From here on out its my way or the highway, it's put out or get out.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 05:34 PM
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Enjoy life man. I quit grad school because I wanted to get in shape & I just felt like I was doing what other people wanted me to do. I have a peon job where I work from 8 to fiveish and I can do what I want after work now. My job pays for an empty apartment and the internet. Lots of people now don't have screaming kiddies by choice so its not something you have to do or should ever feel like you have to. You are right, sacrificing your health isn't worth it to keep up with the Joneses. Not always worth it to be a workaholic unless you're passionate about what you do.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 05:55 PM
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I go to such extremes because that's what I'm witnessing happening to just about everyone around me. I'm afraid of being consumed by the American dream, and I'm afraid of being trapped in a situation where I'm stuck working my life away to support others. I'm afraid that any kind of vitality I have will be sold off to whoever will give me the money to pay the bills. And I'm afraid of having my time taken away from me by everybody.

I'm also afraid of breaking down and accepting some foundational "why" to the way I look at things, never again to question why I've chosen that "why." I'm afraid of being stuck in existential limbo as I toil my life away to buy a lot of stupid sh-t that will ultimately make me feel dead inside, only to wish later on on my death bed that I had killed myself long ago.

I go to such extremes mostly because I'm afraid of losing control of where my life is heading. I don't want to get lost in the everyday humdrum, and consequently having little to no time to continually analyze myself, the meaning of life, and enjoying different things.
I actually completely understand this point of view. I'm currently a freelance writer, which is what I love to do. But since I'm also currently pretty much just barely scraping by, the threat of having to get some mind-numbing job is ever-present. Basically, I'd be scared of being in a situation where I'm constantly just making enough money to pay the rent, though, rather than a situation where I'm always buying extreme amounts of stuff. I've just never had the urge to be materialistic. And I think it's also due to the people that I've surrounded myself with. Some might look at them as slightly 'hippy-ish' in the fact that materialism really comes second to living 'well.' (Or, how we deem well.)

Anyway, the fact that you are so aware of the potential to be caught up in the trappings of materialism, means that likely you will not be caught. Even if you were to find yourself in a job you hate, there are options.

I think it's interesting that you view having a family as something of a burden. Again, I've had these feelings before in the past as well. Likely, because of the way I've seen others act and talk about all they've had to sacrifice in order to have kids. But now, I see alot of really happy, really successful (on their own terms), and really vivacious people with families, so I'm thinking someday that might not be so bad. Don't get me wrong; It does not matters if you want a family or not. But I just think it's interesting that you have such an extreme view in that respect.

On a positive note, I really like the following turn of phrase: "I'm afraid that any kind of vitality I have will be sold off to whoever will give me the money to pay the bills." Nicely written.

Sometimes I wish I were someone else, but then why not just try to be the person I want to be?

Crazy girl
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 07:10 PM
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This is something that bothers me, isolation is something people don't understand. My parents, bless them, think that my problems would be solved by passing another exam or getting a nice secure job. To me that isn't a solution, for a start I'm not as optimistic as you. I don't even see the annoying kids and family. My future is working a job that bores me, for an empty flat and a good internet connection. It is far my impotant to my happiness to get a girlfriend, and have some fun. No middle mangement job is going to help me get that.
exactly.

All the fame in the world, without a woman by your side... is pointless.

Then again, for a woman to suddely want me because i am famous .. would be sad as well.

If such is the case, I would rather die alone and give my money to charity.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 07:20 PM
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exactly.

All the fame in the world, without a woman by your side... is pointless.

Then again, for a woman to suddely want me because i am famous .. would be sad as well.

If such is the case, I would rather die alone and give my money to charity.
This is why I hope I never win the lottery or get rich before I'm married (if I get married).
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 10-13-2009, 09:21 PM
 
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IME girls and travel are the only things that brought joy to my life. For years people kept telling me the absense of those things wasnt my problem. Yea they were full of it LOL You know you better than anyone else does. Your parents are speaking from a different perspective and need to do more listening and less talking

It's true that peeps gotta leanr to be happy with themselves but core components of life being totaly absent makes true happiness impossible. Failing to recognize that means one cannot really be supportive or give good advice
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 07-14-2014, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Cerberus View Post
I go to such extremes because that's what I'm witnessing happening to just about everyone around me. I'm afraid of being consumed by the American dream, and I'm afraid of being trapped in a situation where I'm stuck working my life away to support others. I'm afraid that any kind of vitality I have will be sold off to whoever will give me the money to pay the bills. And I'm afraid of having my time taken away from me by everybody.

I'm also afraid of breaking down and accepting some foundational "why" to the way I look at things, never again to question why I've chosen that "why." I'm afraid of being stuck in existential limbo as I toil my life away to buy a lot of stupid sh-t that will ultimately make me feel dead inside, only to wish later on on my death bed that I had killed myself long ago.

I go to such extremes mostly because I'm afraid of losing control of where my life is heading. I don't want to get lost in the everyday humdrum, and consequently having little to no time to continually analyze myself, the meaning of life, and enjoying different things.
I completely relate to everything people are saying here. It is a major component of my anxiety - that I do not, cannot and deep down don't wish to fit into the rat race. But then I still get offended when colleagues label me weird - hell, I should take it as a sign I am not brainwashed, but the truth is I want to be brainwashed as I think blissful ignorance would make life much easier
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