I continue to let people disrespect me - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by OCDguy1 View Post
Either way beating yourself up over not reacting is probably not helping, just adding to your anxiety/stresses etc...
You have ocd? Don't you understand what it's like to have repetitive distressing thoughts?

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Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
. anger comes from expectations not being met generally?.
YEP.

I think it's a combination of things. My own personality, anger at her for crapping all over boundaries and anger at myself for being a doormat. If you dont relate, then I agree with your assessment that you're abnormal.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #22 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 02:54 PM
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The problem with anger is it clouds our judgement. What might help is thinking why she behaves in the manner she does. When we have a better understanding of someone, it's easier to come up with solutions. It also helps to quell the anger.

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #23 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 05:25 PM
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But this woman has acted crazy to me, way out of line. And now she wants to act all normal like she hasn't repeatedly treated me poorly.

Like I said before, the people who I've had problems with and confronted always denied or acted aloof whenever I confronted the person, but I knew fairly well what they were up to and stood my ground and my confrontation. It took awhile for me to realize this as people would make it seem like I'm the crazy one but I now know that people will play dumb regardless and even if they really are aloof to the situation, it doesn't matter, if your issue is valid or is definitely valid in your viewpoint, continue to stand your ground and confront the person about it and decide later whether you are in the right or wrong because if you feel you are in the right, go ahead and speak your "truth". You say that this lady is acting crazy and out of line, then she is if you truly believe it, based on your experience.

If you go to my personal blog on this website, I recently wrote about a past situation I had with a manager dealing with physical harassment. To sum it up, I confronted the guy in private and the guy completely denied every single accusation I spoke of but I knew he was lying through his teeth but continued to make me seem like I was crazy and I was making stuff up but I stood my ground and remained tact with my accusations against him and continued to call him through his BS. The guy now treats me overly nice and does not dare to touch me once but basically, I stood my ground during the confrontation no matter how much he denied it because I knew the truth of the situation.

Still thinking of one.
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post #24 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-18-2021, 05:42 PM
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Originally Posted by letitrock View Post
You have ocd? Don't you understand what it's like to have repetitive distressing thoughts?
YEP.
I think it's a combination of things. My own personality, anger at her for crapping all over boundaries and anger at myself for being a doormat. If you dont relate, then I agree with your assessment that you're abnormal.

I can relate to this as well. Before, when I would just let people walk over me and disrespect me and I did nothing, the moment would stay in my mind for a day, even days or weeks, and sometimes it would replay in my head and think of ways of how I should have responded. I would be angry at myself for not standing up for myself and would not be able to concentrate doing anything else. I decided I had enough and started to confront people about issues I had with them whether it was about disrespect or even weird stuff like physical harassment but I learned it was better to do something about it and go through something uncomfortable rather than let it eat you up inside.

Another thing I have learned is that it is never too late to confront someone about anything. If someone disrespects you, and say you just don't know how to respond at the moment, it's ok. You can confront the person the next day, heck even a week if you have to. I remember when I wasn't as comfortable about confronting people and speaking up for myself, for example, I confronted a coworker about something that happened about a week or even two weeks ago and they acted like just because it happened a long time ago that my issues with them weren't valid but I didn't care, I had to resolve the issue. Now, I've gotten much better at standing up for myself or letting people know if I have an issue with them but if at most I don't say something that day, I'm definitely saying something the next day but it's very rare since I'm quick to let people know almost immediately now.

This is why I say to you, this is something you have to figure out. Learning how to stand up for yourself. I don't know how exactly but not taking action is much worse for your health since it obviously weighs heavy on your mind and affects you mentally.

Still thinking of one.
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post #25 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-23-2021, 02:14 AM
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You do teach people how to treat you.

It's hard to stand up to people when you have low self-esteem and worry about confrontation.

I'm learning to stand up for myself.
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post #26 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-24-2021, 05:19 AM
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There's nothing wrong with anger, it's what a person does with it and how they express it. If it's bothering you so much find a constructive way to express it. Even if you have to write out what you really want to say to her on a piece a paper or just simply stop doing what she tells you to do if it's not your job and she's not your boss. Still a little confused on the the actual circumstances.
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post #27 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-27-2021, 12:11 PM
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There is no one answer. Standing up to everyone who sleights you in minor or major ways is not the answer, because it takes energy. Not standing up to anyone is also not the answer. Ignoring someone and not reacting is sometimes just as powerful as reacting, because your enemies or bullies don't know how to process that. Being sarcasticly friendly to your enemies can work too. I am old enough that I just don't have the energy to stand up to people much anymore. I have confronted people loudly and directly, played mind games with people, and there really is no one solution. Directly confronting people is also too predictable in a way. If you want to psychologically destroy someone, a predictable response "Stop doing this" etc. is just an obvious route that your enemies can be completely ready for. If you invade their space, stare them down, or a million other mind games you can play under the surface, that can be more damaging than the obvious "I AM CONFRONTING YOU NOW. YOU CAN NOT DO THIS! I SAW YOU DO THAT AND CAUGHT YOU AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT" There is no one answer. If you can not respond and appear not effected by someone, that alone could be more damaging than confronting them directly. If you call out every idiot who wrongs you, you will be wasting tons of energy, there are not enough hours in a day. If someone is going completely out of their way to mess with you, or destroy you repeatedly, I guess at that point you can use more extreme measures. I personally, even if someone has it in for me, would continue to play mind games, and mess with them in a subtle way. If you win some of these small battles, you can see it in your enemies eyes that you have won, and you don't need an army behind you, just creative ways to mess with them, to psychologically destroy them
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post #28 of 29 (permalink) Old 03-02-2021, 03:16 PM
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Is that a co-worker you're describing?

Never had a career, never had an income, never had a girlfriend, regardless of how many times I tried. The people have the same mentality, perception and belief about me since I was a child. The people behavior and communication induces my social anxiety and depression.

The A.I Computers/NSA engineers use a computational intelligence system to design a mentality by translating key information/cryptographic keys into thoughts, logic, and emotions that are fake to manage humanity 24/7.
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post #29 of 29 (permalink) Old 03-02-2021, 03:43 PM
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I’ve had this happen and deal with it by mostly ignoring the person or pretend I can’t hear them. They would eventually go away if I show enough apathy.
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