I continue to let people disrespect me - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 08:20 AM Thread Starter
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I continue to let people disrespect me


This [staff edit] has disrespected multiple times and never admitted wrong.

She goes from zero to 60 over nothing. I've rehearsed that if she tries to interact normally with me, that I would say" I'm not playing with you." Just to prevent any potential pettynes.

The other day she asks me for a marker. I hesitate for a nanosecond and then wordlessly lift the hand with the marker in it for her. Like an obedient dog.

The other day she asks me a question. In a nanosecond, my brain flashes to say "It's not your order" so as to dismiss her but instead I settle for "I'm not sure " and start clicking my device to find her answer... wtf is wrong with me.

[Staff Edit]

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."

Last edited by WillYouStopDave; 02-13-2021 at 11:49 AM. Reason: Keeping the peace
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post #2 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 10:00 AM
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[Staff Edit]

Being bullied and abused at a young age makes you feel this way. You think as long as your submissive to other people, then they won't get mad at you. The average person doesn't care about whatever traumas you might hy have been through, they see this subservient behavior and assume that is just what ur good for.

Last edited by WillYouStopDave; 02-13-2021 at 11:48 AM. Reason: Keeping the peace
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post #3 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 09:37 PM
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You need to learn to stand up for youself and speak up and also learn how to stop yourself when people tell you to do things and you dont want to or not required to do.

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post #4 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-13-2021, 11:50 PM
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Thread lock warning - Initially, I edited some potentially offensive language out of the first two posts (because the topic itself is fine and I just didn't want the thread going off in a bad direction that would eventually cause it to be locked or removed). I later had to remove off-topic posts complaining about the decision to edit in the first place.

Please stay on-topic and do not complain about moderators in public forum threads.

/WYSD
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post #5 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 05:58 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Hussle View Post
You need to learn to stand up for youself and speak up and also learn how to stop yourself when people tell you to do things and you dont want to or not required to do.

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How??? I have social anxiety.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #6 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 06:50 AM
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Originally Posted by letitrock View Post
This [staff edit] has disrespected multiple times and never admitted wrong.

She goes from zero to 60 over nothing. I've rehearsed that if she tries to interact normally with me, that I would say" I'm not playing with you." Just to prevent any potential pettynes.

The other day she asks me for a marker. I hesitate for a nanosecond and then wordlessly lift the hand with the marker in it for her. Like an obedient dog.

The other day she asks me a question. In a nanosecond, my brain flashes to say "It's not your order" so as to dismiss her but instead I settle for "I'm not sure " and start clicking my device to find her answer... wtf is wrong with me.

[Staff Edit]

Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are struggling... You mentinoed a few things in this post, but I (not that I'm a Professional or anything) wonder could a underlying issue here be your true feelings towards this person? I get the impression you have a lot to get off your chest, talking generally helps

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #7 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 04:11 PM Thread Starter
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@OCDguy1 i don't understand. Underlying feelings as in?? Do you think I'm overreacting? I can provide more context which I didn't do in the first place cause i thought nobody would read it.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #8 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 05:27 PM
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Sorry, what I meant was are you getting a little tired of being asked things?

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #9 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-14-2021, 11:00 PM
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Originally Posted by letitrock View Post
How??? I have social anxiety.
Having social anxiety isn't an excuse to let people walk over you. Having social anxiety is one thing. Letting people walk over you and bully you is another. Its something you have to learn how to do. Standing up for myself is something I've had to learn to do as well. You say how? I say this is something you need to figure out and practice.

Standing up for yourself is like learning how to ride a bike. At first you will feel uncomfortable because your not use to it. Your use to pleasing people and letting them walk over you so when you start doing things differently, your mind and body feels off ans it feels wrong and you also might feel shakiness but this is because its all new and you need to learn to practice these skills because people are a holes.

I'm not sure exactly what you wrote in your original post but I can relate to the part about the disrespectful person not admitting any wrong doing. Let me tell you something. Almost every confrontation Ive had where I confronted the person about the issue I had with them whether it was about disrespect or negative issue, 90% of the time the person has denied or refuses to admit any wrongdoing or disrespect even when I tell them detail for detail but I saw the lies in their eyes and continue to confront them cause I know what they did and playing dumb has never worked against me but this is what bullies and a holes will always do when they cower in fear once you call them out on their behavior.

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post #10 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-15-2021, 01:25 AM
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Originally Posted by RelinquishedHell View Post
Being bullied and abused at a young age makes you feel this way. You think as long as your submissive to other people, then they won't get mad at you. The average person doesn't care about whatever traumas you might hy have been through, they see this subservient behavior and assume that is just what ur good for.
That's very insightful.

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Originally Posted by Hussle View Post
Standing up for yourself is like learning how to ride a bike. At first you will feel uncomfortable because your not use to it. Your use to pleasing people and letting them walk over you so when you start doing things differently, your mind and body feels off ans it feels wrong and you also might feel shakiness but this is because its all new and you need to learn to practice these skills because people are a holes.
Good advice.
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post #11 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-15-2021, 03:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Hussle View Post
Having social anxiety isn't an excuse to let people walk over you. Having social anxiety is one thing. Letting people walk over you and bully you is another. Its something you have to learn how to do. Standing up for myself is something I've had to learn to do as well. You say how? I say this is something you need to figure out and practice.

Standing up for yourself is like learning how to ride a bike. At first you will feel uncomfortable because your not use to it. Your use to pleasing people and letting them walk over you so when you start doing things differently, your mind and body feels off ans it feels wrong and you also might feel shakiness but this is because its all new and you need to learn to practice these skills because people are a holes.

I'm not sure exactly what you wrote in your original post but I can relate to the part about the disrespectful person not admitting any wrong doing. Let me tell you something. Almost every confrontation Ive had where I confronted the person about the issue I had with them whether it was about disrespect or negative issue, 90% of the time the person has denied or refuses to admit any wrongdoing or disrespect even when I tell them detail for detail but I saw the lies in their eyes and continue to confront them cause I know what they did and playing dumb has never worked against me but this is what bullies and a holes will always do when they cower in fear once you call them out on their behavior.

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Denial doesn't surprise me. To admit their behaviour was wrong is to leave themselves wide open for all manner of criticisms. Plus it means they will see themselves in a negative light. It also challenges their mind-set of why they acted that way in the first place...

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #12 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-15-2021, 04:40 AM
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I haven't read everything but sometimes it's better just to let things go - or as my wife would say, keep your dignity. (this doesn't take into account how she loses her temper sometimes though mind you - but it's probably best we don't go into that.)

Don't take this the wrong way - but if your anything like me some of these instances of disrespect might be a little bit more exaggerated in our own eyes than what they actually are in reality. No offence but the example you gave in your opening post is just such a situation.

I'm not saying you should let people walk all over you - that's not something I like doing at all, but often it's just not worth it.

Perspective is everything.
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post #13 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-15-2021, 03:57 PM Thread Starter
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No? I have an assertiveness issue, sure. But this woman has acted crazy to me, way out of line. And now she wants to act all normal like she hasn't repeatedly treated me poorly. That's where I feel like I'm betraying myself. And again, it's very concerning that I'm behaving almost involuntarily submissive to her.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #14 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-15-2021, 04:30 PM
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No? I have an assertiveness issue, sure. But this woman has acted crazy to me, way out of line. And now she wants to act all normal like she hasn't repeatedly treated me poorly. That's where I feel like I'm betraying myself. And again, it's very concerning that I'm behaving almost involuntarily submissive to her.
Maybe you can just make it clear you're not playing her silly games. Be firm with her and then ignore her. Not sure if you work together or not as that would make it tricky but maybe speak to your supervisor if she doesn't stop.

I know it's easy to say these things though. I have trouble with it too. But with me I try very hard to avoid conflict - if anything I tend to over-react in situations like that so I'd rather just try to stay calm. A lot of situations really aren't worth it.
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post #15 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 01:20 PM Thread Starter
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Don't take this the wrong way - but if your anything like me some of these instances of disrespect might be a little bit more exaggerated in our own eyes than what they actually are in reality. No offence but the example you gave in your opening post is such.
No offense taken. I prefer honesty.

Like I said, I left out examples of times where she mistreated me. I didn't want a tl;dr reception.
It am guilty of underreacting not overreacting.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #16 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 01:24 PM Thread Starter
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sometimes it's better just to let things go - or as my wife would say, keep your dignity.
Yes... the one good thing that comes from my meekness is that she doesn't understand how much I dislike her.. she doesn't understand she's living rent free in my head. Helps my pride.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #17 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 03:32 PM
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Yes... the one good thing that comes from my meekness is that she doesn't understand how much I dislike her.. she doesn't understand she's living rent free in my head. Helps my pride.

May I ask who this lady is to you? Is she a colleague, is she someone you live with, or something else? Either way beating yourself up over not reacting is probably not helping, just adding to your anxiety/stresses etc...

These are just my thoughts/opinions, I am not a Doctor/Health Professional etc. so please draw your own conclusions.
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post #18 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 04:00 PM
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disrespect is such a US thing. you expect respect so when you don't get it it must involve anger? i don't really have that expectation, when someone is an ******* to me i think yeah another *******. but i have a lot of difficulty with avoiding 99% of all humans because i think they're *******s, and its a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy if i avoid them and don't talk to them then they will treat me badly. oh well.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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post #19 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 04:12 PM Thread Starter
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i have a lot of difficulty with avoiding 99% of all humans because i think they're *******s, and its a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy if i avoid them and don't talk to them then they will treat me badly. oh well.
I can relate.

But i dont understand the paragraph b4. Youre saying i shouldnt be angry because i got disrespected? Explain please.

"Family! Our families determine who we are, determine what we’re not, all of our relationships with everybody we ever meet for the rest of our lives is based on the way we relate to the members of our family, no wonder the world’s so ****ed up!

People move the way that they move cuz they’re still working out some **** with their fathers! They’re still pissed at their mothers for not potty training them properly, **** like that, People want to get back @ their parents for making them be born."
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post #20 of 29 (permalink) Old 02-16-2021, 04:28 PM
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I can relate.

But i dont understand the paragraph b4. Youre saying i shouldnt be angry because i got disrespected? Explain please.

i don't really understand anger in general so i'm probably not the best person to talk about it. i don't really get angry very often/ever and its generally seen as not useful to be angry. anger comes from expectations not being met generally? "why didn't you..." etc etc. isn't it better to accept what happens to you? but yeah, i abnormally suppress emotions unless i am very close to someone. so idk.

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples. ― Mother Teresa
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