I can't talk to girls - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 07:46 PM Thread Starter
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I can't talk to girls


Let me start off by saying that I don't think that I am exceptionally ugly or anything at. I don't think I'm incredibly good looking by any means, but I'm not the ugliest guy on the bock (at least I'd like to think I'm not ). I work out 3 or 4 times per week, I shower at least daily, and get good grades. What I'm trying to say is that this is not going to be one of those "no one wants me because I'm ugly" threads (no disrespect to those threads though haha).

Now that thats out of the way, let me get back to the topic of my post. I cannot talk to girls. Especially if I find them attractive. I can't really put my finger on why I haven't found a way to overcome this fear either. Let me give you an example: I'll walk into class and see a girl that I find attractive. Instantly, I start to rationalize a reason to not say something or come in contact with her in any way. I think something like "there's no way I'm good enough for her", "there's no way she would want to talk to me", or "there's no point in saying anything because I have nothing of worth to contribute". I hate when I do it and its very frustrating but I don't know how to stop doing it. i just get caught up in the moment. Now, I am quite shy naturally which obviously woks against me and growing up, especially in high school, I have had self-esteem issue (which I've tried to fix to no avail).

Lately, With almost all of my friends being in relationships, my lack of a relationship has been getting to me. It's immensely frustrating. And it's not just the not having a relationship thing that gets me down, it rationalizing a reason not to do something social that I know I should do because I always feel like people look down on me or that i give off some kind of anti-pheromone to girls that makes them uninterested in me.

At this point I'm just rambling, so I'll wrap it up. All in all, I feel like my shyness and fear of rejection has made me miss out on what are supposed to be the best years of my life (those years being high school and college). It's just so frustrating to be the only on of my friends who have a hard time meeting people and making friends, the only one who has never had a girlfriend, been kissed, and is still a virgin. Just kinda sucks.

btw, I just remembered, I have been kissed before. BUT, the only reason she kissed me was because her friend said said she would give her a dollar so i don't really want to count that haha. And yes you read that correctly, I got pimped out for a dollar.

All in all, I would be cool if anyone had any tips on how to calm myself down and be able to at least approach girls. any tips are appreciated.
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post #2 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 07:55 PM
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i could have written that post myself. i'm the exact same way. i have had people tell me that i'm good looking or attractive yet i still rarely talk to girls for the same reason. i'm just missing out on so many could-be's and opportunities. the only thing you can do is talk to them. you will be anxious/nervous at first and it may be awkward but if your consistent and keep doing it it will become easier and easier until soon enough you're comfortable talking to any girl no matter how attractive. sorry but there's no trick or tip or drug to give a quick fix..it's not easy to overcome but nothing in life is....but it definitely can be done. Just remember after every girl you talk to you will get less anxious each time. good luck
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post #3 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 07:58 PM
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Play video games. I can't talk to girls either, some give me evil looks, some mock me.

The only problem is video games kinda suck nowadays.
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post #4 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 08:04 PM Thread Starter
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@Riley3400 your absolutely right, The only way to get used to it is to just do it. It just freaks me out. I instantly start to tell myself that I'm not good enough every time I see a girl I'm attracted to. Ive gotta find a way to stop myself from doing that.

@xrueses I lol'ed . But, joking aside I do play a lot of video games to pass my lonely time.
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post #5 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 08:04 PM
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College helped me talk to girls. My problem is that I have no clue how to start conversations with girls.

Walking up to a stranger and chatting is much harder than it sounds, at least for me.

"It's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care"
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post #6 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 08:08 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Madax View Post
College helped me talk to girls. My problem is that I have no clue how to start conversations with girls.

Walking up to a stranger and chatting is much harder than it sounds, at least for me.
I hear you man. Thats extremely difficult for me as well. even if I didn't rationalize a reason to not talk to a girl, I wouldn't have the slightest cluse what to say if I walked up to her.
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post #7 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 08:08 PM
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@Riley3400 your absolutely right, The only way to get used to it is to just do it. It just freaks me out. I instantly start to tell myself that I'm not good enough every time I see a girl I'm attracted to. Ive gotta find a way to stop myself from doing that.

@xrueses I lol'ed . But, joking aside I do play a lot of video games to pass my lonely time.
Yeah I'm in a much worse position than you, m8. Girls are completely out of my radar, even just to talk to. Everything's about dating & sex even when it's not supposed to be about that (if you get what I mean).

So I play video games.
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post #8 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 08:10 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah I'm in a much worse position than you, m8. Girls are completely out of my radar, even just to talk to. Everything's about dating & sex even when it's not supposed to be about that (if you get what I mean).

So I play video games.
I totally understand where your coming from, It always feels like you trying to impress someone on a level that might lead to sex.
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post #9 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 08:21 PM
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I totally understand where your coming from, It always feels like you trying to impress someone on a level that might lead to sex.
Yeah that's probably what it is.

Video gaming use to be an escape for me but they're catering for too many casuals nowadays.

So I suck at gaming now too.

Always have something to look forward to. I'm waiting for two games for my Wii U

Also just splash some cash, I've been on ebay a lot
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post #10 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 10:07 PM
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I'm sort similar to you. The world part is overhearing all the 12 year olds talking about they hooked up and **** already. Sucks to know a 12 year old has more experience than you
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post #11 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 10:10 PM
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I find it difficult to talk to the opposite sex, too...There's someone I'm sorta attracted to at work, but I can't go in the break room when they are there...I'm constantly anxious in these types of situations...However, in your case Sooner0715, I bet some girl has noticed you but is too shy herself to say anything...Do you have any personal interests, like art, books, music, etc? You could try using your interests to introduce yourself to people; this way, you break the ice and get others to open up about themselves...If this doesn't work dude, use eye contact...and smile...Girls will approach guys who seem friendly and open so relax...Love will find you when you least expect it
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post #12 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 10:14 PM
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Just do it.
Make small talk with a girl in line somewhere or at a bus stop or where ever you run into each other.
You have to break out of this shell. If you get rejected, so what, move on to the next.
It's not going to happen unless you try.

"Tonight we make love - only with words." - Prince
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post #13 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 10:27 PM
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I've almost never never been able to talk to girls. I don't see how anybody can do it. I guess I've always been too shy.
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post #14 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 10:31 PM
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Just do it.
Make small talk with a girl in line somewhere or at a bus stop or where ever you run into each other.
You have to break out of this shell. If you get rejected, so what, move on to the next.
It's not going to happen unless you try.
So true, really not that hard talking to a girl especially if its only small talk and you won't be seeing each other anymore.

OP Any chance you see a girl see it as an opportunity to practice talking to them even if you aren't trying to hit on her or be friends with her. Soon it will be like second nature talking to them.
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post #15 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 11:09 PM
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Me either
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post #16 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 11:15 PM
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Sure you can. Really we're not so different from the guys.
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post #17 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 11:37 PM
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Sure you can. Really we're not so different from the guys.
I've never done it. I'm such a loser.
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post #18 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-06-2013, 11:40 PM
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I've never done it. I'm such a loser.
No such thing..... really.

Anyone want to message, my profile is open.
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post #19 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-07-2013, 12:02 AM
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i am in the same boat too. Mostly when i talk to girls i get all quiet or dont want to talk, but in my mind i want to keep the conversation going. You can say i am the shy type.

I realised this is because i havent got a female friend or very few since i basically 'grew up and studied' in a all male school right up to now. And they say single-sex education is more rewarding. In the end you get guys like me finding hard to relate to girls.

what i told myself is, if i meet a girl(probably in university since now i m in a male highschool) and wanted to befriend her, i shall think of her(all females) to be not so different from we males at all. They are of course human beings and i m sure some girls find it hard to talk to guys too. Besides, if i talk to her, what can go wrong? Worst case senario: she thinks you are a weirdo but that is HIGHLY unlikely if you get your actions right. Talk in a friendly way or so. Remember once you successfully talked to a girl and she knows you, chances are she and her female friends will be your friend. keep on practising and i know it sounds easy but it is not. It will take some effort but we males will get there some day.
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post #20 of 31 (permalink) Old 01-07-2013, 12:06 AM
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Approach her and say hello. Proceed from there. You have a self-defeatist attitude and that prevents you from even trying.

Do you think sitting alone, trying to pinpoint that reason why you're incapable of approaching girls is a good way to examine the problem? The solution is quite clear. You need to take a risk and stop being afraid of being rejected. Not the greatest advice, I know, but it's the truth. The only way to get over your fear of driving? Getting behind the wheel. You need to face your fear. And trust me, you won't be the first guy to **** up an approach. Laugh about it. It's ****ing life.

Like another member said, women aren't so different from men. They speak the same language and adhere to the same social rules that men do. Approach a woman like you're genuinely interested in meeting her. Don't come across like a sleazeball with a stupid pickup line. Save that for a night club or a frat party. You already have something in common with her just by taking the same class. Ask her some basic questions about her major, where she is from, how she likes it on campus and go from there.
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