I Can't stand High School, not many (if any) friends. - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-13-2015, 03:41 PM Thread Starter
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I Can't stand High School, not many (if any) friends.


So first of all, I'm not sure if I classify as a person with social anxiety. My heart does sort of speed up a bit before I go to any social outing where I'm not sure what to expect. I guess I just feel a ton of pressure before a social setting or in online social settings but not a lot in the actual moment. Make what you will of that, but I am pretty ****ty at socializing in school, and school specifically. That's always been a huge problem for me, and with that I bring you this.

Atm I go to an all boy school, and I am like the opposite of everything there. First of all, I've always been the guy to get along with girls much more than guys. Everywhere else I go like 90% of my friends are girls.

And I don't like sports, mot all boys schools are known for their sports.

And yea. Kind of hard to get along with really anybody there. Teachers are cool, getting through the day isn't terrible. It's just lunch that sucks, and getting by those awkward points for forced interaction. I have a few clubs that I do like, but no reliable friends from there. Any help?

I'm junior now, so the transfer might be too late. Idk, like not having women around really bothers me. I've never been the "bro" type, and it's just....hard.

To add to that, for all you educators out there I'd like advice on this. I have for the most part, always been a C-B student. I'm also smarter and more future oriented than most of my peers. Why do I feel so smart but do so terribly in school?
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post #2 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-13-2015, 04:45 PM
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Do you procrastinate when doing homework/studying? I'm no "educator" but I might have an idea.

"He's dying to get away, let the pain of yesterday go slipping through the cracks
Hiding himself away, watching all the memories fade away from red to black"
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post #3 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-13-2015, 05:07 PM Thread Starter
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Do you procrastinate when doing homework/studying? I'm no "educator" but I might have an idea.

O yea, all the time. I'm a really bad student, terrible practices, habits, etc.

I'm also really erratic with my thinking and if I were to get diagnosed today I'd probably have a minor case of add or something.

Truth is, I'm proud of who I am, who I act, how I think. All I want from school is to get into the college of my dreams. I need to get good grades and I have no clue how to do that.

Aside from grade pressures, I have a **** ton of social pressures that I hate facing. I absolutely hate how intrigued everyone is into everyone's life. Honestly, people just never mind their own ****ing business and that bothers me :/

I just don't know how to deal.
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post #4 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-13-2015, 05:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Ripoll View Post
So first of all, I'm not sure if I classify as a person with social anxiety. My heart does sort of speed up a bit before I go to any social outing where I'm not sure what to expect. I guess I just feel a ton of pressure before a social setting or in online social settings but not a lot in the actual moment. Make what you will of that, but I am pretty ****ty at socializing in school, and school specifically. That's always been a huge problem for me, and with that I bring you this.

Atm I go to an all boy school, and I am like the opposite of everything there. First of all, I've always been the guy to get along with girls much more than guys. Everywhere else I go like 90% of my friends are girls.

And I don't like sports, mot all boys schools are known for their sports.

And yea. Kind of hard to get along with really anybody there. Teachers are cool, getting through the day isn't terrible. It's just lunch that sucks, and getting by those awkward points for forced interaction. I have a few clubs that I do like, but no reliable friends from there. Any help?

I'm junior now, so the transfer might be too late. Idk, like not having women around really bothers me. I've never been the "bro" type, and it's just....hard.

To add to that, for all you educators out there I'd like advice on this. I have for the most part, always been a C-B student. I'm also smarter and more future oriented than most of my peers. Why do I feel so smart but do so terribly in school?
I went to an all guys high school too, got anxious over social situations but not really when I was actually at the social outing. I am now a freshman in college and all I have to say is, I've got one good friend and maybe a few were friends type of friends but they are all guys, I have no female friends. I don't know if it is just me, but I made myself go to some social events like football games my senior year of high school and after a while, I became less anxious at social situations. Spend high school becoming less shy. When you start college, try to see that as a social reset. Like everyone is new, and try to meet as many people as you can. Don't be like me, no new friends in college so far and I sit alone at lunch almost everyday. I've never had a girlfriend, and now I can't stand seeing anyone a couple sitting around talking. I've noticed I socialize with girls more than guys. No new friends though, but I'm hoping I can make some.
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post #5 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-13-2015, 05:34 PM
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Originally Posted by Ripoll View Post
O yea, all the time. I'm a really bad student, terrible practices, habits, etc.

I'm also really erratic with my thinking and if I were to get diagnosed today I'd probably have a minor case of add or something.

Truth is, I'm proud of who I am, who I act, how I think. All I want from school is to get into the college of my dreams. I need to get good grades and I have no clue how to do that.

Aside from grade pressures, I have a **** ton of social pressures that I hate facing. I absolutely hate how intrigued everyone is into everyone's life. Honestly, people just never mind their own ****ing business and that bothers me :/

I just don't know how to deal.
Well I can kind of relate. But back to your grades and work ethic, what happened to me was very irritating. I consider myself to be very smart, not from some sort of superior or smug standpoint, but more of if I put in extra effort, I'd likely be a straight A student.

But as time went on, I began to fear getting noticed, and I had a lot of fear of being confronted, criticized or judged. So with that fear, I began to procrastinate on doing assignments, doing other things that "pleasured" me; reading, games, etc. Then I would feel panic to just get the assignment done at the last minute, and the anxiety would be intense but it would be over quicker. But in doing so, I wasn't putting in my fully effort, thus hindering my overall grades. And I felt bad that I could do better but wasn't, all because I've held onto the notion that if I do well consistently, and eventually slip up, I would face much harsher criticism. Since sixth grade, parent/teacher conferences have terrified me, because I couldn't stand any possibility of judgement, even if I was doing well.

I'm under the pressure of two problems fighting each other; do well and be noticed or don't do well and feel bad for not being my full potential.

So I shared this just to see if you might relate, so you can get an idea of your problems and look for ways to handle it.

Also, I would consider going to get a diagnosis from a doctor, just so you know what you're fighting.

"He's dying to get away, let the pain of yesterday go slipping through the cracks
Hiding himself away, watching all the memories fade away from red to black"
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post #6 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-13-2015, 06:21 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Penguinfan View Post
I went to an all guys high school too, got anxious over social situations but not really when I was actually at the social outing. I am now a freshman in college and all I have to say is, I've got one good friend and maybe a few were friends type of friends but they are all guys, I have no female friends. I don't know if it is just me, but I made myself go to some social events like football games my senior year of high school and after a while, I became less anxious at social situations. Spend high school becoming less shy. When you start college, try to see that as a social reset. Like everyone is new, and try to meet as many people as you can. Don't be like me, no new friends in college so far and I sit alone at lunch almost everyday. I've never had a girlfriend, and now I can't stand seeing anyone a couple sitting around talking. I've noticed I socialize with girls more than guys. No new friends though, but I'm hoping I can make some.
Yea, see my problem is I tend not to be shy in literally any social context but school. Or even then it's literally just this school. I go to special subject programs in the summer, get along with everyone great no social pressures and I enioy their company. Granted, I find it very hard to keep in touch with anyone, but while I'm there I get along just fine. I guess it's the realization that people might stick with me. It terrifies me that **** sticks with you...
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post #7 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-13-2015, 06:26 PM Thread Starter
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Well I can kind of relate. But back to your grades and work ethic, what happened to me was very irritating. I consider myself to be very smart, not from some sort of superior or smug standpoint, but more of if I put in extra effort, I'd likely be a straight A student.

But as time went on, I began to fear getting noticed, and I had a lot of fear of being confronted, criticized or judged. So with that fear, I began to procrastinate on doing assignments, doing other things that "pleasured" me; reading, games, etc. Then I would feel panic to just get the assignment done at the last minute, and the anxiety would be intense but it would be over quicker. But in doing so, I wasn't putting in my fully effort, thus hindering my overall grades. And I felt bad that I could do better but wasn't, all because I've held onto the notion that if I do well consistently, and eventually slip up, I would face much harsher criticism. Since sixth grade, parent/teacher conferences have terrified me, because I couldn't stand any possibility of judgement, even if I was doing well.

I'm under the pressure of two problems fighting each other; do well and be noticed or don't do well and feel bad for not being my full potential.

So I shared this just to see if you might relate, so you can get an idea of your problems and look for ways to handle it.

Also, I would consider going to get a diagnosis from a doctor, just so you know what you're fighting.
O yea, I can sorta relate to the whole judgement thing. Not so much on the explicit reasoning as to why you don't try all the way. I mean, let me give you an example, one time I got an essay back that I was pretty sure I didn't do well on and I literally could not read the criticism. Like I was scared to open the document. This only happens on writing assignments for school mind you. I just don't understand why all this nonsense triggers in school but literally nowhere else...

How did you feel about lunch periods in school btw?

I absolutely hate them, I'd much rather being in a coffee shop with 2 female friends and 1 male friend than sitting at a table of 7 with all of which being male.

I literally don't go to lunch anymore, sort of wish there was an option to eat out.
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post #8 of 8 (permalink) Old 09-13-2015, 07:51 PM
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O yea, I can sorta relate to the whole judgement thing. Not so much on the explicit reasoning as to why you don't try all the way. I mean, let me give you an example, one time I got an essay back that I was pretty sure I didn't do well on and I literally could not read the criticism. Like I was scared to open the document. This only happens on writing assignments for school mind you. I just don't understand why all this nonsense triggers in school but literally nowhere else...

How did you feel about lunch periods in school btw?

I absolutely hate them, I'd much rather being in a coffee shop with 2 female friends and 1 male friend than sitting at a table of 7 with all of which being male.

I literally don't go to lunch anymore, sort of wish there was an option to eat out.
The only reason I seemed sociable among a group of guys was because of 1 friend. But on days he was absent, I was basically alone, sitting or walking around. Hated it. Made me feel bitter towards everyone else.

"He's dying to get away, let the pain of yesterday go slipping through the cracks
Hiding himself away, watching all the memories fade away from red to black"
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