I am an incredibly lazy, unmotivated person. - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 130 (permalink) Old 01-05-2011, 12:01 PM
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I'm a mama and I understand.


My son had the same problem except I forced him to graduate from high school (and I mean FORCED). You're not lazy, I believe that your depressed. Depression is something that I suffer from to this day and when I saw it in my son I jumped on it. I found out that drugs (weed) was a big factor in his depression. He was getting high, then higher, then higher to forget about his problems. (I hope that this isn't your case). If it is your case, get rid of it. It's just another problem on top of your problems.

You have to move around. Sitting in one place will keep you where you are, in one place. In my sons case I forced him to get a job, it helped him and I think it will help you.

If your friends are not motivated you wont be motivated.

No one can actually solve your problem but you, but know....you can solve them. Believe it. Hell, say it out loud.

Stop putting yourself down. If you think that your are ****, you are. And the people around you will treat you as such.
I'm 42 and I have to fight depression every once and a while, but when I was 16-18-20 I was stuck in a rutt. My mom (who usually wasn't any help) decided to send me to my sister who lived in Dallas and man that change is what jump started my life. So when I say I understand, I really do.
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post #22 of 130 (permalink) Old 01-05-2011, 02:30 PM
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To Deepmokabrown
I think what you are saying is so true. I am older than you! I have a family member who is hitting his early 30's.

I think smoking pot is sucking the life out of him. I find all his friends are unmotivated as well and they have the same issues and this is not helping him.

To OP
It's seems not only do we have SA but we have this other monkey on our back called lethargy. I don't know if it is just low dopamine causing the lack of motivation or what it is. If you are just moderately depressed you have to push yourself. Maybe the trick is finding what motivates you or having someone in your life who motivates you.
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post #23 of 130 (permalink) Old 01-05-2011, 07:34 PM
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I don't really have much advice to give, but about the dropping out of high school thing, I was once in your shoes. It took me 4 years to find the courage but after studying day and night I finally got my GED diploma in october 2010. Once you get it a whole new door of options open up. Don't believe all the hype about it though. What got me out of the bad cycle was fear of future consequences. And it's still like that.
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post #24 of 130 (permalink) Old 01-05-2011, 10:11 PM
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I think one of the main reasons of depression comes from diet and lack of exercise. The modern diet has so much processed junk food in it we seem oblivious as to how it effects our mood. It's packed with so many preservatives in it, as soon as I eliminated most of it my mood improved greatly. I was more motivated and could finally get out of bed without having to drag myself out. It's not the magic pill, but its a huge improvement.
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post #25 of 130 (permalink) Old 01-06-2011, 06:46 PM
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hey-o


so i was just googling stuff and i saw this and felt like answering
as it is im 20 years old and am kinda in the same position. i notice lots of people saying their the same but i think i might know abit why we are like this.
but first about me and how im the same
-apparently i have a high iq, can never spell properly though
-no real jobs and no university for me yet
-last 3 years in my room doing not much (however listen to the song flowers on the wall- it describes people like us and is awesome!!! )
-and havent dated in a while even though im at least decent looking and can talk just fine to people
- been a childrens entertainer (make balloons, i dont know why i mention this.... ) since ive been 12 or 11?

and i dont know if you feel like this but my whole family kinda thinks im a bum, or at least i dont feel like they ever give me any credit when i try to do right so it kinda keeps me down (people call you dumb so you become dumb) even though its a bad excuse i think moving out would help with that.
i feel like i could do soo much, i got the ability but maybe i always think if i try i will fail so i never try in the first place, which causes me to feel terrible about myself which makes me feel like not bothering to try in the first place? maybe i would rather pretend im good then ever trying to see how good i am, in case i fail..
bad sleep causes me to be tired so even when i do try sometime i fail (too tired to wake up on time etc.) and that just reinforces the fact that if i try i fail so i kinda stop trying
plus by wathcing too much tv, reading fantasy book, playing games etc. is bad for you cause it shows you a fantasy life that while can be based on real life isnt real and in ways impossible to obtain so it makes you feel life isnt worth much

sry if this is all kinda long and i might have put things down wrong, but heres what recently happend to me...i met a very amazing girl, why is that important?

well it kinda kickstarted me for the first time since highschool. i dont think you should use a boyfriend/girlfriend to motivate you but what it did is kinda breathe life back into me. now i kinda feel like working so i can get a good job and in the future if i am with her or another i can help provide if i have a family, i want to go to school to become what i want to become. i dont know how to say it but i think since highschool i literally just stopped everything and did nothing and once you get like that it just feeds itself to you get stuck in it and next thing you know you cant seem to get motivated or bother to do anything. however i know a few things that really helped as well, working out (i prefer wieghts) at least 2 or 3 times a week will keep you active and fight off the feeling of nothingness (im going to call it that for now )
it helps to get out often and go have fun with friends ( skating, sports ect.)
and remember one of the worst things about this is the mindset, it gets stuck like this, it gets used to doing nothing and it keeps growing until it feels like you want to scream but still you do nothing. i felt a lot of shame and that also hurts cause you dont want to face it. and for people who know people like this it doesnt help if you say they are always lazy or say they are always bums cause if they are trying to change it they need positive comments otherwise in my experience when i got negative i just gave up cause i thought whats the use?

so idk if this helps but it is long i think it also helps if you completely explain your situation to people who are negative so maybe they can help you? well i hope this kinda helps someone
later
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post #26 of 130 (permalink) Old 01-06-2011, 10:34 PM
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Unambitious, I feel for you. I have no advice because I have struggled with motivation the last few years its awlful. I can easily get stuck in the "can't be bothered" mindset despite having goals. Its a daily struggle.

I hope you can overcome it. All the best

Which is worse, ignorance or apathy?
Who knows! Who cares!
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post #27 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 07:44 AM
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SOLUTION !!!!!!! - there are many posting about individual issues around motivation and laziness. Is it because your lazy? no motivation?.... nope.... trust me that aint the reason. If you want to do something you like eg go out and socialise etc, chances are you'll do it 100% or go shopping or play a game with friends etc. Motivation, theres 1,000's of theories, but it basically boils down to whats in it for you, and is the 'pain' worth it?. Now the interesting part!!!!... Did you know that in your brain there are a small group of 'decider cells' they probably only represent less than 0.5% of you actual brain, however these cells influence the rest or the 'doing' part of the brain. These decider cells can be so self destructive, they tell you to get a burger and fries rather than buy raw food and make and cook it yourself. They tell you to sleep an extra 2 hours or do something else rather than what you know you should be doing.... wanna know why?..... because there very closely linked to the 'pleasure' stimuli of the brain. Because of your past behaviour and experiences, this 'decider' cell will dervive that you will recieve NO please in the task in hand, ie no intrinsic reward, so it sends out signals saying dont do it, dont do it. This is a know fact, some people have 'decider' cells which have learnt positive traits, thus will force you to do stuff, work hard etc, however some are real ****s and actually can be self destructive. So what / how do you solve it?.... there is a technique!!!..... find a task that you dislike, something that wont take long to do eg make your bed, say 5 minutes, then do it knowing you will initially dislike it... after you have done it, give yourself lots of personal reward and pat yourself on the back, for doing something you know you would not have done under normal circumstances. fell the satisfaction of doinging something (however small) in a positive way. Now pick another task, something you have to do, but doesnt take long to do either say 7mins or maybe 10 mins. By doing lots of small positives eg 5 x 10mins of tasks you can say that at the end of the day you have done something good. continue doing this over the next few days and you will see a change in behaviour attitude motivation (because you've done it.. and its not so bad). you will find picking up a book not so bad, infact you will aim to read a book for 10 minutes and find that the next time you have checked your clock, 30 mins have gone!!!.
I was once a lazy git, i looked in the mirror, i said enough is enough, and i mad a schedule to do just a few little jobs, over time I now do not suffer from it in fact i consider time to be precious and value every second i have. Since my realisation, i have achieved many qualifications MBA, PhD and get myself involved in lots of activities. Healthy body = healthy mind, also research has shown good 'healthy' food and exercise makes the brain more alert and 'doing stuff' ends up giving pleasure, rather than doing nothing. so.......... start small, dont try and read war and peace or take on a massive challenge, do it bit by bit and get that 'decider' brain cell working for you rather than against you.
Good luck all... off now to play some golf life is good.
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post #28 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 07:53 AM
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You're an artist/philosopher. Unfortunately, there's not a lot of money in it. Live your life the way you want to and stop feeling bad about it. That's what I say.
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post #29 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by unambitious View Post
I am 21 years old.

I dropped out of high school after 11th grade simply because I didn't feel like going. I wanted to graduate, but I didn't want to put any work into it anymore. Before, I had my mother that would push me to go to school every day, so I did. It is here that I find out I am absolutely terrible at doing anything productive on my own terms.

I decided that I would try again just these past few years, so I enrolled in several online high schools. I failed all of them over and over again simply because I didn't feel like doing the work.

Besides this, I am not a stupid person. This is the especially pathetic part. I have a high IQ and can pass most tests given to me without needing to study. When I DO do my work and attend school, I get A's and B's.

I have no job, I have only had a couple in my lifetime - none of which lasted for more than a month before I quit (although to be fair, it was due to SA and not laziness). I don't have my license. I haven't accomplished most things that people my age normally would have by now.

I WANT to graduate from high school. I WANT to go to college and learn more things. I get sick at the thought of being 30 or older and being a poor, uneducated low life still living off of their friends'. I just... don't want it enough I guess?

I see my friends on Facebook and sites like that posting about how college is going, what work they have to do that night, classes of the day, etcetera. Whenever I see it my stomach turns. I wish I could be like them.

I am a terribly lazy and pathetic person, and I don't know how to be anything otherwise.

I am asking this from you, in my most desperate state, that if you have ANY advice for me at all, I will gladly listen. Honestly at this point, the harsher the advice you have, the better. I could use a good coaching. Please. I am in tears at this point. I hate myself for being such a dead weight.
i used to suffer from the exact same problem. and then i found out why i was the way i was. i have avoidant personality disorder. it is obviously very similar to social anxiety but one significant difference is this :

*people with avoidant personality disorder not only suffer from social avoidance like the social phobics do but they also suffer from cognitive avoidance and emotional avoidance. people with avoidant personality disorder hold deep rooted beleifs that they cannot handle feeling bad therefore any time they feel the slightest bit of discomfort or have the slightest negative cognition they will avoid it

in the past whenever i'd feel the tiniest bit of discomfort i'd just distract myself from it, i'd quit. usually i'd watch tv, spend money or eat junk food as a way of distraction. i'd put anything off that required a bit of work on my part. i'd even put off getting out of bed

i discovered that my laziness was 2 fold :

1)a low threshold/tolerance for discomfort (due to the fact i had avoidant personality disorder)

2)fear of failure (i didnt want to try anything incase i failed. by not taking action i was preventing myself from failing)

this is how i beat my problem - i did an nlp ''parts integration''. that fixed my conflict/fear of failure. (you can go to an nlp proactionaire and they will do this for you. i did it myself cos im trained in nlp).
then i increased my tolerance for discomfort by listening every single day to thinkrighnows end procrastination cd(www.thinkrightnow.com) as well as listening to wendi friesens end procrastination cd set (www.wendi.com).(wendi's cd actually has a session called ''stop self sabotage''. this is basically a parts intergration therefore if you use the wendi cd you would not need to go and have a session with an nlp practionaire )

i listen to the above 2 combined prodcuts dailly for a full 12 weeks and now i am a changed man. i would advise you to fix this problem asap otherwise you are gonna end up with many wasted years of life and lots of regrets

if you need any more advice PM me
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post #30 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 08:21 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by deepmokabrown View Post
My son had the same problem except I forced him to graduate from high school (and I mean FORCED). You're not lazy, I believe that your depressed. Depression is something that I suffer from to this day and when I saw it in my son I jumped on it. I found out that drugs (weed) was a big factor in his depression. He was getting high, then higher, then higher to forget about his problems. (I hope that this isn't your case). If it is your case, get rid of it. It's just another problem on top of your problems.

You have to move around. Sitting in one place will keep you where you are, in one place. In my sons case I forced him to get a job, it helped him and I think it will help you.

If your friends are not motivated you wont be motivated.

No one can actually solve your problem but you, but know....you can solve them. Believe it. Hell, say it out loud.

Stop putting yourself down. If you think that your are ****, you are. And the people around you will treat you as such.
I'm 42 and I have to fight depression every once and a while, but when I was 16-18-20 I was stuck in a rutt. My mom (who usually wasn't any help) decided to send me to my sister who lived in Dallas and man that change is what jump started my life. So when I say I understand, I really do.
i wouldnt say he is depressed. i wouldnt say he is lazy either. i'd say he is a procrastinator and there is a reason why he procrastinates. he may not know the reason why but there is an undlying reason and procrastination is a real problem. its an addiction just like any other and it cant simply be snapped out of.
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post #31 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 08:29 AM
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I can somehow associate with your predicament.

I read on a website that people in such condtions are unmotivated because they have low self-esteem, social anxiety etc. even though they claimed they strongly want something.
This group of people are called to have 'no notion'.

Hmm..of course your problem wont be solved overnight. Maybe you could try develop your confidence a little day by day. Of course if you really want to have motivation and stay on track in life, by right you should be committed in trying your best to get rid of your laziness+depression.

I suggest for doing EFT exercises. You can watch them on youtube. It aims to bring down your stress levels.

Hope my advice helps! I'm not that knowledgable but I'll try my best to help you in any way that I can!
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post #32 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 08:30 AM
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Life sucks, dude. You're not alone. In order to be motivated, you have to know what you want. Sometimes you never find it. Like I said, live the way you want to. I don't believe in all this depression stuff. Sometimes people just like be sad or whatever. I say go with it, enjoy it. Sometimes we make ourselves more miserable than we need to be.
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post #33 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 08:46 AM
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You got no choice ,just stop being lazy and work your *** off.
No other choice really!It's up or down,our live is already pretty terrible with SA,without a good job...there's nothing to it!
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post #34 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 09:27 AM
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I guess my situation is a little similar. I graduated in 2010 from high school, but didn't want to go to college that Fall. Half because I was kinda nervous and the other half because I just don't want to do school work. My motivation is seeing people who were like that and aren't doing that well it looks like. Crappy jobs with no sign of getting past them. Because of that I'm forcing myself to go to school, and I'm actually starting in two months. Summer classes.
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post #35 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 11:26 AM
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College is not all there is. There are vocational, short term courses that can land you many times even a better job that if you studied for 7 years at any university but its all about knowing what you really want and dropping everyone expectations at the door.

If you are torn between 2 or 3 career choices like I am, study your main one and fill the holes later with short term courses.

For example I want to write, learn the english language but I want to heal people also. However I know myself very well to know im not going to spend 7 years away spending money like crazy in order to do something that I could accomplish by taking

a reiki/ non traditional medicine course outside of school domain for much less but I get to do something I love without the added stress of academics.

Investigate the opportunities in your surroundings , get your basics down, look for motivational exercises right here in the internet and push yourself to get there.

Have owl vision,rotating all around you to spot potential prays lol
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post #36 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 02:40 PM
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i am feeling the same, now that im a junior in highschool. i dont get how ive become so lazy, its upsetting. i used to always be a good student, i didnt work super hard but i got mostly As. I always thought i would attend a 4 year college out of highschool, like my parents did. Now i can barely do my homework, i feel less knowledgable about things and i cant even remember basic stuff from elementary/middle school. Ive been cutting classes at least once a week, i just cant stand staying in school from 8am to 3 pm. by the time lunch comes around im ready to leave.
i guess one main reason could be that i have absolutely no friends at school, or anyone to talk to. at the same time, having "friends" stresses me out because they are never real. I am equally stressed with friends; with my inferiority complex i am alwayscomparing myself to them, thinking i am always less cool, etc.
i just feel like if i got friends it would be like starting over, and i dont want that. i would feel very behind socially and i am 98% sure no one would really care to hang around me. honestly all i have are my emotions, opinions and mood swings. I am always up for something fun, but im usually the one left out of those things.
in all im just between a rock in a hard place: i know how hard it was when i had friends, and now i know how hard it is without friends. i have no motivation to do work, i have no real goals or ambissions. all i look forward to each day is either playing xbox staring at my computer.

I didnt have any motivation to change until now i realize what will happen if i keep this up. i still get somewhat good grades despite my lack of effort and truancy, but i know without motivation i wont be able to go to college. college just sounds like more work that i wont be able to handle, more people i wont feel the least comfortable with. Where do i find motivation? im not sure at this point. im such a let-down.
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post #37 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-29-2011, 07:35 PM
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I am also an unmotivated person. I am just about to graduate from college in something that I dont really like. I just sort of fell into it because i didnt know what i wanted, i still dont know what i want. and I feel like im stuck in something that i hate and that i feel im no good at. I do my school work just because i have to, not because i want to. and when i dont have school work to do, i dont do anything else. I just watch tv or movies or surf the net. i do nothing of real value.
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post #38 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-30-2011, 09:49 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paulyD View Post
i used to suffer from the exact same problem. and then i found out why i was the way i was. i have avoidant personality disorder. it is obviously very similar to social anxiety but one significant difference is this :

*people with avoidant personality disorder not only suffer from social avoidance like the social phobics do but they also suffer from cognitive avoidance and emotional avoidance. people with avoidant personality disorder hold deep rooted beleifs that they cannot handle feeling bad therefore any time they feel the slightest bit of discomfort or have the slightest negative cognition they will avoid it

in the past whenever i'd feel the tiniest bit of discomfort i'd just distract myself from it, i'd quit. usually i'd watch tv, spend money or eat junk food as a way of distraction. i'd put anything off that required a bit of work on my part. i'd even put off getting out of bed

i discovered that my laziness was 2 fold :

1)a low threshold/tolerance for discomfort (due to the fact i had avoidant personality disorder)

2)fear of failure (i didnt want to try anything incase i failed. by not taking action i was preventing myself from failing)

this is how i beat my problem - i did an nlp ''parts integration''. that fixed my conflict/fear of failure. (you can go to an nlp proactionaire and they will do this for you. i did it myself cos im trained in nlp).
then i increased my tolerance for discomfort by listening every single day to thinkrighnows end procrastination cd(www.thinkrightnow.com) as well as listening to wendi friesens end procrastination cd set (www.wendi.com).(wendi's cd actually has a session called ''stop self sabotage''. this is basically a parts intergration therefore if you use the wendi cd you would not need to go and have a session with an nlp practionaire )

i listen to the above 2 combined prodcuts dailly for a full 12 weeks and now i am a changed man. i would advise you to fix this problem asap otherwise you are gonna end up with many wasted years of life and lots of regrets

if you need any more advice PM me
To the OP, I don't know if this will work for you, but you have to admit, it is an actual plan with something tangible you can do. Pauly D, how much does all this stuff cost?
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post #39 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-30-2011, 10:49 PM
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High school is tough because you have to take alot of different subjects, some of which, naturally, aren't going to interest you. Or, that may be presented in a way that's just not interesting. There has to be something that you're interested in though. Find it, and help that motivate you to want to be able to do it for a living.

I don't suffer from lack of motivation. I guess at one point, probably in high school, I had a similar problem. But since then, I've been able to decide what I want to do with my life career-wise and go for it. There are a huge array of options. Unfortunately, in order to get there, you will have to do some mundane, undesirable stuff. But it won't be forever. It's a matter of being able to get through it in order to be happier and more excited about life in the long run. Even though I currently work at a job that I overall really like, I still have to do some of the dirty, tedious jobs at times. In order to do the fun stuff, you have to do some of the other things too.

But if I were you, I'd look for something that ignites some passion, in some subject in school, and at least put alot of work into that, even if it's not for every single thing you tackle. It'll be a start.

Sometimes I wish I were someone else, but then why not just try to be the person I want to be?

Crazy girl
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post #40 of 130 (permalink) Old 03-30-2011, 11:31 PM
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You sound just like me, except 2 years older, and possibly much smarter.

Hey, at least you can earn good grades without doing much. I on the other hand has to shove a book in my brain surgically before I can even memorize anything. That's what learning mostly is, it's not really about understanding, but just memorizing flashcards. Soon you'll forget just about everything.

As for working, i'm horribly unmotivated.
test taking is not a good sign of intelligence. i have my associates degree and finished my schooling with a 3.9....but i had less knowledge than this girl who dropped out of my chem class cause she got a 6 on her exam.
im good with taking tests, because i can memorize things well. i don;t have to study for tests really. I , on the other hand, can not participate in discussions,or provide examples of information(APPLY MEMORIZED FACTS TO EXAMPLES)
all i can do is memorize, and pass tests without understanding anything.
i relate to the op, because i am failing my classes(ok maybe an exaggeration) right now as well, all due to not wanting to do anything. i feel like ive learned nothing as it is. i have a paper due, and i dont feel smart enough to do it. when i sit in class, nothing sinks in.
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