I am 27 & hopeless/never worked/no life. - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-14-2019, 03:04 PM Thread Starter
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I am 27 & hopeless/never worked/no life.


I wake up everyday hating myself. I have no hobbies,no friends,never worked,never learned to drive,never went to college,cant even speak to anyone other than family and a few other people,low self esteem,don't want to be seen. I have been isolating in my room at my parents house for years. I am always socially anxious but i'm also mentally unwell a lot of the time. I can't focus on reality. I am lost in my mind. I look in the mirror and seem so unfamiliar to myself. If I take a picture of myself I feel like I always look different. I don't know how to speak well. I am soft spoken,nervous,and mumble. I have been this way since childhood. I don't understand why. I am just a scared person. Scared of my own reflection and my mind. It is really hard to live this way. I am getting help by taking medication,seeing a therapist,and going to a rehab program for people with mental illness. I just don't know what to do with myself all day if i'm not at the program other than be on my phone all day browsing things or sleeping. At the program I help in the kitchen,preparing food,washing dishes,serving coffee. Some days I feel a little confident and friendly..but sometimes I really have to fake it. I have to smile and be friendly & positive but inside I am dying to hide and just go to sleep to escape reality. Sometimes When I go anywhere I can't stand up right..I am always looking down. Life is so hard when you hate yourself and have no confidence or trust in anyone. I am probably the oldest person to never have a job or even leave the parents house. Its not good to compare to someone but I feel like a loser. I see people my age with good jobs,a house, and a family. Taking care of kids and I can hardly take care of myself. I am a mess and I don't know how to stop being this way. The only way is to keep going to the program, but someday I don't want to go because I hate the way I look and don't want to be seen.
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post #2 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 10:55 AM
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Well, I don't really have any good advice but to say that the good news is you are still pretty young and it does not sound like you are physically unwell.

It's all relatable. Many people here (past and present) are and have been in similar circumstances. Obviously, I think if you have been in the program you're in for awhile and you haven't made any progress (and you want to make progress) you should talk to someone in charge and tell them you don't feel like it's helping very much and ask them what you should do about it.

/WYSD
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post #3 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 12:41 PM
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I was in the same situation when I was 27. I started to work late. And I still have no life at all @ 32 years

"Rome will lose the faith and become the seat of the antichrist." ~ Our Lady of La Salette
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post #4 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 12:46 PM
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I'm the same age. It's heart breaking to hear your experiences but at least you are in the right place and getting help.


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post #5 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 12:49 PM
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sounds like you're doing what you can? just keep at it.

some people can do more but have the same feeling. at what stage is it enough? it can go on forever. do just dont compare yourself to other people.

anyway, tao te ching says:
Quote:
Success is as dangerous as failure.
Hope is as hollow as fear.

What does it mean that success is a dangerous as failure?
Whether you go up the ladder or down it,
your position is shaky.
When you stand with your two feet on the ground,
you will always keep your balance.

What does it mean that hope is as hollow as fear?
Hope and fear are both phantoms
that arise from thinking of the self.
When we don't see the self as self,
what do we have to fear?

See the world as your self.
Have faith in the way things are.
Love the world as your self;
then you can care for all things.

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #6 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 02:45 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks. I will ask for more help in the program or with my therapist.
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post #7 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 02:46 PM Thread Starter
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Its good that you are working.
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post #8 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 02:47 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you. I am thankful for the help i'm getting.
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post #9 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 02:48 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks very good advice.
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post #10 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 03:01 PM
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A lot of us here are in the same situation, people of all ages too. The world is judgemental of those who can't contribute or those who deal with anxiety. Working on yourself is good, so is volunteering. Since you haven't seen improvement have you tried other medications or a different therapist? You aren't a loser either, this attempt to help yourself and keep busy is something to be confident about.

"It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There's no escaping that."
Stephen Colbert
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post #11 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 03:25 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks. I've been put on new medication recently. I am also learning Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with my therapist.

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A lot of us here are in the same situation, people of all ages too. The world is judgemental of those who can't contribute or those who deal with anxiety. Working on yourself is good, so is volunteering. Since you haven't seen improvement have you tried other medications or a different therapist? You aren't a loser either, this attempt to help yourself and keep busy is something to be confident about.
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post #12 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 03:39 PM
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I wake up everyday hating myself. I have no hobbies,no friends,never worked,never learned to drive,never went to college,cant even speak to anyone other than family and a few other people,low self esteem,don't want to be seen. I have been isolating in my room at my parents house for years. I am always socially anxious but i'm also mentally unwell a lot of the time. I can't focus on reality. I am lost in my mind. I look in the mirror and seem so unfamiliar to myself. If I take a picture of myself I feel like I always look different. I don't know how to speak well. I am soft spoken,nervous,and mumble. I have been this way since childhood. I don't understand why. I am just a scared person. Scared of my own reflection and my mind. It is really hard to live this way. I am getting help by taking medication,seeing a therapist,and going to a rehab program for people with mental illness. I just don't know what to do with myself all day if i'm not at the program other than be on my phone all day browsing things or sleeping. At the program I help in the kitchen,preparing food,washing dishes,serving coffee. Some days I feel a little confident and friendly..but sometimes I really have to fake it. I have to smile and be friendly & positive but inside I am dying to hide and just go to sleep to escape reality. Sometimes When I go anywhere I can't stand up right..I am always looking down. Life is so hard when you hate yourself and have no confidence or trust in anyone. I am probably the oldest person to never have a job or even leave the parents house. Its not good to compare to someone but I feel like a loser. I see people my age with good jobs,a house, and a family. Taking care of kids and I can hardly take care of myself. I am a mess and I don't know how to stop being this way. The only way is to keep going to the program, but someday I don't want to go because I hate the way I look and don't want to be seen.

We all can relate to similar issues here. I posted a thread earlier, and I think it's a good trick, that we who are SAD can at least work on talents privately. Depression can be very debilitating, but working on writing/ exercise/ etc on your own doesn't have to involve being seen or criticized by others. You can go at your own pace and set your own goals. I'm not ignoring your sorrow, I understand it in myself. I'm not mentioning the advice imagining you aren't suffering. I just think it could help you feel better.
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post #13 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 05:21 PM
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I'm 27 too and have the same situation. I don't find the way out and I'm loosing my breath, just an hollow, empty body left. The only 2 things can distract, make me feel a bit better is going to here (this forum) and playing video games.
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post #14 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 05:42 PM
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I'm 27 too and have the same situation. I don't find the way out and I'm loosing my breath, just an hollow, empty body left. The only 2 things can distract, make me feel a bit better is going to here (this forum) and playing video games.

I know it's hard to do so when depressed, but if you worked on a private skill- writing, art, etc- it wouldn't involve social burdens, but would give you something to feel your improving at that's uniquely yours. Of course, some people get so good at video games they turn pro, but just playing a game usually wont lead to as much sense of accomplishment. Not trying to judge, just a thought.
The fact is, a person who spends a lot of time by themselves actually has a higher ability to become talented, because they are less distracted by others.
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post #15 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 05:42 PM
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And I have to accept that I'll live in loneliness for the rest of my life. That makes my brain breaths easier (but still struggling). And live alone has its advantage that it takes low cost, 2 meals a day still alive, no house is fine, no bills, no children, no party, no invitation... With a low educated job can afford it. And sometimes I do insane things like dancing and wriggling while driving on motorbike. There some moments I can be happy by doing things with myself....
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post #16 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 05:51 PM
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Thanks. I've been put on new medication recently. I am also learning Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with my therapist.

CBT can be very effective. I hope it makes a positive change for you.

"It's a gift to exist, and with existence comes suffering. There's no escaping that."
Stephen Colbert
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post #17 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 05:53 PM
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I'm 27 too and have the same situation. I don't find the way out and I'm loosing my breath, just an hollow, empty body left. The only 2 things can distract, make me feel a bit better is going to here (this forum) and playing video games.

I know it's hard to do so when depressed, but if you worked on a private skill- writing, art, etc- it wouldn't involve social burdens, but would give you something to feel your improving at that's uniquely yours. Of course, some people get so good at video games they turn pro, but just playing a game usually wont lead to as much sense of accomplishment. Not trying to judge, just a thought.
The fact is, a person who spends a lot of time by themselves actually has a higher ability to become talented, because they are less distracted by others.
Sorry but I don't need any accomplishments. I just need to exist until my parents die. I don't have any purposes in this life. Have a peaceful life and enough money for living is totally fine for me. I think people have S.A.D only need that too.
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post #18 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-15-2019, 08:48 PM
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Sorry but I don't need any accomplishments. I just need to exist until my parents die. I don't have any purposes in this life. Have a peaceful life and enough money for living is totally fine for me. I think people have S.A.D only need that too.

You said you were depressed, and I believe having a goal and the like helps lower depression. The accomplishment itself isn't as important as the pursuit. Also, it is more entertaining than just playing videogames.
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post #19 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 09:38 AM
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Believe me, I understand your situation. Turned 27 myself a few months ago and I still don't feel one step closer to being truly independent. I'm living with my dad, don't drive and am currently stuck with a job that can't give me full-time. I feel stuck in my current position and have no idea how I'll get out. It feels like I turned 18 just a couple of years ago, when in reality it's almost been a decade. Time is moving too fast for me to keep up! For folks like us who have trouble keeping our motivation up to actually work on making goals/building a career/earning a degree/etc, we need that incentive to keep us passionate and excited for it. I used to have friends outside the family, but my last relationship fizzled out. When I was with them, it made going out and socializing that much easier. Now that they're gone, I have little reason to go out on the weekends. Maybe we both need connections with others who will truly empathize with us on a personal level. It's one thing to talk to your parents or therapist about your problems, but it's something else completely when you talk to someone who is in the same situation. It's easier said than done, but it's what we need.

When will the time come when we feel complete?
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post #20 of 40 (permalink) Old 10-20-2019, 10:30 AM
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Here is a quote that may help.

C. S. Lewis Quote: “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”

What has happened in your past you cant do anything about or change. I have a lot of shame and regret about the past as well. Wish I could change a lot of things but there are no do overs in life. What you can do is change what you do today and in the future. Write down what your goals are and work towards them. Get help on the issues that you need help on. Then a year from now you will be in a better situation.

So focus on what you can do to improve yourself today. Not easily done but it can be done. Good luck
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