I'd like to argue that self-compassion is a natural derivative of ACT, although it really has become more of its own thing now, with a lot of research papers about it.
I haven't looked into it, but compassion certainly forms a large part of ACT. The two are both 3rd wave CBT (they aren't really CBT tho lol), both "above" the minds chatter, not trying to "fight". Very compatible therapies for sure, and yeh, for myself they kinda fuse. My psychologist is a CFT one, but I favour ACT.
CFT sortof forces its values on you a bit, which is fine for me as they are compatible with my own. ACT helps you find your own. Did a cool exercise in ACT where you have to focus on a moment where you feel good, accomplished, happy, whatever, then draw without thinking the feeling. I was courageously chatting to a woman, and I drew sisyphus. Its that taking on a load, to grow stronger, just picking it up and getting on with it. I feel the most proud of myself doing this. Therefore its a primary value for me. Anyway, I digress lol.
Other than that, 100% agree with what you said.
I think it applies equally to anxiety-provoking social situations (fears about the future, how other people might perceive you) and situations where you have been rejected or turned down (like someone said they didn't want to be friends with you, they left you on read several times in a row even if you always text first, they gave you excuses to not hang out with you).
Very much so. You can double up here and use the stoic dichotomy of control.. you can't control others behaviour. You can control how you react to it, and then, you can also react to it in a compassionate way.
A self-critical person would beat herself up thinking, it's all my fault, no one likes me, I'm a worthless loser. A self-compassionate person would be kind to herself and treat herself as her best friend (even if you didn't actually have a best friend yourself). She wouldn't call herself a worthless loser because she absolutely knows better than that. Failures are a part of life: not getting the job, being rejected romantically or platonically, having family issues. It's okay to think negative thoughts sometimes; we can't do away with them completely. However, it's really important not to buy too much into your thoughts. Not taking rejections personally, professional or interpersonal.
Yup. The thing is too, when you take a risk, ask someone out, do a job interview, step way outside your comfort zone, how would you treat a child here? Encouragement, kindness, congratulations. To react critically to such a thing is the kind of thing a terrible
parent would do, totally stops the behaviour in the future, worsens the anxiety around it, and so on... so I try to:
1. Adopt my compassion stance and friendly expression (CFT) -super super important as it keeps me more in the soothing mode.
2. Set a goal that is within my control (stoic). Say, asking out a girl. The asking is in my control, that is my part of it. If she is mad enough to say no, her problem
3. Use ACT to encourage myself (gently) to be courageous. Its my values. Leap.
4. Remember what I can and cant control (stoic)
5. Pick up the emotions and thoughts due to meditation practice
6. Remind myself anxiety is normal, accept the racing pulse, dont fuse with it (ACT). Accept it, all
7. Be compassionate with myself for being courageous (CFT). Remind myself other people might react badly, they may have been having a bad day, may have had a bad childhood, whatever! (CFT), remind myself I can't control others (stoic).
This is the ideal. Then remind myself ofc I wont get this perfect (CFT), but its what I am going for.
To go even further, rejections are growth opportunities. Someone who can react well to rejections is a very strong person. Stoic approach would be to see them like fuel to put on your fire, then you can grow and take on more.
By the way, I've been job-seeking for four months straight now. Do I call myself an unemployed loser? No, it doesn't help me at all. The best I can do is persevere.
Similar situation myself, though only been searching for a month ish. Definitely be kind to yourself. You are doing everything you can do, within reason, the secondary goal is to keep yourself in good mental health throughout it (maybe its the primary goal tbh). Criticism doesn't help.
Hang in there though. We will get there