How to not be bitter and depressed from celibacy? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 04:45 AM Thread Starter
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How to not be bitter and depressed from celibacy?


how do I get rid of this bitterness and depression? i just want my ego to disappear.

masturbation barely relieves my celibacy-caused-depression.

when someone talks about sex i feel like they stabbed my soul with a knife. the pain is intense for a few minutes and then lingers for 1-2 days afterwards. and if someone mentions sex again during that window of 1-2 days, the wound is torn open again and the pain comes back.
it hurts so much because i can imagine the person having sex if they mention something sexual, which also makes me incredibly horny if that person is attractive to me.

i want to be more sociable but i'm terrified of humans and i know most people aren't my type (even friendwise), so how am i supposed to even get close to a situation where they want to have sex with me?

there was this one time where an acquaintance booty called me but i couldn't do anything. i went over to her house and just laid in her bed like a frozen fish stick. she then got disappointed and got out of bed.

i don't know how to meet new people, my social self esteem is super low, even if i know i'm charming and whatnot. the only places i frequent is my workplace and my home (supermarket and mall is irrelevant here).

i used to be able to fap the pain away - i'd still be bitter but i didn't have the energy to care about sex or relationships, but these days it only relieves my pain for a few minutes instead of 1 day.

i see at least 10 super hot girls (disregarding the very few times i see a hot guy or other gender) every day and my closest coworker is super hot. it's exhausting.

my sexual abstinence results in irritation, confusion, muscular tension, testicular pain, abdominal pain, low appetite, reduced self-confidence, reduced motivation to live, sexual obsessions and yeah, just being depressed and bitter in general.

i'd patronise sex workers but it's illegal here (being caught is a real risk) and my social phobia would make sex-for-money very very awkward too.

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post #2 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 04:48 AM
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Try working out. It can relieve your carnal intentions.

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post #3 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 04:52 AM
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Well, if it helps, sex isn't very good in my experience. The anticipation is much better than the actual act. Honestly it's more like being addicted to a really ****ty opiod like codeine, or cheese. The high is ****ing terrible, but you end up getting to need it, even though its ****. The problem you have isn't the lack of sex, its the drive for sex. Unfortunately I don't know how you deal with that, but at least rationally it might help a little to understand how utterly underwhelming and irritating sex is.

My relationship is ****ing **** tho, so that's probably why lol.

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post #4 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 08:55 AM Thread Starter
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there has to be some kind of perspective i can adopt that will allow me to subdue my pain?
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Originally Posted by sanpellegrino View Post
Try working out. It can relieve your carnal intentions.
but i'm a fool



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Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
Well, if it helps, sex isn't very good in my experience. The anticipation is much better than the actual act. Honestly it's more like being addicted to a really ****ty opiod like codeine, or cheese. The high is ****ing terrible, but you end up getting to need it, even though its ****. The problem you have isn't the lack of sex, its the drive for sex. Unfortunately I don't know how you deal with that, but at least rationally it might help a little to understand how utterly underwhelming and irritating sex is.

My relationship is ****ing **** tho, so that's probably why lol.
honestly the few times i had sex it was pretty fun, and i didn't even begin to utilise my creativity.

but sure, you could frame it as my libido being the problem, i don't really care. getting rid of my libido would work just as well (assuming that my personality would adapt to not be a sex freak).

i'm sorry your relationship is bad
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post #5 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 09:40 AM
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Originally Posted by versikk View Post

honestly the few times i had sex it was pretty fun, and i didn't even begin to utilise my creativity.

but sure, you could frame it as my libido being the problem, i don't really care. getting rid of my libido would work just as well (assuming that my personality would adapt to not be a sex freak).

i'm sorry your relationship is bad
In fairness, I am frustrated with things atm, esp sexually. Not in the way you might expect, but stuff I don't want to go into.

At any rate, I guess you can't alter your libido, but am just kinda saying that from where I am atm, certain things you might not even think about can really dampen things. Maybe just me, though, idk.

Enough about me, lets talk about you, what do you think about me?
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post #6 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 12:19 PM Thread Starter
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from where I am atm, certain things you might not even think about can really dampen things. Maybe just me, though, idk.
no no, i totally get it. but it "wont happen to me", nahmean.
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post #7 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 12:30 PM
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I don't find many people attractive or sexually stimulating unless I'm in the middle of masturbating, and even then it's photos/gifs of women or sex acts that I'm usually disgusted by when I'm done much like with the stuff I read. (Well I mean I'm disgusted during as well presumably, but arousal overrides that.)

Outside of that I only really experience mild attraction to most people. I do experience more intense sexual attraction to some people but it's like been a handful of people my entire life and many times I end up 'editing' them in my mind or amalgamating them with other fantasies, people or traits. If I'm feeling less disgusted or if my sex drive is higher then maybe I'll imagine certain things with someone I find attractive, and usually they are impossible things. Sometimes I'll also imagine impossible stuff with purely invented people.

So having a low sex drive and high disgust sensitivity I suppose. (Well technically only the former is really necessary.)

But you can't really win, because then you're just frustrated about your lack of desire, your lack of certain body parts, feeling like an alien, feeling castrated, feeling schizoid etc.
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post #8 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 12:51 PM
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Well you could look at the dark side of the web & melt your eyeballs at the true colors of human nature, or look up how we're raping the planet everyday, that might make celibacy seem not so bad, though I know most don't care as long as their "needs" are being fulfilled anyway, Soo... ce la vie, it's a suggestion, (I would make a terrible therapist "a cure for depression is make yourself even more depressed"






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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post #9 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 01:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
and even then it's photos/gifs of women or sex acts that I'm usually disgusted by when I'm done
....Its curious how the sex drive override's logical thought processes, I suppose in essence it's a life sustaining mechanism like breathing or a heartbeat so goes by the same rules once engaged, I think that's why some people get ashamed or embarrassed about sex, they're ashamed what they're capable of liking in the moment.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #10 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 01:15 PM
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If you think you can no way get what you want. I will suggest you something. Watch some autopsy videos.Watch how the human body is dissected and the organs are taken out for examination. You might find it weird. But I can tell you;it will give you a different perspective of life.I know it worked for some people. You might go through the same experience, who knows.

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post #11 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 03:10 PM
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Quote:
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....Its curious how the sex drive override's logical thought processes, I suppose in essence it's a life sustaining mechanism like breathing or a heartbeat so goes by the same rules once engaged, I think that's why some people get ashamed or embarrassed about sex, they're ashamed what they're capable of liking in the moment.
Yeah though.. I'm into some pretty dark and sadistic stuff, often completely removed from what I find emotionally/romantically fulfilling so.. It's difficult.
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post #12 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 03:59 PM
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Quote:
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how do I get rid of this bitterness and depression? i just want my ego to disappear.

masturbation barely relieves my celibacy-caused-depression.

when someone talks about sex i feel like they stabbed my soul with a knife. the pain is intense for a few minutes and then lingers for 1-2 days afterwards. and if someone mentions sex again during that window of 1-2 days, the wound is torn open again and the pain comes back.
it hurts so much because i can imagine the person having sex if they mention something sexual, which also makes me incredibly horny if that person is attractive to me.

i want to be more sociable but i'm terrified of humans and i know most people aren't my type (even friendwise), so how am i supposed to even get close to a situation where they want to have sex with me?

there was this one time where an acquaintance booty called me but i couldn't do anything. i went over to her house and just laid in her bed like a frozen fish stick. she then got disappointed and got out of bed.

i don't know how to meet new people, my social self esteem is super low, even if i know i'm charming and whatnot. the only places i frequent is my workplace and my home (supermarket and mall is irrelevant here).

i used to be able to fap the pain away - i'd still be bitter but i didn't have the energy to care about sex or relationships, but these days it only relieves my pain for a few minutes instead of 1 day.

i see at least 10 super hot girls (disregarding the very few times i see a hot guy or other gender) every day and my closest coworker is super hot. it's exhausting.

my sexual abstinence results in irritation, confusion, muscular tension, testicular pain, abdominal pain, low appetite, reduced self-confidence, reduced motivation to live, sexual obsessions and yeah, just being depressed and bitter in general.

i'd patronise sex workers but it's illegal here (being caught is a real risk) and my social phobia would make sex-for-money very very awkward too.

5467890poiuygfdsafghjkljhgfdfgkpoiuyrfdsafgvhb

Someone booty called you so what is that you did to make them want to?

Were you laying in bed frozen out of anxiety/fear or what?

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it, and join the dance.
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post #13 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 04:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
Yeah though.. I'm into some pretty dark and sadistic stuff
...Yes, I don't mind though, it's a side effect of the human condition : /






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #14 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 11:04 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by versikk View Post
how do I get rid of this bitterness and depression? i just want my ego to disappear.

i see at least 10 super hot girls (disregarding the very few times i see a hot guy or other gender) every day and my closest coworker is super hot. it's exhausting.

my sexual abstinence results in irritation, confusion, muscular tension, testicular pain, abdominal pain, low appetite, reduced self-confidence, reduced motivation to live, sexual obsessions and yeah, just being depressed and bitter in general.

i'd patronise sex workers but it's illegal here (being caught is a real risk) and my social phobia would make sex-for-money very very awkward too.

5467890poiuygfdsafghjkljhgfdfgkpoiuyrfdsafgvhb

Need a bit more info before I can give you advice. What is your age and where do you live?
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post #15 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-22-2019, 11:45 PM
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I spend all my time writing bad porn. But yeah, doesn't actually help. I wish I didn't need people at all. I'd be way more productive. So much time wasted trying to make human connections.

In science, ideology tends to corrupt; absolute ideology [corrupts] absolutely" - Robert Nisbet
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post #16 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-23-2019, 12:28 AM
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It is always sad to see people talking where they could find people to load their set into. Some humanity check in your thoughts could also relieve your pain. We can grow over our needs, you just need to practise your brains.

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post #17 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-23-2019, 03:31 AM
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I thought you were a virgin but then you mentioned having sex before so.. why cant you do what you did then to get sex from women?

Im not into celibacy but Im also not the relationship type. I learned that again and again. I suck at bonding with people. I cant relate to most people either. Finding girls on Tinder is easy though so I just stick with that for my sex drive. Unfortunately, everyone is anxious these days so hooking up is getting popular. I masturbate most of the time out of pure sexual passion thats pent up inside of me but when I feel lonely or unbearably horny ill look for girls on Tinder and Meet Me.

Sometimes, we just have to be realistic and acknowledge the truth about ourselves.



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post #18 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-23-2019, 09:16 PM Thread Starter
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post #19 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-25-2019, 10:00 AM
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well I think the best way to see celibacy as something positive is to look at the cons. When you have sex a lot it can become very addicting, also with celibacy you avoid heart break-- when ever I read,see or hear about a trash asx relationship I thank my lucky stars I'm single, then the obvious...no stds.
There's no greater regret than knowing you've cut your own life short by chasing tail.

look on the bright side.

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post #20 of 34 (permalink) Old 06-25-2019, 10:09 AM
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I think (probably) you are going to be bitter if you want to be bitter. If you think you don't want to be bitter but still are, you probably have the issue of conflicting forces working inside where there is a lot more of you that wants to be bitter than there is that doesn't. Like maybe it's analogous to the person who doesn't want to be overweight but really loves to eat and really hates to diet and exercise.

I would like to be able to say that you can choose not to be bitter but that's obviously not true. It works for me but it isn't going to work for everyone because everyone is different. I don't know how I do it so there's not magic potion that I'm aware of.

And of course, it does help a lot to be over the hill and not really having much of a sex drive anymore. Ummm...well, that isn't exactly helpful in a lot of ways but it does make me not really care much about having no sex partners for many years. I don't find it depressing or bothersome or even unfortunate. It's a good thing I don't, too. Because if I did there probably wouldn't be a whole lot I could do about it.

EDIT - after re-reading your OP, I realize there are some things I am unable to really address in your post. Admittedly, my way of looking at things and circumstances is very different. Sorry if it comes off as dismissive or something. It isn't meant to.

/WYSD
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