How to not be bitter and depressed from celibacy?
how do I get rid of this bitterness and depression? i just want my ego to disappear.
masturbation barely relieves my celibacy-caused-depression.
when someone talks about sex i feel like they stabbed my soul with a knife. the pain is intense for a few minutes and then lingers for 1-2 days afterwards. and if someone mentions sex again during that window of 1-2 days, the wound is torn open again and the pain comes back.
it hurts so much because i can imagine the person having sex if they mention something sexual, which also makes me incredibly horny if that person is attractive to me.
i want to be more sociable but i'm terrified of humans and i know most people aren't my type (even friendwise), so how am i supposed to even get close to a situation where they want to have sex with me?
there was this one time where an acquaintance booty called me but i couldn't do anything. i went over to her house and just laid in her bed like a frozen fish stick. she then got disappointed and got out of bed.
i don't know how to meet new people, my social self esteem is super low, even if i know i'm charming and whatnot. the only places i frequent is my workplace and my home (supermarket and mall is irrelevant here).
i used to be able to fap the pain away - i'd still be bitter but i didn't have the energy to care about sex or relationships, but these days it only relieves my pain for a few minutes instead of 1 day.
i see at least 10 super hot girls (disregarding the very few times i see a hot guy or other gender) every day and my closest coworker is super hot. it's exhausting.
my sexual abstinence results in irritation, confusion, muscular tension, testicular pain, abdominal pain, low appetite, reduced self-confidence, reduced motivation to live, sexual obsessions and yeah, just being depressed and bitter in general.
i'd patronise sex workers but it's illegal here (being caught is a real risk) and my social phobia would make sex-for-money very very awkward too.
the demon is the healer