How pathetic is your life? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 04:00 AM Thread Starter
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How pathetic is your life?


I've got full blown social phobia with avoidant personality. I can't relate to anyone. I can't converse for more than 15 seconds. I'm only good at making one liners or pointing out funny things or throwing in the odd comment. This makes me feel like I'm awfully boring and that others think the same. I spend most of my time by myself on the computer or daydreaming since I have like zero f***ing friends and have slid into a depression where I have little energy or motivation to do anything else. I just leave my room for essential things like work, food, shower and toilet. I still live at home and feel like I will never move out because of anxiety. People at work think I'm a virgin because they know I live at home and it's a stereotype for virgins to never move out of home. I barely say a word to my parents and get awkward and anxious around them. I don't feel I have much of a relationship with them because I just sit in my room away from them.

I shut down when it comes to talking to pretty women. The intense shame and embarrassment of being a full grown adult virgin got too intense to handle so I pumped myself full of drugs to kill my anxiety and paid for it. In the eyes of other guys I'm still a loser since I have to pay to get laid. I've never had a gf. Never even kissed a girl. Never gone on a single date and never been asked on one either. F*** I've never even had a face to face conversation with a woman that was single. I'm so inept I screwed up a potential relationship by being too slow and her getting sick of waiting around for me to find the courage to meet up with her. She ghosted me and it shot my self esteem to bits. I couldn't even admit it was my own fault and was mad as hell about being ghosted.

My self esteem is so screwed up as soon as I think of trying to find a woman to love me all this self hatred and toxic shame is dragged up and it's impossible to even fathom why any woman would even want a guy like me. Like she must have serious mental problems if she did. It just feels like no woman wants me and so don't even see the point in trying to approach or reach out to anyone. If I open up to a woman about my pathetic life it feels she'd be disgusted or laugh in my face and I feel I would die of utter embarrassment and humiliation. If she stays she'd always have that card to play where she could turn around and mock me during an argument for being a pathetic loser who would've died lonely if it wasn't for her. My confidence is so low I feel I couldn't even handle a woman or a relationship. I feel so inept and stupid for not being able to even be a proper man. I'm paralyzed by the thought a woman would be interested in me then think I'm a shy dorky weirdo and run for the hills when she notices I can't hold a conversation with her. How humiliating to get ditched for being socially awkward.

Each year it gets more and more painful being in family gatherings and especially my birthday. It's embarrassing as hell to have my sister in law and her family know me for many years and never once see me with a woman. I assume she and her family just think I'm a loser but are far to polite to question me about it.

I think a large part of my avoidant personality is a result of the amount of bullying and my tendency to be a doormat during school. Also especially for mixing with people that saw and treated me as a pipsqueak.
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post #2 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 04:54 AM
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I think like the best thing Iím doing for my self right now is trying to better myself so one day I will be ready to accept somebody. And I wonít look for anyone or expect anyone to want me if Iím not in a good place mentally, spiritually,íphysically even.
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post #3 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 05:42 AM
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I don't know. I don't really find the term "pathetic" to be very useful in the assessment of my life. I find words like "Annoying" "irritating" "disastrous" and "frustrating" to be far more descriptive of how I feel about my life.

I don't know. Semantics? Maybe.

/WYSD
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post #4 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 05:53 AM
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hey im in the same boat.....i have a sh!t life, no friends, no girlfriend (yeah still a virgin too), no career, no job, only ever been on a date once which was a bloody awful experience, i couldnt string a sentence togateher and was stuck with ther for 5 hrs.....i tried to get away from her but couldnt.....i now know not to bother woth women.....hey life is a b!tch, the only positive thing i can say now is im aware of my weaknesses, so i tend to avoid women altogether.
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post #5 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 10:11 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by samboychippies View Post
I'People at work think I'm a virgin because they know I live at home and it's a stereotype for virgins to never move out of home.

The intense shame and embarrassment of being a full grown adult virgin got too intense


.......I have to pay to get laid.


So are you a Virgin or not? What you say wildly contradicts.

And anyway, if you've paid for any sexual interactions with a women, that's even way more and further than a lot of people have done on here .

Your post doesn't say, but how else do you relieve sexual tension if it can't be with other people? Do you use material to please yourself too or you don't use that at all?

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This must be it,
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post #6 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 01:38 PM
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Well...you had at least one woman interested in you (even if it didn't work out), so, you're light years ahead of me. The only reactions I ever get from guys, from least often to most often, are 1. pity, 2. disgust/mockery, and 3. ignoring. I don't even register as a woman to the vast majority of them. A guy once told me I shouldn't bother trying to stand up for other women because I'm such an "extreme anomaly" that I'm "nothing remotely" like them. And perhaps he's right, even other women don't really seem to consider me one of them. I look in the mirror, I don't see a female or a male. I'm just an amorphous blob-amoeba-thing.

(I had to submit my photo to a private subreddit once to prove I'm a woman. I worried they would not be able to tell just from looking at my face. Didn't matter much in the end, most of their posts I could not relate to after all, and they mostly ignored and downvoted me too. I left, nobody noticed or cared.)

And it's not just gender relations, but all the rest of the stuff too--in my forties, no relationship or life experience to speak of, never had a job/completely unable to work, dependent on parents, still living in my childhood bedroom, petrified by anxiety, can't even hold a conversation or relate to anybody online, yadda yadda yadda. I stopped going to family gatherings decades ago, too humiliating when the only questions they ever had for me were "Do you have a job yet?" and "Do you have a boyfriend yet?" and the answer to both was always "No" and then it was like I immediately stopped existing to them. (Birthday gathering...? What's that? My parents and my one online friend are the only ones who acknowledge it anymore.)

Pretty pathetic.

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Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

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post #7 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 01:46 PM
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Um, yeah, nobody wants to change places with me, lol.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
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post #8 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 01:54 PM
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This is a nice example from today of how pathetic I am. At any given time I usually have an ad up on either Reddit or Craigslist mentioning I'm a virgin and asking if anybody is interested. I get very rare replies, but when I do, it's exciting. I woke up this morning to a new reply from Craigslist. The "from" name on the e-mail was "Max S." but the person said in the e-mail their name is Maxine. Not wanting to upset the apple cart with suspicion right out of the gate, I engaged in conversation.

The person seemed interested but asked right away if I could send a photo. I had one I took a few weeks ago for another woman who was interested (she ghosted), and sent that. They said they thought I looked handsome, so from that my radar was up even more because I'm anything but. I took another photo that better represented me and they said the same. They sent a photo of an attractive woman. Mixed in over the couple hours' worth of e-mails was sex talk and references which just didn't sound the way a female talks. She also questioned if I was actually a virgin which, while a legitimate question, is a bit silly because who would lie about that?

Since she questioned me and since I offered to hold up an object to verify in the photo I took (she declined), I felt license to ask for a verification photo. At first she gave the "I'm in the car at the moment" thing, then took offense, saying this is not worth her time. I pointed out the name difference and she said "Max" is short for "Maxine". Yeah, sounds convenient, and you're using a name that a woman probably hasn't been named in 50 years and you say you're 33. So she split and I'm left wondering if it was really a catfish or if I let a good situation go. I've actually only been catfished one or two other times that I strongly suspect, so I really haven't dealt much with catfish.

I'm left thinking about this instead of doing anything worthwhile today. That's pathetic.
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post #9 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 02:04 PM
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Um, yeah, nobody wants to change places with me, lol.
Somebody who likes spiders might.






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #10 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 02:27 PM
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Somebody who likes spiders might.
Actually lol'd.

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post #11 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 03:02 PM
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What it sounds to me is that you are putting way too much pressure on yourself. When you do that, it will cause you to look, sound and act desperate when you talk to women. They will hear it in your voice and see it in your body language...and hell, maybe even sense it chemically, who knows. You have to somehow learn not to care so much about that. Though, how to accomplish that, only you'll be able to figure out. I do believe in the old adage...whatever the hell it is....'love always finds you when aren't looking' - that's nowhere close to the proper wording. When you are desperately looking then you will definitely give off that 'on the prowl' vibes. Women typically don't like prowlers.

You are the wave, I am the naked island.
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post #12 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 03:54 PM
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0% pathetic. 100% glorious.

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―Balon Greyjoy
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post #13 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 04:04 PM
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Very, even by the low standards of this website lol.

But I don't count things like having kissed people etc as making my life less pathetic (or anyone's.)

Some people heard my words and thought it meant they knew me
Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
Some background figure in a story that's already scripted
And what I feel's just felt for you to hear me ****ing spit it
I jump in many different heads through these words and poems
Always hoping maybe the next leap'll be my leap home

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post #14 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 06:52 PM
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24. Probation (for a year and 4 months.).Scared to go outside. Addicted to fetish porn (though I've made progress). Fat. Depressed. Anxious in general. Still living with grandma (although when probation ends, I'm moving). SSI. Poor relationships. Low status. One friend (which I'm thankful for). Dorky. Just disastrous.

Late Bloomer or Dead Man, idk
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post #15 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 11:13 PM Thread Starter
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So are you a Virgin or not? What you say wildly contradicts.

And anyway, if you've paid for any sexual interactions with a women, that's even way more and further than a lot of people have done on here .

Your post doesn't say, but how else do you relieve sexual tension if it can't be with other people? Do you use material to please yourself too or you don't use that at all?
My post doesn't contradict itself. I've clearly laid out my situation of how I was just so sick of and ashamed of being a virgin and nutted up and lost my virginity by paying for it. I was nearly 30 when I did. People at work ASSUME I'm a virgin because older adults who are socially inept and live at home tend to be thought of as losers who never have had nor will ever have sex. So you can see why they assume I'm still a virgin as I fit the bill of (1) being socially inept and (2) living at home as a full grown adult. I have never told anyone I paid for sex so they will never know for sure. I just let people think whatever they like.

I have to pay for it every time I want it as I don't see myself as emotionally or mentally capable of walking up to a random woman and asking her if she would be interested in having sex with me. Visiting hookers would be an almost daily thing but my financial situation doesn't allow me and my anxiety flares up visiting these places unless I'm high as a kite.

Why do you even want to know how I relieve sexual tension when alone?
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post #16 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 11:51 PM Thread Starter
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hey im in the same boat.....i have a sh!t life, no friends, no girlfriend (yeah still a virgin too), no career, no job, only ever been on a date once which was a bloody awful experience, i couldnt string a sentence togateher and was stuck with ther for 5 hrs.....i tried to get away from her but couldnt.....i now know not to bother woth women.....hey life is a b!tch, the only positive thing i can say now is im aware of my weaknesses, so i tend to avoid women altogether.
The job aspect of life is usually the easiest to fix. The friends/gf aspect for me is next to hopeless.
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post #17 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-28-2020, 11:52 PM Thread Starter
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This is a nice example from today of how pathetic I am. At any given time I usually have an ad up on either Reddit or Craigslist mentioning I'm a virgin and asking if anybody is interested. I get very rare replies, but when I do, it's exciting. I woke up this morning to a new reply from Craigslist. The "from" name on the e-mail was "Max S." but the person said in the e-mail their name is Maxine. Not wanting to upset the apple cart with suspicion right out of the gate, I engaged in conversation.

The person seemed interested but asked right away if I could send a photo. I had one I took a few weeks ago for another woman who was interested (she ghosted), and sent that. They said they thought I looked handsome, so from that my radar was up even more because I'm anything but. I took another photo that better represented me and they said the same. They sent a photo of an attractive woman. Mixed in over the couple hours' worth of e-mails was sex talk and references which just didn't sound the way a female talks. She also questioned if I was actually a virgin which, while a legitimate question, is a bit silly because who would lie about that?

Since she questioned me and since I offered to hold up an object to verify in the photo I took (she declined), I felt license to ask for a verification photo. At first she gave the "I'm in the car at the moment" thing, then took offense, saying this is not worth her time. I pointed out the name difference and she said "Max" is short for "Maxine". Yeah, sounds convenient, and you're using a name that a woman probably hasn't been named in 50 years and you say you're 33. So she split and I'm left wondering if it was really a catfish or if I let a good situation go. I've actually only been catfished one or two other times that I strongly suspect, so I really haven't dealt much with catfish.

I'm left thinking about this instead of doing anything worthwhile today. That's pathetic.
Telling potential dating partners you are a virgin at your age doesn't help your cause as it scares many women away.
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post #18 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 06:00 AM
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Originally Posted by samboychippies View Post
My post doesn't contradict itself. I've clearly laid out my situation of how I was just so sick of and ashamed of being a virgin and nutted up and lost my virginity by paying for it. I was nearly 30 when I did. People at work ASSUME I'm a virgin because older adults who are socially inept and live at home tend to be thought of as losers who never have had nor will ever have sex. So you can see why they assume I'm still a virgin as I fit the bill of (1) being socially inept and (2) living at home as a full grown adult. I have never told anyone I paid for sex so they will never know for sure. I just let people think whatever they like.

I have to pay for it every time I want it as I don't see myself as emotionally or mentally capable of walking up to a random woman and asking her if she would be interested in having sex with me. Visiting hookers would be an almost daily thing but my financial situation doesn't allow me and my anxiety flares up visiting these places unless I'm high as a kite.

Why do you even want to know how I relieve sexual tension when alone?
Ok, so.those people assume you're a virgin. Well, then why not get some semblance of satisfaction (If the topic were somehow to come up, altho hopefully not ) knowing that you can Rob them of their assumption by truthfully telling them that you're not a virgin at all. So what if you paid money or it? You've still been with a woman (or women) which is way more than a lot have on this forum. You actually have some semblance of experiance, which is way more than a lot on here. And you don't need to tell them you paid for it. If it's ever discussed, you can actually truthfully at least say you've had at least some experience and at least you don't have to sit in the corner awkwardly hoping you don't have to admit youve no experience whatsoever.

So you can let them assume all they want, but you should have at least some satisfaction knowing that you aren't a total sexual failure. Like, you were/are able to at least perform, right? By that point, they money doesn't make much difference. You were with a consenting woman and you were able to have experience. That's how I would feel about it. Put me in front of a prostitute and I can bet to hell nothing would happen. I think that's a much worse embarrassment. Imagine admitting that you had to resort to a.l prostitute and then couldn't even perform or get aroused? I've never went to one so I have no idea how awkward it would be, but I imagine it would be.

And BTW, I don't think most guys walk up to random women and ask for sex like how you described.. I think 99.9% of the time, that'd result in a smack on the face...for any guy.

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear.
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

___________
Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down. I gotta keep on moovin!

If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity.
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post #19 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 06:46 AM
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Pretty pathetic but it's getting better. I've always had an inner strength in me that just can't accept losing.
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post #20 of 44 (permalink) Old 05-29-2020, 07:07 AM
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im not judging my life but im like handicapped when it comes to talk im like for real disabled, people scare me and im terrified to talk not to mention somehow dont know how to talk with alive ppl? also have no skills to do regular small talk or how is it called you know regular chat irl.



dropped out of school n art school becoz of severe people phobia and socialisation phobia im so sick of it i just cant stand alive ppl



thankfully i have some friends online but when they mention meeting me alive it makes me sick and somehow horrors+depresses me in a instant




why im so handicapped? do i lack somekinda chemicals in brains or what????
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