How do people stay motivated ? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 12:13 PM Thread Starter
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How ? I often struggle with motivation.

I know 2 weeks ago I was talking about exercise ....but Im no guru.

Ive tried watching motivational videos from fit guys, but I usually end up feeling "I can never look that cut"

I like superheroes so I thought watching a video of the Arrow actor talking about his workout would drive me.....but the more clips I saw of him doing his own stunts...the less fit I felt.

I weighed 200lbs 2 weeks ago...I now weigh 205lbs...but I don't feel any leaner...if anything, I feel my gut is slightly bigger ....

Sigh.....I always fall into this trap....I start working out.....my arms get a little bigger, but my gut stays just as big. I get discouraged and stop....
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 12:22 PM
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They don't, really I think.

Think of long term compliance and keeping a habit rather than motivation.

1. Inspiration. Like a brief, but high wave that rises quickly and falls quickly
2. Motivation. A less brief but less rapidly falling wave of excitement
3. Habit. A shallow, but long lasting wave
4. Enjoyment. A very high, and long lasting wave.

So firstly, its less wise to rely on inspiration and motivation, by their nature they will run out, you will do something for a short time, frantically, then it will fade and you cant spike inspiration or motivation again, so you stop.
Secondly, Enjoyment, that might be inherent, or it might come later, but assume it wont.
Habits then, are the key to long term compliance. If you are doing exercise, make it the gym (or a place). But ideally something you enjoy, but say its not something you enjoy, go somewhere, and set a reasonable schedule (monday, weds friday). Go at the same time every time. Don't miss a session unless you have to, and use inspiration and motivation to establish the habit. The same time, same place, same exact routine (do everything prep in the same order, they act as cues and will trigger the habit). Do the same routine for 2-4 weeks, without fail, use motivation, then it is moving and you have a habit.

Then, use motivation, or whatever else to keep yourself going. If you get injured, go anyway, because you are keeping up all the memory cues that keep the habit.

Finally as an aside, no, you wont ever look that cut. Realistic goals.

For me personally when I am in the gym routine I love it. Fall off the wagon, its hellish starting again.

Compassion focused therapy audio, guided meditations:

https://balancedminds.com/audio/
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 01:33 PM Thread Starter
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They don't, really I think.

Think of long term compliance and keeping a habit rather than motivation.

1. Inspiration. Like a brief, but high wave that rises quickly and falls quickly
2. Motivation. A less brief but less rapidly falling wave of excitement
3. Habit. A shallow, but long lasting wave
4. Enjoyment. A very high, and long lasting wave.

So firstly, its less wise to rely on inspiration and motivation, by their nature they will run out, you will do something for a short time, frantically, then it will fade and you cant spike inspiration or motivation again, so you stop.
Secondly, Enjoyment, that might be inherent, or it might come later, but assume it wont.
Habits then, are the key to long term compliance. If you are doing exercise, make it the gym (or a place). But ideally something you enjoy, but say its not something you enjoy, go somewhere, and set a reasonable schedule (monday, weds friday). Go at the same time every time. Don't miss a session unless you have to, and use inspiration and motivation to establish the habit. The same time, same place, same exact routine (do everything prep in the same order, they act as cues and will trigger the habit). Do the same routine for 2-4 weeks, without fail, use motivation, then it is moving and you have a habit.

Then, use motivation, or whatever else to keep yourself going. If you get injured, go anyway, because you are keeping up all the memory cues that keep the habit.

Finally as an aside, no, you wont ever look that cut. Realistic goals. <a href="http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/images/smilies/wink.gif" border="0" alt="" title="" >:-)</a>

For me personally when I am in the gym routine I love it. Fall off the wagon, its hellish starting again.
Yea you seem to get it ....I fall of the wagon often and it goes like this:
(1) I have an aha moment, probably Im forced to lift something at work and realize how much weaker Ive gotten.

(2) this motivates me to start going to the gym ...at that time I can watch videos of celebrities training and it actually motivates me

(3) I hit a plateau, something stressful happens and either I miss a few days: or I have a *weak* day...you know those days when all the weights feel heavier.

(4) after having a *weak* day at the gym...negative thoughts start kicking in....i begin to doubt my progress....I start feeling like my goal is unattainable. Workout videos begin to depress me instead of motivating me, because I start comparing my appearance to the guy in the workout video

(5) plus...good old social anxiety ensures I dont make any friends at the gym....so I have nobody to motivate me on my down days.
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 01:50 PM
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Once you have the habit set in, for you, you probably need to try to keep a more realistic outlook on what the gym can do for you. I totally get it btw, currently I am struggling because its getting hard to keep my calories down, im ****ing sick of training with some bands and dumbells in my garage, and I look in the mirror and think I am not looking my best. My thinking leads me to set bigger goals (less calories) to make up for it. But its a huge mistake. During lockdown I have eaten at 2500 calories, lost a mere what, 7 lbs? but gained a visibly significant amount of muscle and a bunch of strength.

This is absolutely perfect, the holy grail recomp, what the **** am i doing trying to change things? (setting myself up for a failure, is what). This at a time when half or more of the people visiting gyms have totally stopped. Our minds really are our worst enemies sometimes.

But I think realism is the thing here. Log *all* your workouts (jefit or strong app) and ensure you are progressing in strength over time, weight or reps need to go up, somehow every week. Train close enough to failure (5-1 reps). Eat enough protein. Sleep enough. Get the total calories where you want them. Then understand this both takes time, and your performance will fluctuate. So will your weight, your perceptions of your physique, and your motivation.

Get the habit, commit to it same time x days per week. Don't self criticise, but remind yourself that you are forgoing some kind of momentary pleasure for your long term future self, and get yourself to the gym when its time to go. If you don't feel motivated, just put your gym gear on. If you still don't, get into the car (you can manage these things), if you still don't, drive to the gym anyway. Then you will find you workout anyway.

Compassion focused therapy audio, guided meditations:

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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 02:20 PM
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Originally Posted by SplendidBob View Post
They don't, really I think.

Think of long term compliance and keeping a habit rather than motivation.

1. Inspiration. Like a brief, but high wave that rises quickly and falls quickly
2. Motivation. A less brief but less rapidly falling wave of excitement
3. Habit. A shallow, but long lasting wave
4. Enjoyment. A very high, and long lasting wave.

So firstly, its less wise to rely on inspiration and motivation, by their nature they will run out, you will do something for a short time, frantically, then it will fade and you cant spike inspiration or motivation again, so you stop.
Secondly, Enjoyment, that might be inherent, or it might come later, but assume it wont.
Habits then, are the key to long term compliance. If you are doing exercise, make it the gym (or a place). But ideally something you enjoy, but say its not something you enjoy, go somewhere, and set a reasonable schedule (monday, weds friday). Go at the same time every time. Don't miss a session unless you have to, and use inspiration and motivation to establish the habit. The same time, same place, same exact routine (do everything prep in the same order, they act as cues and will trigger the habit). Do the same routine for 2-4 weeks, without fail, use motivation, then it is moving and you have a habit.

Then, use motivation, or whatever else to keep yourself going. If you get injured, go anyway, because you are keeping up all the memory cues that keep the habit.

Finally as an aside, no, you wont ever look that cut. Realistic goals.

For me personally when I am in the gym routine I love it. Fall off the wagon, its hellish starting again.
Very well put and I agree with all of it, so x2 from me and I'll add my own thoughts as well.

This is my ninth year of working out consistently. Started in my late 20's just trying to get back in shape. Got inspired by some really strong guys and decided I wanted to be exceptionally strong and set about doing that.

Motivation is pretty irrelevant for me. Most days I don't wake up feeling it. I treat working out and food prep just like I treat stuff like brushing my teeth or going to work. It's just part of my day that I do regardless. It's so ingrained it's just part of my day.

I do enjoy it though. Not every session obviously. I'm advanced to the point demonstrating progress is something that takes months to set up for. Most sessions are pretty unspectacular just doing a lot of submaximal volume. But I like working towards those long term goals. Reminds me of grinding for levels on old school RPGs.

One additional thing I'd add is after awhile you're invested in keeping it up. Assuming progress has been made anyway. I have so much put into where I'm at quitting for any amount of time and regressing is unacceptable.

I started a new job earlier this year that forced me to make some major adjustments. For one it's night shift and second it's 10,12, and sometimes even 13 hour shifts Monday through Friday plus it's an hour drive each way.

I've cut down from four days a week to three for the moment. Doing Monday because I can get to bed early Sunday and get enough sleep to wake up and lift before work. Then Wednesday I just have to suffer through not enough sleep. Then Saturday because I can sleep in and I do my longest session then. Food prep is actually easier than ever because since my fiancee works days I'm up late alone Sunday night. So I spend about two hours preparing all my food for the week while listening to an audiobook. Then it's all just grab and go during the work week.

When the gyms shut down for the coronavirus I went out and bought a cheap squat rack, bench, and some plates for home. Luckily got it before the price gouging started and only paid around $800 for all of it. For me the show must go on, couldn't let gyms closing set me back.

Getting used to the longer hours and sometimes less sleep was rough, but I'm managing well. Actually hit a bench PR of 200kg/440lbs a few weeks back. Weird goal for most Americans, but they do use kilos at powerlifting meets.

Anyway, good to see you back, Bob. Was wondering about you the last few months. Hope all is well.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-13-2020, 04:21 PM
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Motivation is pretty irrelevant for me. Most days I don't wake up feeling it. I treat working out and food prep just like I treat stuff like brushing my teeth or going to work. It's just part of my day that I do regardless. It's so ingrained it's just part of my day.
I haven't been training as long as you, maybe 3-4 years on and off.. but I totally get this. Though I haven't got the food prep under control quite yet.. but I have learned a lot through lockdown..

1. I need the gym. Even if its my pissy dumbells in the garage and cheap bands. I need to do it for my mental health. Its non negotiable
2. I don't feel great atm. Training isn't easy without the gym. But I do it, because i feel better afterwards. Achievement and action is everything when depression are threatening to drag you under.
3. I have made really good progress with bad equipment. Still technically a beginner, but this too has been a revelation. Consistency and habit, and getting it mostly right for the duration is how you improve. Get in there, close to failure, more reps and weight over time, get protein.

Honestly, this stuff from lockdown was a blessing.

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I do enjoy it though. Not every session obviously. I'm advanced to the point demonstrating progress is something that takes months to set up for. Most sessions are pretty unspectacular just doing a lot of submaximal volume. But I like working towards those long term goals. Reminds me of grinding for levels on old school RPGs.
Impressive dedication sir. I totally get the grind aspect, it seems like a very similar kind of grind to an rpg hah.

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When the gyms shut down for the coronavirus I went out and bought a cheap squat rack, bench, and some plates for home. Luckily got it before the price gouging started and only paid around $800 for all of it. For me the show must go on, couldn't let gyms closing set me back.
Damn right. Hah. I bet you were happy you acted asap . I was thankful I had two dumbells and bands. I have extra long handles so could load up to 40kg, which meant (for me) I could manage to rig together enough stuff to get a good routine going. A lot of thoughts of giving up at the start, but its honestly the thing that has kept me sane (just).

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Anyway, good to see you back, Bob. Was wondering about you the last few months. Hope all is well.
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I am making big improvements in a major life area, which is all I can do. Been a rough time though, a few things happened close together, but am hanging in there.

I did actually think of you at the start of lockdown and wondered if you had managed to keep on training somehow - glad to hear you seem to be doing well and making new progress.

Compassion focused therapy audio, guided meditations:

https://balancedminds.com/audio/
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-15-2020, 11:16 PM
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I think you should be focused on short term goals first, Long goals sometime make you unmotivated because there is a lot of struggle in the path waiting for you.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-20-2020, 06:00 PM
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have some kind of goal you really want, I guess. what do you truely want? not want other people want for you. what, if you could have it, would make you fulfilled?
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-21-2020, 12:47 AM
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I think you have to believe that doing something will have a meaningful positive impact on your life. You're not going to do something if you don't believe it's going to work or that it's going to make your life better. I think motivation is a direct outcome of how close you think you are to achieving a goal and how positive an impact you believe it's going to have.

As I don't really believe that the things I want are obtainable, or that the things I can achieve are worth doing, I tend to have very low motivation these days, except in very restricted areas. I know I can finish this book I'm reading, and I know it will probably be informative or entertaining in some way, so I finish reading it, but I don't bother with dating because I believe my odds of success are zero.

I don't really personally believe in motivation. I think that's just a fancy term we use to describe the effort we exert when our predictions make us believe we're capable of achieving a desirable goal. The only way to improve a person's motivation is to change their predictions. But I know that's going to be an unpopular opinion that everyone hates.

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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-21-2020, 01:06 AM
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I find in these situations, motivation might work better if you are getting it from people you feel you can relate to. People in similar situations as you. You follow each other's progress along as motivation. Like a training and motivational partner. Getting it motivation from fitness gurus or celebrities seems to be opposite of that. Because you feel like you can't relate to them. Deep down your subconscious is feeling they don't understand you. You feel like they're just trying to sell you on something. So this makes getting motivation from them difficult.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-21-2020, 12:47 PM
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One of the tricks/tips to keep your motivation active is to keep visualizing your end result as success. Engaging in almost day-dreaming like exercise where you imagine yourself having already achieved what you're after. That way your subconscious will start to generating methods for you to get there and eventually that motivation will become more natural - just a thing you have hardly even thinking about it.
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-21-2020, 01:22 PM
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I think what he says is very accurate and useful for handling difficult tasks: "motivation is not a feeling and then you do, motivation happens after you do"

This is pretty much what I do for school, hobbies and work.

"If you need a safe space, see a therapist" - Jordan Peterson
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-21-2020, 01:31 PM
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One of the tricks/tips to keep your motivation active is to keep visualizing your end result as success. Engaging in almost day-dreaming like exercise where you imagine yourself having already achieved what you're after. That way your subconscious will start to generating methods for you to get there and eventually that motivation will become more natural - just a thing you have hardly even thinking about it.
I've actually heard the opposite before because then you get the chemical reaction from daydreaming.

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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-21-2020, 03:16 PM
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Lots of things can motivate people, they're dillusional, on an ego trip, on drugs, mentally ill, in debt/family to feed, peer pressure, fear of death/mortality, sex... etc.






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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-21-2020, 07:09 PM
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Originally Posted by VIncymon View Post
How ? I often struggle with motivation.

I know 2 weeks ago I was talking about exercise ....but Im no guru.

Ive tried watching motivational videos from fit guys, but I usually end up feeling "I can never look that cut"

I like superheroes so I thought watching a video of the Arrow actor talking about his workout would drive me.....but the more clips I saw of him doing his own stunts...the less fit I felt.

I weighed 200lbs 2 weeks ago...I now weigh 205lbs...but I don't feel any leaner...if anything, I feel my gut is slightly bigger ....

Sigh.....I always fall into this trap....I start working out.....my arms get a little bigger, but my gut stays just as big. I get discouraged and stop....
I don't think you can specifically target your gut to get smaller, it gets smaller the lower your body fat level goes.

As for motivation, I'd recommend music and imagination. For weight lifting, put on Skyrim's soundtrack and don't just think, but KNOW that you are a Dragonborne and you need to undergo intensive traininig before you can fight your battles
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-25-2020, 10:39 AM
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It's all about routine. You have to stick to the same thing week after week.


It's not like working out is a particularly challenging activity, but because you don't have a routine it's a departure of what you normally do.
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-25-2020, 10:51 AM
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.


Knowing that if I dont be productive I will fail keeps me motivated
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-25-2020, 10:58 AM
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Its not about staying motivated as very few, if any at all, can achieve that.


Its about what you do when you are not motivated...the very best just get on with it, thats why they are the err...very best !

**** your feelings !!


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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-26-2020, 11:29 AM
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I don't think people stay constantly motivated. It ebbs and flows, and it's probably why the advice out there is to develop commitment, routine, and habit towards your objectives. Your interest is undoubtedly going to wane at some points, maybe for long periods.

An acquaintance told me he thinks the most important quality is grit. Of course you should have your core values and motivation at heart, but on the day to day, it isn't going to always matter. You just need the grit to keep going with the gameplan regardless (or at least not veer completely off the road).
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