How do I stop hating? - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-26-2019, 09:27 PM Thread Starter
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How do I stop hating?


Hey guys, I dont know if u can relate but I honestly have genuine hate in my heart for older adults. It's strange because hating goes against my morals, yet I have it myself. The reason why I hate older adults is because I felt like my problems were ignored by them. When I talked about it, they basically told me that that my generation was weak, entitled, and full of cry babies. I know some of you on this website might even agree with that statement but all I ask is that you have a little empathy. Anyway sometimes I find myself wishing depression on them which I know is wrong because depression definitely is not a fun disorder to have. As a result of my feelings being invalidated, I dont really talk to people about my emotions anymore. I keep them inside and pretend to be tough and happy like they want me to be. I'm sad all the time and feel like I have no one to talk to. Anyway, I know that having hate for others is not healthy. I'm trying to heal and forgive them for their ignorance. Yes, I am aware that I make assumptions about adults and not all of them are like how I just described. Because I know that, I want to change....
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 02:55 PM
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Yeah I know what you mean. It's annoying as hell when people disregard your problems and use the '' your generation '' excuse. I don't think they're all like that though. It's unfair to generalize a whole group. I've met lots of older adults who've given me wise pieces of advice and helped me look at things from a more positive perspective.....something which I couldn't get easily from my generation. The older generation has a lot of good stuff to impart too....it's not just negative.



To stop hating them, I'd say don't put them all in one box. Disregard the negative people, and appreciate the positive ones out there.
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 03:17 PM
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A thing my mother used to say "You think you have it bad back in my day I walked to school 3 miles with bare feet in winter carrying a bundle of wood for the fire, I came home & gathered an acre of potatoes my grandfather dug during the day or I got a beating, or I cut thorny briars till my hands bled for thatching or I got a beating, the roof fell in once on our cottage during a storm when I was 6 & no-one would help me etc" bunch of pansies






And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 05:07 PM
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I think most people think they've either got it or had it harder - no matter how old they are.

If it's any consolation - I'd much rather talk about my mental health problems to a younger person, I most likely wouldn't even admit any of them to someone my age because I'd be more worried about the way they'd react. Younger people seem to be more open and aware of them at least.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 06:32 PM
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The thing is, older generations have had struggles that this generation does not. We can, strangely, afford to not work as much and spend a lot of time alone and not married to a job. Its also culture that's changed a lot, along with food and whatever else changes have taken place. In some cultures, mental illness doesn't exist and thats tough. In the US, however, everyone because of the "awareness " movement is somehow an expert on how to treat and diagnose a clinical illness. You'd think we have enough of a sample size to truly treat it, but to each their own, and that too is a part of the culture: you become self-made through no help of others.

At this point, awareness does nothing if we don't act on anything.
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 07:17 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coeur_brise View Post
The thing is, older generations have had struggles that this generation does not. We can, strangely, afford to not work as much and spend a lot of time alone and not married to a job. Its also culture that's changed a lot, along with food and whatever else changes have taken place. In some cultures, mental illness doesn't exist and thats tough. In the US, however, everyone because of the "awareness " movement is somehow an expert on how to treat and diagnose a clinical illness. You'd think we have enough of a sample size to truly treat it, but to each their own, and that too is a part of the culture: you become self-made through no help of others.

At this point, awareness does nothing if we don't act on anything.
That's a good point. It's a good start I guess but most of it is just talk - and as they say, talk is cheap.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 07:47 PM
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What generation are you? How old are you?

I feel the same way I have some hate for adults in my life. They took advantage and abused me due to my mental illness. So yes you have valid reasons to hate. But dosent do you much good to hate now. Time to move on. You could get revenge and even the score is one option. Or try to forgive and move on.
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 08:34 PM
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I think with hatred it's important to be selective. Otherwise it'll consume you.

I met a guy once that had been through some incredible things. He escaped from a prison here in Melbourne because he was sure the guards would kill him if he didn't. Plus a lot of other things it's not appropriate to go into here. He wrote a book about part of his experience, which I used to sell.

He's a firm believer in forgiving those that have hurt you. I have a lot of respect for him and the fact he can do that, I'm not sure I could.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 08:36 PM
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Hate goes away when you love. Sometimes you can think about ways you like someone like something they did in the past that makes you realize they aren't so bad. I experience that with my family members at times, but I realize no one is a perfect person. Hate inevitably comes up and some people are easier to feel hate than others, but seeing the good stuff helps. This doesn't totally remove hate, but it does kind of soften your mind, so you can feel better.
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-28-2019, 09:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Infinitegalaxycat View Post
Hey guys, I dont know if u can relate but I honestly have genuine hate in my heart for older adults. It's strange because hating goes against my morals, yet I have it myself. The reason why I hate older adults is because I felt like my problems were ignored by them. When I talked about it, they basically told me that that my generation was weak, entitled, and full of cry babies.
People always say that about people they don't identify with. And generally, older people usually can't identify with younger people (and vice versa) because things change so much that conditions and circumstances are not the same.

To answer the question, I can't really tell you what mind tricks you can pull for yourself to stop feeling a certain way. I generally just try to ignore it when people say things like that. Such comments are usually driven by resentment. It's kinda like someone who spent hours climbing a moutain on foot watching someone else get out of their car at the top of the mountain complaining that their legs are stiff.

That doesn't mean having stiff legs isn't a valid complaint. They just can't relate because (the way they see it) they'd rather have stiff legs from riding up the mountain in a car than stiff sore legs from climbing it on foot. Different problems are not invalid because they're different. But generally, you pretty much won't get anywhere complaining to people who can't relate to your problems so don't bother.

/WYSD
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post #11 of 11 (permalink) Old 09-30-2019, 10:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coeur_brise View Post
The thing is, older generations have had struggles that this generation does not. We can, strangely, afford to not work as much and spend a lot of time alone and not married to a job.
That's...an odd way to look at it.

Back in the old days a man could support a family with a single job. Now it's difficult even with both parents working. If people are working less, it's because they can't get stable employment. We might have more disposable income as individuals for things like TVs and video games, but that's because we can't afford a family or a house in the first place (I can buy more luxury items for myself than my dad could for our family, but that's because I'm all alone in a cheap, tiny apartment while he had a family to support and a mortgage to pay).
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