Okay, that makes sense.
I agree that there should be some kind of a support net but if there isn't, I guess all you've got is:
1) Doing nothing.
2) Finding loopholes that allow you in on the support that does exist but that you are excluded from. Not always an option and admittedly hard even when it's an option. Might be done by lying or harrassing caseworkers/not-for-profits/schemes that could do the fighting for you. There's some risk.
3) Making some money and throwing it at the problem. Difficulty level 3! I wasn't really talking about getting employed as such, I was talking about starting some kind of a business or side hustle. Ideally online, where there is no need to meet people and you can get away with no initial investment. Hard to crack but if you give up on 1) and 2), you've got time to throw some **** at the wall and see what sticks.
I've done all three of these options and with some luck, things start to move along. I did, however, have fewer obstacles than you do, and there are never any guarantees and life can suck in general in some very creative ways.
I can't offer advice but I hear you.
Well, one of the reasons I got a therapist was because I thought she might be able to advocate for me and connect me to other resources. She is giving me free therapy, but there doesn't seem to be anything else that fits my circumstances. I don't fit the criteria for being disabled, so she can't get me disability. About the only other thing she can do is get me into some kind of group therapy, but all that's moved to video conferencing with the pandemic, and I can't do video. And I'm not sure what good that would do. I've explained everything in this thread to her so she knows what she's dealing with.
I can't think of any other way to make money online aside from my writing. I'd cam if I could, but that's obviously not an option. I can't make videos, I can't do product reviews if I can't afford products, I have no expertise I can market, I spent years trying to teach myself web/software design but I'm clearly not cut out for that. The things that I'm best at I'm not good enough at to be competitive, and anything I'm worse at is just going to be even less successful. There are millions of people trying to make money online, and they're all either more talented or have fewer obstacles than I have. Maybe I could push myself to work 16 hours a day, 7 days a week, if I had hope that life could get better, but I have no reason to believe that it will. Every part of my life is a wasteland.
Anyway, I appreciate the replies.
I keep looking at myself to the basics, brushing my hair, picking something out of my teeth, fixing my clothes. I try hard not to look at myself but I'll do it when I'm feeling most self conscious. There are only 3 people from this site who have ever seen what I look like in real life, my ex and a few former members. My family and facebook friends know what I look like but nobody on Twitter save for 1 person has ever seen me. Never done Youtube. I do Zoom with friends but that's the only time I'm on Camera.
The friend I made here has seen a couple photos of me, and heard a recording of my voice a couple of times. We text all the time, for over 6 years now, but I've never done voice or video with them. There are a couple of pictures of me on FB, taken by a friend about a decade ago, that I wish didn't exist. I've posted one photo of myself for my profile there. I spent a lot of time on the camera angle and my facial expression and did some cropping so that you can't see the asymmetry in my face, my badly misaligned jaw, my cracked/yellow teeth, or my enormous bald head. If you conceal your defects, you can do a lot to improve your appearance in a photo. But that doesn't carry over into real life. Like those Instagram vs Reality photos.