Heard Roommate Complaining About Me - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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Heard Roommate Complaining About Me


I live in a suite-style dorm, which in this case is basically two single studio rooms connected by a shared bathroom. The walls are really thin, so anything that goes on inside the bathroom can be heard--which is embarrassing, especially because I do not know the girl who lives in the other room. She introduced herself when she moved in, and I haven't seen her since.

Today, I go into the bathroom and I can hear that she has two guys in her room. So, I left the faucet on so they wouldn't hear me peeing. When I finished, I flush the toilet, and suddenly the guys start laughing. One of them yells through the door, "Yo, roommate, you taking a ****!?" I brush this off as him being a jerk, even though it was sort of humiliating to be called out like that. So what if I had been? You really need to comment on that? After I shut the door I hear my roommate start talking, and it definitely sounds like she's complaining about me. Something about how I wake her up all the time, but I couldn't make out the exact words. I think she's making fun of how/when I go to the bathroom.

Now, both the sink and the toilet are pretty loud, especially because our beds are like two feet from the bathroom door. I get up at 6:30am to go to work, and I have to shower/brush my teeth/use the toilet. I have heard her get out of bed right after I get out of the bathroom in the morning, so I probably do wake her up sometimes. But, I don't understand what else she expects me to do??

Additionally, she never uses the communal items that I bought for the bathroom (soap, trash can, bath mat). She even uses her own toilet paper instead of taking it from the roll that I have in the dispenser. She doesn't even put her shampoo/body wash in the shower. I left the (small) shelf completely open to her, and bought my own suction-cup shelves for my stuff. I don't know if she realizes I bought these, and maybe thinks I'm hogging all the space on purpose?

I'm sorry for the long post, and I'm probably over-reacting, but I really don't want this girl to dislike me. I don't know what I'm doing so wrong to have her ***** about me, when I'm right in the next room and can hear her doing it? Does she think I'm an inconsiderate, loud, space-hog? Should I leave a note in the bathroom asking her to discuss any issues with me? I'm really anxious and embarrassed about this.
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 03:02 PM
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This is why I never stayed in a dorm. Got territorial *****es who feel they should own both rooms and scare the others out so they have their own space. I don't think you'll get along with her if she's like this. And she doesn't want to share or use your stuff.

Now in a roommate apartment type situation its a bit more lenient cause you have to rely on your roommate to make sure he/she pays the rent on time and clean up after themselves. Dorms are a ****hole.
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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 03:11 PM
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She might be a little oversensitive with regards to sharing personal space with strangers. Do not take it personally. I would stop being quite so nice to her. Just use whatever shelf you want in the bathroom.

She might have *****ed about you but people in dorms do that kind of thing all the time. Don't worry about it.
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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 03:54 PM
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Here's what you do: stand right next to her room and pretend to call someone and say, "OMG I have this really annoying dorm mate that complains every time a flush the toilet! I know! And the stupid ***** doesn't even realize I can hear her talking though the wall! She always has guys over, too. Maybe the **** is trying to make a little money on the side!".

That should shut her up.

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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 04:04 PM
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Next time you hear something like that yell "**** off" or if you prefer "Go **** yourself" without hesitation. I'm serious.
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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 04:12 PM Thread Starter
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Ok, so, I've thought about it and I'm petty sure I was overreacting. It's very likely that she was just complaining about the loudness of the toilet/sink due to the high water pressure in this building. She may not have been talking about ME specifically at all--I didn't hear her exact words. I feel a little silly for even posting this thread at all.

But, still, thanks for the replies. It made me feel better.
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 04:23 PM
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Don't feel silly. I have the same exact thought process. For some reason, I always think people are making fun of me/talking crap about me. Owell. And that guy sounds like a ****. haha
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 04:31 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by efm88 View Post
Don't feel silly. I have the same exact thought process. For some reason, I always think people are making fun of me/talking crap about me. Owell. And that guy sounds like a ****. haha

Actually, I think that was a little bit of bad karma in effect, haha. I had a friend over a week or two ago, who said (very loudly) "wow she's been in there a long time!!" as my roommate was leaving the bathroom. I guess it's really just the same situation, reversed!
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 04:35 PM
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but I really don't want this girl to dislike me.
You can't make someone like you. Keep in mind that you don't have to be best friends with you roommate - all you need is to be able to get along with her.

You can try talking to her about things you perceive as problems if you want, but it usually doesn't work and she may resent you even more for it, but if you've done all you can as a human being and she still doesn't like you, then it'll be her problem, not yours.

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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 04:38 PM
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No, it's not silly at all. Everything you say shows that you do your best to have a correct relationship with your room mate. As you say, maybe she didn't even complain about you. Try to have a small conversation with her, when possible.

I also live in a dorm and have been through very rough times with the 2 guys living in the other room - the studio was composed of one single and one double bed room. I lived in the single room and I would very often hear the guys making fun of me. They played very loud music and also chatted very loudly all the time in the evening while watching some videos - it was not like chatting, they laughed and screamed. I asked them - politely, kindly - to be quieter, I said I need some calm, that I'm sensitive to noise. They said "alright" but later, they would make fun of me, would speak about me as if I was gay (which I am but they don't know) and would make noise all the time. Then, they started to completely disregard me, as if I didn't even exist. It really hurt. After 2 years of hell, I finally changed rooms. Wow, what a relief. I hope this won't be your case. Anyway, I have understood one thing - they made fun of me to feel better about themselves. They used me to strenghten their egos. I think healthy people do not feel the need to make fun of others in such an aggressive way or to ostracise others.
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post #11 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 04:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KayStrawberry View Post
I live in a suite-style dorm, which in this case is basically two single studio rooms connected by a shared bathroom. The walls are really thin, so anything that goes on inside the bathroom can be heard--which is embarrassing, especially because I do not know the girl who lives in the other room. She introduced herself when she moved in, and I haven't seen her since.

Today, I go into the bathroom and I can hear that she has two guys in her room. So, I left the faucet on so they wouldn't hear me peeing. When I finished, I flush the toilet, and suddenly the guys start laughing. One of them yells through the door, "Yo, roommate, you taking a ****!?" I brush this off as him being a jerk, even though it was sort of humiliating to be called out like that. So what if I had been? You really need to comment on that? After I shut the door I hear my roommate start talking, and it definitely sounds like she's complaining about me. Something about how I wake her up all the time, but I couldn't make out the exact words. I think she's making fun of how/when I go to the bathroom.

Now, both the sink and the toilet are pretty loud, especially because our beds are like two feet from the bathroom door. I get up at 6:30am to go to work, and I have to shower/brush my teeth/use the toilet. I have heard her get out of bed right after I get out of the bathroom in the morning, so I probably do wake her up sometimes. But, I don't understand what else she expects me to do??

Additionally, she never uses the communal items that I bought for the bathroom (soap, trash can, bath mat). She even uses her own toilet paper instead of taking it from the roll that I have in the dispenser. She doesn't even put her shampoo/body wash in the shower. I left the (small) shelf completely open to her, and bought my own suction-cup shelves for my stuff. I don't know if she realizes I bought these, and maybe thinks I'm hogging all the space on purpose?

I'm sorry for the long post, and I'm probably over-reacting, but I really don't want this girl to dislike me. I don't know what I'm doing so wrong to have her ***** about me, when I'm right in the next room and can hear her doing it? Does she think I'm an inconsiderate, loud, space-hog? Should I leave a note in the bathroom asking her to discuss any issues with me? I'm really anxious and embarrassed about this.
You are the normal one! the paragraph I bolded is exactly how I am! I use my own TP and stuff and I'm kind of weird like she is. I'm in the same exact suite situation as you. Anyone who would say "yo roommate, you taking a ****?" is not a cool person, trust me. Sounds like a loser and the girl might be too. So don't let anything these people say affect you in anyway until you actually know the type of person they are and if they are worthy of making you question yourself. If they ever say stuff like that again just walk into her room and ask them why they would ask that... this would put you in control and make them back off.

Don't leave a note, that would be weird. Just knock on her door and be straight with her. Put your cards on the table and make her the one who has to feel awkward not you.
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post #12 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 04:45 PM Thread Starter
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You can't make someone like you. Keep in mind that you don't have to be best friends with you roommate - all you need is to be able to get along with her.

You can try talking to her about things you perceive as problems if you want, but it usually doesn't work and she may resent you even more for it, but if you've done all you can as a human being and she still doesn't like you, then it'll be her problem, not yours.
Oh, I don't care if she likes me. I really have no interest in being her friend. I'd be perfectly happy if we never even said another word to one another--I just don't want her to actively DISlike me. That would make me really anxious. I'd probably avoid using the bathroom altogether, just to avoid reminding her I exist, at that point.
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post #13 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 05:02 PM Thread Starter
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You are the normal one! the paragraph I bolded is exactly how I am! I use my own TP and stuff and I'm kind of weird like she is. I'm in the same exact suite situation as you. Anyone who would say "yo roommate, you taking a ****?" is not a cool person, trust me. Sounds like a loser and the girl might be too. So don't let anything these people say affect you in anyway until you actually know the type of person they are and if they are worthy of making you question yourself. If they ever say stuff like that again just walk into her room and ask them why they would ask that... this would put you in control and make them back off.

Don't leave a note, that would be weird. Just knock on her door and be straight with her. Put your cards on the table and make her the one who has to feel awkward not you.
If it's just her personal preference to keep her things separate like that, then that's completely fine. I just can't help but feel like its a bit of a '**** you' toward me for "hogging" the bathroom. That's probably just paranoia on my part, though.

I agree, he sounded like a loser. I can't really make a judgement on her from the single conversation we had, but we don't seem to have anything in common. She's pretty quiet, though, and hasn't done anything before now to bother me.

We have the same room type, and it looks (from your avatar) that we both go to school in Boston, haha.
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post #14 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 06:42 PM
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I live in a suite-style dorm, which in this case is basically two single studio rooms connected by a shared bathroom. The walls are really thin, so anything that goes on inside the bathroom can be heard--which is embarrassing, especially because I do not know the girl who lives in the other room. She introduced herself when she moved in, and I haven't seen her since.

Today, I go into the bathroom and I can hear that she has two guys in her room. So, I left the faucet on so they wouldn't hear me peeing. When I finished, I flush the toilet, and suddenly the guys start laughing. One of them yells through the door, "Yo, roommate, you taking a ****!?" I brush this off as him being a jerk, even though it was sort of humiliating to be called out like that. So what if I had been? You really need to comment on that? After I shut the door I hear my roommate start talking, and it definitely sounds like she's complaining about me. Something about how I wake her up all the time, but I couldn't make out the exact words. I think she's making fun of how/when I go to the bathroom.

Now, both the sink and the toilet are pretty loud, especially because our beds are like two feet from the bathroom door. I get up at 6:30am to go to work, and I have to shower/brush my teeth/use the toilet. I have heard her get out of bed right after I get out of the bathroom in the morning, so I probably do wake her up sometimes. But, I don't understand what else she expects me to do??

Additionally, she never uses the communal items that I bought for the bathroom (soap, trash can, bath mat). She even uses her own toilet paper instead of taking it from the roll that I have in the dispenser. She doesn't even put her shampoo/body wash in the shower. I left the (small) shelf completely open to her, and bought my own suction-cup shelves for my stuff. I don't know if she realizes I bought these, and maybe thinks I'm hogging all the space on purpose?

I'm sorry for the long post, and I'm probably over-reacting, but I really don't want this girl to dislike me. I don't know what I'm doing so wrong to have her ***** about me, when I'm right in the next room and can hear her doing it? Does she think I'm an inconsiderate, loud, space-hog? Should I leave a note in the bathroom asking her to discuss any issues with me? I'm really anxious and embarrassed about this.
First of all be glad that you have your own room and only share the bathroom with her. When I went to college, we had to share a public bathroom with other people who lived on the same floor (30-40 people), two bathrooms with 3 stalls and showers in them on each end of the hall. And when I had a roommate, I had to share a room with her. Second of all, anyone who has nothing else better to talk about to her friends but how long you are in the bathroom truly had nothing better to do with her time with her friends. Everyone has to go to the bathroom and it doesn't matter how long you are in there, that is your business and no one else's.
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post #15 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 06:51 PM Thread Starter
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First of all be glad that you have your own room and only share the bathroom with her. When I went to college, we had to share a public bathroom with other people who lived on the same floor (30-40 people), two bathrooms with 3 stalls and showers in them on each end of the hall. And when I had a roommate, I had to share a room with her. Second of all, anyone who has nothing else better to talk about to her friends but how long you are in the bathroom truly had nothing better to do with her time with her friends. Everyone has to go to the bathroom and it doesn't matter how long you are in there, that is your business and no one else's.

Oh, yeah, I went through that my freshmen year. I would take showers in the middle of the afternoon to ensure that no one else would walk in on me, haha. I shared a double with this girl who let her boyfriend sleep over every single night. Then, he would lounge around in the room all day while she went to class! So uncomfortable.

I wasn't even in there for very long... I think they were really making fun of me because I left the faucet running. I guess that's weird, but I just didn't want some guys I don't know to listen to me peeing (not that I think they would WANT to or anything)!
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post #16 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 06:56 PM
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Oh, yeah, I went through that my freshmen year. I would take showers in the middle of the afternoon to ensure that no one else would walk in on me, haha. I shared a double with this girl who let her boyfriend sleep over every single night. Then, he would lounge around in the room all day while she went to class! So uncomfortable.

I wasn't even in there for very long... I think they were really making fun of me because I left the faucet running. I guess that's weird, but I just didn't want some guys I don't know to listen to me peeing (not that I think they would WANT to or anything)!
Now that was disrepectful of your roommate to have her boyfriend lounging in the room all day while she was in class, if she wasn't there, then he shouldn't have been there either. And he shouldn't have been there that often either. No one wants to look at some one else's boyfriend and a roommate in one room that everyone is sharing together. It should be you and your roommate and the boyfriend can come over sometimes but that is it. So what you left the faucet running, you want privacy when you are in the bathroom and you don't want anyone to know what you are doing while you are in there, I don't blame you for having the water running and the girl that commented on it, she would have done the same thing that you did if she were in your shoes. So I wouldn't worry about it.
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post #17 of 17 (permalink) Old 09-24-2011, 08:00 PM
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Something similar happened to me last year, except I heard my roommate complaining about how she wanted to switch roommates because I was so "weird and didn't like people." I ended up completely humiliating myself, because she heard me talking to myself when I didn't realize she was in there (I have a bad habit of sometimes saying my thoughts out loud when no one is around.) It was humiliating and painful, because I came to college hoping to overcome SA and make friends, but I never made any, and especially didn't want her to hate me; she just didn't understand that I'm just not gifted in the art of conversation. It sucks because when the person you live with does this to you, it ends up being a daily reminder of all your insecurities. As you can imagine it was a relief when the year ended, and I went home thinking odds are that I would probably never see her again and I could just forget about it. Unfortunately it didn't work out that way and by some weird coincidence she ended up being in every single one of my classes. Now I'm still reminded everyday that I'm "weird and don't like people," and at the beginning of the year I thought I would never get through this; I had this crazy idea in my head that she would talk about me behind my back and make everyone in my classes think I was weird too, and I couldn't stand the thought of facing her everyday with the knowledge of the embarrassing things she heard me say. It's true that I see her everyday, and its very awkward, and she does refuse to talk to me or look at me, but I've survived. We're just indifferent to each other. The reason for this, I've come to realize is that when embarrassing things happen to us they seem like the worst thing in the world, but in retrospect they really arent that big of a deal. people really don't notice us as much as we think, and just like you they are generally indifferent to people they've never met. This means that awkward moments between you and a roommate you've scarcely talked to are at most briefly amusing, but if they refuse to get to know you than they probably won't remember it forever, they just don't care enough about a near stranger for it to be a big deal. What I'm saying is while your embarrassed now, your roommate was just being immature, and it won't haunt you forever.
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