Have given up on career and future - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-04-2019, 05:45 AM Thread Starter
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Have given up on career and future


I have been miserable most of my life and somehow went through school, college and jobs without many friends, no gf (never touched a girl) and am now nearly 34. I did my college edu from abroad which made my anxiety worse and worked for 6 years in various jobs which never lasted over a yr. My last job worsened my anxiety and I started having night terrors, sleep issues, gained alot of weight and felt miserable day in day out. So I had to quit and come back home. Although I have been fighting anxiety for a very long time...I just feel completely mentally exhausted and devoid of any hopes, ambitions and strength. After my last job i started visiting a psychiatrist for first time who gave me some meds which helped initially. I started my own business after that as I thought I would be better off with it. Unfortunately it hasn't clicked and after 2 yrs I'll have to shut it. I have been living with my parents and my family is worried about my life as I don't have any plans of marriage or work. I don't think I can have a successful relationship with any woman and don't have the energy to go through the corporate life again. I really don't know how to explain my situation to my family as I haven't told them about my social anxiety. They don't seem the most understanding types as they think am just shy and introvert. I was hoping the business would work as that was one place I managed to go-to everyday and put in alot of hard work. Frankly, I really don't know what to do next other than just sit at home. I never wanted to c myself this way, as I was very ambitious and had dreams as a kid but things changed as I grew up with my mental disorders taking over. As am from India where there's this concept of arranged marriage, my mom has been talking to relatives and pushing me to meet girls. Also she and my older brother have been asking for my CV so they could circulate in their circles. For a change I want to do what makes me happier and comfortable but am not sure how to explain my situation to them as am worried on how they would react. Knowing their nature I know they would just brush it off as shyness or a lame excuse to not work. Sorry for this long post but it feels good to share here.
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 08:06 AM
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Originally Posted by abhinav21 View Post
I have been miserable most of my life and somehow went through school, college and jobs without many friends, no gf (never touched a girl) and am now nearly 34. I did my college edu from abroad which made my anxiety worse and worked for 6 years in various jobs which never lasted over a yr. My last job worsened my anxiety and I started having night terrors, sleep issues, gained alot of weight and felt miserable day in day out. So I had to quit and come back home. Although I have been fighting anxiety for a very long time...I just feel completely mentally exhausted and devoid of any hopes, ambitions and strength. After my last job i started visiting a psychiatrist for first time who gave me some meds which helped initially. I started my own business after that as I thought I would be better off with it. Unfortunately it hasn't clicked and after 2 yrs I'll have to shut it. I have been living with my parents and my family is worried about my life as I don't have any plans of marriage or work. I don't think I can have a successful relationship with any woman and don't have the energy to go through the corporate life again. I really don't know how to explain my situation to my family as I haven't told them about my social anxiety. They don't seem the most understanding types as they think am just shy and introvert. I was hoping the business would work as that was one place I managed to go-to everyday and put in alot of hard work. Frankly, I really don't know what to do next other than just sit at home. I never wanted to c myself this way, as I was very ambitious and had dreams as a kid but things changed as I grew up with my mental disorders taking over. As am from India where there's this concept of arranged marriage, my mom has been talking to relatives and pushing me to meet girls. Also she and my older brother have been asking for my CV so they could circulate in their circles. For a change I want to do what makes me happier and comfortable but am not sure how to explain my situation to them as am worried on how they would react. Knowing their nature I know they would just brush it off as shyness or a lame excuse to not work. Sorry for this long post but it feels good to share here.

Hey buddy, just to let you know that I am going through the same thing except I'm 31. I live with my parents and sit at home almost everyday with no where to go and nothing to do. I have bachelors and masters degrees.
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 09:34 AM
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Same here man. It's good you once were ambitious (I never was), perhaps you'll find the spark again soon...
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 10:08 AM
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I grew up being taught a bunch of bs about what i was meant to do when i grew up. mostly about a career. no one acknowledged my mental health problems. my education completely ignored it. at some stage you realise all the expectations are a lie. that's not who i am or even what i want to be. they're all working on bad assumptions. only you can decide what is good for you.

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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 11:13 AM
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Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
I grew up being taught a bunch of bs about what i was meant to do when i grew up. mostly about a career. no one acknowledged my mental health problems. my education completely ignored it. at some stage you realise all the expectations are a lie. that's not who i am or even what i want to be. they're all working on bad assumptions. only you can decide what is good for you.
I second this.

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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 12:43 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks for your replies guys. Today my brother took me to a Cafe only to lecture me on how I am throwing my life away and asked me on my future plans. I wish I had an answer to that. I know he's concerned but he wants me to give up on meds and stop seeing the psychiatrist. And this is not the first time someone from my family has said that. It's really sad to see that the same family who wants the best don't understand on why I would be taking these meds. They have been against it since beginning although these have helped me. Mental illness is still a taboo here. Wish they were more understanding.
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-06-2019, 01:15 PM
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You seem to know a psychiatrist makes good for you so listen to yourself. If you find therapy helpful and supportive then keep it. What your therapist said when you told him? about your situation and worries with your family? If you are or become financially depending on your family you might have to do something to do your part of the living costs. Maybe it could be better to sit down together and talk about sa. Maybe print some facts about sa so they can learn. What is worse what could happen if you tell?



What your therapist said about arranged marriage? Everyone has to choose only for themselves and everyone can make the change. If there is "only" the pressure of relatives but you are not abandoned practially by them then just live like you feel is a right thing. Of course you can learn about women and love and go towards that if you feel that is what you want but build your own path if you don't. Some people even cut their ties to live how they want and not to live under the pressure but only you know what is the best and right choice for you.


We cannot change people around us, we can share information, hope they will learn and just focus to change our own thinking. Maybe you could tell them which way therapy has been helpful to you.

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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2019, 02:09 AM Thread Starter
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My therapist just says don't worry about what they say and continue with the treatment. But he does agree with my family on the marriage thing. He thinks it will help me to progress in life, not sure how.

I agree with you that I can't do much about what others think and should just focus on myself.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2019, 03:18 AM
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Originally Posted by abhinav21 View Post
I have been miserable most of my life and somehow went through school, college and jobs without many friends, no gf (never touched a girl) and am now nearly 34. I did my college edu from abroad which made my anxiety worse and worked for 6 years in various jobs which never lasted over a yr. My last job worsened my anxiety and I started having night terrors, sleep issues, gained alot of weight and felt miserable day in day out. So I had to quit and come back home. Although I have been fighting anxiety for a very long time...I just feel completely mentally exhausted and devoid of any hopes, ambitions and strength. After my last job i started visiting a psychiatrist for first time who gave me some meds which helped initially. I started my own business after that as I thought I would be better off with it. Unfortunately it hasn't clicked and after 2 yrs I'll have to shut it. I have been living with my parents and my family is worried about my life as I don't have any plans of marriage or work. I don't think I can have a successful relationship with any woman and don't have the energy to go through the corporate life again. I really don't know how to explain my situation to my family as I haven't told them about my social anxiety. They don't seem the most understanding types as they think am just shy and introvert. I was hoping the business would work as that was one place I managed to go-to everyday and put in alot of hard work. Frankly, I really don't know what to do next other than just sit at home. I never wanted to c myself this way, as I was very ambitious and had dreams as a kid but things changed as I grew up with my mental disorders taking over. As am from India where there's this concept of arranged marriage, my mom has been talking to relatives and pushing me to meet girls. Also she and my older brother have been asking for my CV so they could circulate in their circles. For a change I want to do what makes me happier and comfortable but am not sure how to explain my situation to them as am worried on how they would react. Knowing their nature I know they would just brush it off as shyness or a lame excuse to not work. Sorry for this long post but it feels good to share here.
Hey so sorry to hear you are going through such a tough stage in your life. I have a friend who is going through the exact same thing and she said that it really helps if you find one thing that makes you smile and make sure you do it every night before bed. Don’t know if that will help at all but I’d give it a try! 🙂
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2019, 04:28 AM
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Have you ever thought to give therapy a try? I'm not sure what country you're in so it depends on if therapy is an option or not. If it is, talking these things out with a qualified person might help.

I know it can be hard to hear what other people offer as solutions when it's not that simple but you wish it was that simple. Maybe let them know that whatever they're saying isn't helping much and then that'll be less pressure on you.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2019, 07:34 AM
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You managed to start a business and keep it afloat for 2 years? That's amazing dude. Just wanted to let you know that.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-08-2019, 12:12 AM
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If you got through college and a bunch of years of jobs that at least shows that you have some type of ability to handle tasks and work and assignments. In that culture, where there are arranged marriages, it is a warped way of living. Either get away from that situation, or try to find a job where you can afford to live somewhere and make your own rules. Any family advising you, whatever they say is kind of rigged in a way because in a traditional world with arranged marriages, true love does not exist to those people, it is all about honor and money and respect and tradition and strict guidelines. I would not listen to anything they tell you regarding relationships because they will just want you to follow in an unhealthy strict system of living that their great great grandparents lived hundreds of years ago. If you are living at home, you will have less say to do whatever you want.

If you had a business and shut it down, i would definitely start it up again. Not just for money and to get your family off your back, for your own well-being. Every man has to judge himself at the end of the day you know.

If any of them are pressuring you to get married, don't listen to ONE WORD OF THAT NONSENSE. You have to talk to a girl and then decide if you like them and have feelings, marriage should come years down the road. I am completely against marriage, all it has every done is destroy relationships, financially and in every other way. I am all for committed relationships but marriage to me is unnecesary and a piece of paper and ceremony does not make a foundation stronger
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-08-2019, 03:06 AM
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You managed to start a business and keep it afloat for 2 years? That's amazing dude. Just wanted to let you know that.
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Yeah this. I wouldn't even know where to begin to start one, let alone keeping it alive.
I always thought people with own businesses must be very smart
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-09-2019, 08:23 PM
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I haven't given up with being a Quantum neurocomputer scientist, because of college. As long as the management system is active I still focus on the Supercomputers who manages humanity and human beings 24/7.


My extensive knowledge on algorithms, soft drive generating machines, data mining, communication, behavior, quantum engineering, and quantum computers motivates me to keep creating new ideas.

Even if my sleep is ruin for disrupting my concentration, because the Supercomputers knows my knowledge is correct and it doesn't want me to concentrate on sharing out my mind on the internet and it make people personally attack my concentrated throughts to isolate me from the correct concepts that I created.


ALL FOR FIXING HUMANITY!!

Multi-Agent Quantum AI Computers managing humanity 24/7 using Quantum Cryptography Satellites to run a thought interval to generate cryptographic keys to refresh key information into thoughts to channel the communication 24/7.


High Authority NSA Software Engineers "We feed the Supercomputers knowledge on how to manage citizens sleep, sex, accicident, dream, social media, interaction, job, education, lottery, living condition, murder, suicide & terrorism throughout the day each day."
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