Has Your Anxiety Stopped You From Seeking Help? - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 06:17 PM Thread Starter
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Has Your Anxiety Stopped You From Seeking Help?


Been in a bind for a while now and I think I'm just at this point of fu-k it, and fu-k anxiety. I've been completely home bound for over a year now and a number of things have gone on and I'm ready to take a major leap in my life in moving forward. Finding treatment, moving out from home, therapy, social security in the meantime until I can be a normal human being again..

Can anyone testify that they are in a similar spot or maybe a portion of their life was spent not seeking treatment due to their anxiety. It would be validating and I know i shouldn't feel alone about it but i do.

I would also be interested in hearing the processes that others have taken and being successful as i don't have much support (SO, friends, family).

Thanks

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post #2 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 06:28 PM
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While my anxiety hasn't affected me as severely as you (ex. being home bound, not getting a job), it has prevented from getting help. It still does. I'm scared of people and also feel like I am not worth the help. It gives me anxiety to think about medications to help it, but if I don't I will be stuck like this forever. Sorry I don't have advice, but you're not the only one.
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post #3 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 06:30 PM
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All year, I’ve been wanting to tell my mum that I want to try therapy again, but I don’t like to bring things like that up. I think it’s partly because it’s admitting I need help, and I’ve always been anxious when my problems get mentioned because I feel scared to change because that means I’ll have to do things that will scare me.

I’ve read reviews for therapists in my area, and most sound bad, so it might have to be somewhere else, which I know would be okay. I’m thinking of finding a website about one, screenshotting it, then sending it to her in a message with “Do you think this would be good for me?”. I’m going to make myself do that today, even though it might make me feel nervous. It was brought up a few months ago, and she was happy and thought it was a good idea, but nothing else was said. This week seems like the right week because of something she said last night.

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post #4 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 06:49 PM
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I had to be forced to deal with difficult people, so had no choice but to try to overcome anxiety in social situations. I do use the screw it and do it attitude.

Still make socializing mistakes. But getting better.

I did do free courses on dealing with anxiety, grieving, therapy which helped.

But at the end of the day I learnt that it is you that makes the biggest difference to changing ones life.
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post #5 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 06:49 PM
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What's stopped me have been the experiences I've had in the past with other therapists/psychiatrists. It can be very difficult to find someone suitable. I've had quite a few negative experiences - plus I've had lots of hospital admissions, with more experiences. (not all bad though)

I'm just tired of it all - trying to explain everything to some guy and hoping they'll at least be polite and responsive for starters. Let alone having the skills to be able to help. Plus I hate medication which is what they always insist on for me.
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post #6 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
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While my anxiety hasn't affected me as severely as you (ex. being home bound, not getting a job), it has prevented from getting help. It still does. I'm scared of people and also feel like I am not worth the help. It gives me anxiety to think about medications to help it, but if I don't I will be stuck like this forever. Sorry I don't have advice, but you're not the only one.
@Crisigv , You may not have advice but I appreciate the response and I feel a little less alone with your reassurance about not being the only one.

I can understand your feeling not worth help as well from reasons other than just anxiety. I certainly have felt that way but lately I've been placing a lot of importance in doing things that will make me feel better where I can. Dieting, Exercising, Keeping my space nice, clean and tidy, grooming properly. Self-Care

These are all little things that maybe we don't put as much importance in as we should and it has made me feel better a lot.

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post #7 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 07:10 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Silent Memory View Post
All year, Iíve been wanting to tell my mum that I want to try therapy again, but I donít like to bring things like that up. I think itís partly because itís admitting I need help, and Iíve always been anxious when my problems get mentioned because I feel scared to change because that means Iíll have to do things that will scare me.

Iíve read reviews for therapists in my area, and most sound bad, so it might have to be somewhere else, which I know would be okay. Iím thinking of finding a website about one, screenshotting it, then sending it to her in a message with ďDo you think this would be good for me?Ē. Iím going to make myself do that today, even though it might make me feel nervous. It was brought up a few months ago, and she was happy and thought it was a good idea, but nothing else was said. This week seems like the right week because of something she said last night.
@Silent Memory Admitting there's something wrong might be one of the hardest things to do. I've put off just admitting for a long time. Mainly because I've felt I've been faced with a lot of man up dialogues and just unhelpful reactions to wanting help even cruelty.

Also, sometimes people will use your vulnerabilities against you. I've had a hard time just trying to allow my self to trust others. But, I've been dealing with substance abuse for over a year along side home bound as well and that's why i haven't been active on the forums for a long time. It's at the point where it's not about what others think about me and what needs to happen.

I think the idea of change is scary for anyone you don't need to have an anxiety disorder to feel this way. But, it is definitely not helpful when you have one.

I think maybe you should find something you are comfortable with and CAN change it the meantime that "wont" throw you into a crisis. You'll know when you're ready and maybe that's just what i'm feeling and very tired also.

Whatever you CAN do you should do. I've read a lot of self help books over the years and really just have faced some inner issues i refused to acknowledge. Maybe, I can send some your way and see how you feel about it.

+Also, I think its okay that i'm not okay and I don't have to keep putting on an everything's cool attitude for others all the time.

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post #8 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 07:13 PM
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I haven't experienced extreme anxiety in years. However if I'm in the same room as another person, talking, I notice that my armpits get all sweaty.
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post #9 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 07:15 PM
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I don't have it near as bad as you, but anxiety has made it difficult to do things in life, I have a really hard time with change and forcing myself to do new things. I think meds would make me more relaxed in some cases but I'm scared I'd get hooked on them or messed up. As for therapists I've never been comfortable with talking to anyone about how I truly feel so I avoid that all together. Family keeps me from it too, they don't really believe in anxiety, they just think its all in your head, I guess I've been conditioned to not want that 'label'.
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post #10 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 07:19 PM
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@Crisigv , You may not have advice but I appreciate the response and I feel a little less alone with your reassurance about not being the only one.

I can understand your feeling not worth help as well from reasons other than just anxiety. I certainly have felt that way but lately I've been placing a lot of importance in doing things that will make me feel better where I can. Dieting, Exercising, Keeping my space nice, clean and tidy, grooming properly. Self-Care

These are all little things that maybe we don't put as much importance in as we should and it has made me feel better a lot.
I'm glad I helped in some way. And I'm glad you're finding ways to help yourself. You have to start small, you can't take it all on at once.
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post #11 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 07:25 PM Thread Starter
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What's stopped me have been the experiences I've had in the past with other therapists/psychiatrists. It can be very difficult to find someone suitable. I've had quite a few negative experiences - plus I've had lots of hospital admissions, with more experiences. (not all bad though)

I'm just tired of it all - trying to explain everything to some guy and hoping they'll at least be polite and responsive for starters. Let alone having the skills to be able to help. Plus I hate medication which is what they always insist on for me.
@harrison
I definitely understand where you're coming from with frustration for finding suitable people. I've been caught in that loop in the past before and also understand hospitalization.

I'm pretty much against most medications because I've had several experiences where i was put on things that made me suicidal and my life isn't a joke.

The only pharma medications hat have helped me are benzos and unfortunate people that need them the most run into a lot of roadblocks because others abuse them.

What I am interested in finding are talk therapy, behavioral therapy, support groups in person if i can just get a little more comfortable around others and some financial assistance until i can hold a job. But, i want to start an at home business to. I have a lot of issues with exposure therapy and it has been unhelpful and causes me to have meltdowns.

It's difficult to express my needs a lot due to social anxiety and sometimes it's a bit ridiculous that the same people treating me don't remember that. I need someone to speak for me and even be with me at this point and i wasn't always that way in life.

I understand it's difficult but tell them your uncomfortable with certain meds and why. That's what I'll be doing.

Hope things pan out for you in the future.

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post #12 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 07:43 PM Thread Starter
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I don't have it near as bad as you, but anxiety has made it difficult to do things in life, I have a really hard time with change and forcing myself to do new things. I think meds would make me more relaxed in some cases but I'm scared I'd get hooked on them or messed up. As for therapists I've never been comfortable with talking to anyone about how I truly feel so I avoid that all together. Family keeps me from it too, they don't really believe in anxiety, they just think its all in your head, I guess I've been conditioned to not want that 'label'.
@Excaliber I've heard the it's all just in your head thing but personally this is something I've struggled with majority of my life. I don't think its just in my head especially since I've succumbed to substance abuse in an attempt to self medicate.

I definitely hate talking about how i feel and that's pretty normal for most people in general but is something I've seen as looked down upon for men to do especially. If people just listened instead of made judgments the world would be a better place.

This judgment alone triggers my disorder and its something i have always expected which has hindered my ability to trust others and seek help. I just am at the point where if i don't talk and continue doing what i'm doing i may not be around much longer.

Live Fast, Die Fast; Don't Worry 'Bout the Crash - G.G. Allin
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post #13 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-05-2019, 08:12 PM
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@harrison
I definitely understand where you're coming from with frustration for finding suitable people. I've been caught in that loop in the past before and also understand hospitalization.

I'm pretty much against most medications because I've had several experiences where i was put on things that made me suicidal and my life isn't a joke.

The only pharma medications hat have helped me are benzos and unfortunate people that need them the most run into a lot of roadblocks because others abuse them.

What I am interested in finding are talk therapy, behavioral therapy, support groups in person if i can just get a little more comfortable around others and some financial assistance until i can hold a job. But, i want to start an at home business to. I have a lot of issues with exposure therapy and it has been unhelpful and causes me to have meltdowns.

It's difficult to express my needs a lot due to social anxiety and sometimes it's a bit ridiculous that the same people treating me don't remember that. I need someone to speak for me and even be with me at this point and i wasn't always that way in life.

I understand it's difficult but tell them your uncomfortable with certain meds and why. That's what I'll be doing.

Hope things pan out for you in the future.
Yes I've used benzos a lot in the past - but then had problems with tolerance and side-effects. I still have half a Valium or something sometimes. I know a GP that will give me a script for them.

That must be hard having to have someone with you - sorry to hear that mate. And thanks for the well wishes. Will try to get back to this thread a bit later if that's okay.
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post #14 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-06-2019, 04:01 PM
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I'm glad I helped in some way. And I'm glad you're finding ways to help yourself. You have to start small, you can't take it all on at once.


Just wanted to say your last line is so, so true. I am back to therapy again after several past attempts failed and my current therapist is good so far and he has helped me to use this approach and I have made the tinest steps so far but it is more than I have done in years.

I was feeling worse than I had ever been late last year partly due to a big change at work but other things also. I could barely function and I knew I had to try again. Like I said, I have only made very tiny steps. Also, I have a goal this time...something I really want bad and previously that wasnít the case.


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post #15 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 04:47 AM
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Iíve definitely found trying to discuss anxiety or depression with a GP to be quite anxiety inducing and in the end not helpful at all. I feel like you have to know/trust your doc well to get into all that with any real sense that itíll lead to better things otherwise having awkward experiences trying to get help can really put you off trying for long spells or completely.

With a psych I found therapy sessions werenít really helpful to me not because I was too anxious to open up but rather because I didnít really see my reality outside of the session room lining up with what I was being told to tell myself when I was in them, not to mention when it takes suffering through panic attacks to get and from the appointments thereís only so long anyone will put themselves through that without the sense that thereís an improvement over time
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post #16 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 05:19 AM Thread Starter
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I’ve definitely found trying to discuss anxiety or depression with a GP to be quite anxiety inducing and in the end not helpful at all. I feel like you have to know/trust your doc well to get into all that with any real sense that it’ll lead to better things otherwise having awkward experiences trying to get help can really put you off trying for long spells or completely.

With a psych I found therapy sessions weren’t really helpful to me not because I was too anxious to open up but rather because I didn’t really see my reality outside of the session room lining up with what I was being told to tell myself when I was in them, not to mention when it takes suffering through panic attacks to get and from the appointments there’s only so long anyone will put themselves through that without the sense that there’s an improvement over time
@Canadian Brotha
Thanks for sharing and I get where you're coming from. Additionally, In the past I've felt that the things I say to docs or psychs go in one ear and completely out the other. they nod their heads and do nothing to really help. But, I've came to realize that I've had poor communication skills due to social anxiety.

I've spent a lot of time reading books about communication.. So I'm hoping on some of my upcoming appointments I'm able to express myself in a way that will get me results. One on one with people seems easier for me and pretty much if I'm outside or anywhere there's more than a few people in a room it becomes a sensory overload for me and sends me into panic.

For me I'm just reaching an age where it's getting more and more embarrassing for me to always have someone with me. (Mom, Friend) tag along when I need to take care of some business. At some point my moms going to die and I can't always depend on others. Kinda sucks how things have panned out but I feel some big changes needing to happen or i'll be dead because of substance abuse.

Hope all works out with you.

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post #17 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 01:40 PM
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You're not alone. It took me a long time before I finally caved in and tried to get help. I tried talk therapy. I'm sure it helps some people, but for me it was a total waste of time and money. The whole thing was insulting and embarrassing. I felt like I got scammed. I'm fortunate that there are a couple of people in my life who do care about me, but I don't really have anyone to vent to about personal problems like that, so as far as talking to someone about this stuff goes, I've been on my own for years. I was also always stubborn to not try medication. Eventually I felt helpless enough that I gave in and tried something prescribed to me. It didn't do anything. Where do you go from there? I have made little progress, but all of the progress that I have made has been by myself. So at least from my experience, your strategy of trying to keep yourself busy by taking better care of yourself is the best thing you can do right now. As Crisigv said, it's a good starting point.
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post #18 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-07-2019, 02:11 PM
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No, fortunately. My family is pretty adherent to the idea that therapy and anything remotely psychological or emotional is for the weak and victims, though. Get past it, others have it worse, blah blah blah. The typical language passed down through generations of abuse and invalidation in a family (and society to an extent.) Thankfully, as low as I was, I still had just enough self care to choose to go to therapy (cause at that time my only options seemed to be therapy or suicide cause I was just done- something had to change.) So I chose therapy and it's definitely working for me. It's a lot of work, moreso than I ever thought possible- given I'm basically reprogramming everything I've known/done since I was born and processing a ****load of trauma- but it's sooo worth it. I wish I pursued it earlier, but I was way too indoctrinated by my family to risk it.

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Know your ACE (adverse childhood experiences) score?
Sometimes, SA is a symptom of significant developmental, attachment or interpersonal trauma (emotional neglect counts). If you're still stuck after you've tried SA treatments such as CBT and exposure, research C-PTSD and see if it resonates. Here's an awesome resource. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving
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post #19 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 08:20 AM
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Has Your Anxiety Stopped You From Seeking Help?


Your post couldn't have been timed any better because of what I'm struggling with and because of what I'm trying to work on myself.

To answer your question If you google Social Anxiety the first bit of information you'll see is that most people wait 10 years before getting help (which is funny because this summer marks a decade since being diagnosed with SA for me). This also reminds me of reading a statistic that said that most drug addicts rather suffer for 20 years then to go through 10 days of hell in order to overcome addiction. So yes getting help is extremely difficult. I'm also thinking of getting professional help because I'm starting to truly believe that you can't reason with fear it's too biological and too primitive.

If you ask me the only difference between those who overcome their problems and those who never do in ALL aspects of life and throughout all of history is, ignorance. That's it. So understanding this I asked myself why would I choose to be ignorant? I clearly don't have all of the answers and even if I did fear is a such a biological/primitive issue that I will most likely need exterior assistance to overcome all of my fears. So why do I choose to remain ignorant? And I came to this conclusion:

Ego

We must first learn to manage our ego by doing the opposite of what it wants us to do. A great article about how to kill/manage your ego with recommended books on this topic,
https://www.allenbrouwer.com/how-to-kill-your-ego-2/

Resentment

Managing depression and negativity overall. Healing is also very important.


Shame

This in my opinion is the biggest obstacle towards getting help. As a matter of fact this is what I'm currently trying to understand and to do so I'm reading THE self help book on shame "I thought it was just me (but it isn't) by Brenť Brown". Brenť Brown is arguably the most knowledgeable person on this topic having dedicated most of her career to understanding the topic of shame. The concept of this book is that empathy is what cures shame. What you just did by creating this thread is exactly what is required to build "shame resilience" as she calls it. Understanding that we're not the only ones going through a very specific problem is the fundamental solution to overcoming shame. If anyone's serious about getting help or overcoming shame then this is a must read.

https://brenebrown.com

As I've recently learned vulnerability is a strength not a weakness and you seem to get this, so good luck to ya.







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post #20 of 26 (permalink) Old 06-08-2019, 06:04 PM
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Been in a bind for a while now and I think I'm just at this point of fu-k it, and fu-k anxiety. I've been completely home bound for over a year now and a number of things have gone on and I'm ready to take a major leap in my life in moving forward. Finding treatment, moving out from home, therapy, social security in the meantime until I can be a normal human being again..
In the last few years, I had a good therapist but only saw him every 3 months or so, and see a psychiatrist every 4 months. They are both great, but the bottom line is, there is only so much you can cover with a person. I have been in therapy forever with that person, and he can't fix me. The only real value i guess is just being able to vent, but for 45 minutes every week or month, how much good does that do? I have been to about 900 pro sports games and went to all the best games and even dated gorgeous women briefly, and none of it really made me happy, I am now alone and back to square one. My luck with people completely ran out a few years ago. I would just go on this site and go to message boards and reddit and whatever. Support groups or therapy and psychiatrists like i said, they are very short sessions and they have the next people scheduled right before and after you.

I spent about 7 years never leaving my room and playing video games from about 1995-2003. I was completely terrified of the world. I still am basically but i go to a ton of movies and games and created a business on ebay which takes like 50 or 60 hours a week. I am still miserable as far as not having a social life, but i know what it is like to not see daylight or leave for weeks or months or years basically except for a few exceptions.

You have to go in steps. You can't just do everything all at once. You need to be able to take walks or just go to the park and sit in an isolated spot with headphones or a book. That is like one of the most basic things you can do, or go to a library, if any even exist anymore hehe. You need to get used to physically being around people before you can commit to more involved things. If you don't want to sit in the park for 2 hours, then go for a walk 5 blocks down. Whatever other more detailed plans you have or advice won't mean much if you can't physically leave. You need to make small steps like walk 5 blocks then walk a mile the next week. Just getting advice online is not enough.

Other than that, I have generalized anxiety but the world is a scary place literally, so I don't blame anyone for being scared to face the world. I am still scared, and in this society or any society, you are never really fully safe, especially in a big city, so having anxiety like that is kind of justified
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