Flaky People? - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-10-2020, 08:48 AM
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Yes! It's disheartening. I understand that life happens and unforeseen events may prompt a change in plans. However, consistent cancellations are quite alarming. I'll typically make the effort to fit people into my schedule and reserve my time just for them, so it's quite frustrating when people flake regularly and makes me feel as though the other party does not value our time as much as I do. I've cut a handful of people out of my life because they are "flaky like a (American) biscuit."
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post #22 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-10-2020, 05:18 PM
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I think the 2 factors in this getting to me are A) Do I really value this person, or do they not even interest me or are unlikeable. B) Does the reason seem acceptable or just B.S.?

Looking back on women who stood me up or friends who cancelled, if i actually liked the people, it would crush me. My problem was also my mind and perception was so cloudy, and i often was so desperate, that I was devastated when the lowest of the low people cancelled on me. My point is, most people are not even worth it to begin with. If a great exciting person with a great personality cancelled on me, friend or potential date, that would crush me way worse. Most people are not that way, and don't bring that much to the table to begin with. If the reason seems legit, i guess you could accept that. If it happens too many times, i guess cut them off. Being stood up or cancelled is a pretty good reason for me to never date again, because women who were unattractive and older and heavy and lacking a personality or wit or sense of humor and seemed to have no backup plan were standing me up and making a point in rejecting me and pointing out all my faults. It is like, BE SOMEONE GREAT, before you feel you have earned the right to point out my endless problems and flaws and inadequacies, now you know why i stopped dating. I don't claim to be that awesome, just saying
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post #23 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-10-2020, 07:02 PM
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Nope I don't judge, there's many reasons why someone might be flaky, I'm flaky, people need to do what feels right for them, it's their journey afterall, maybe their/our decisions will eventually lead to heaven or to hell, both need occupants.

Being flaky out of disrespect or malice/indifference is different to being flaky out of being scared or apathetic or anxious though.

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
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post #24 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-18-2020, 05:00 AM
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Some people make plans and don't seem to care to cancel at the last second. The lame excuses are the killer for me.
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post #25 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-18-2020, 05:07 AM
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My sister is a flaky person. But I gave up believing her bullcrap a long time ago.
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post #26 of 26 (permalink) Old 08-18-2020, 07:46 AM
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I've been on both sides of this.

I have an old friend who arranges hang-outs with me frequently, just to cancel them an hour beforehand. In a lot of those cases, I had told other people "I can't come out that day, I have plans", only to have those plans ended for petty reasons. I'm fairly certain I'm the prearranged 'back-up friend' who's only required when their other friends aren't available.

But I can't complain too much, because I've turned down plans with little notice in the past too. Usually when someone bugs me to hang out and I shoot down the offer over and over, usually because that person irritates me, I eventually feel bad and just accept. Only to spend the days leading up to it trying to think of a believable excuse to get out of it.

There was also one case where someone said "you should come hang out at my place this weekend", I said "maybe, I'll think about it". Which he took as a solid "yes, I'll be there". Then, when I didn't show up (mainly because I had completely forgotten the conversation), he asked "why aren't you here? We had plans" and sent insulting messages about my girlfriend at the time. From then onward it was much easier to just flat-out say no to people.
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