First date screw up? - Page 3 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #41 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-12-2020, 04:39 PM
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Originally Posted by Paul View Post
Lots of ancestrally-Asian Californian families have been in California for 150+ years, and don't feel any ethnic identity toward where their great-great-great-great-grandparents lived (which may also have been spread across several countries or continents)... and obviously can't provide any travel advice about the ancestral homelands either. Unfortunately, being a visible minority means a lot of people assume they're from somewhere else.

Perhaps your problem is you don't understand the word you used. You don't have Irish nationality just because you had ancestors in Ireland hundreds of years ago.
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This is something that bothers a lot of people especially Asian Americans. It's because unlike other minority groups like black people they get asked that constantly and treated like they're an outsider in their own country.
And This

Also the way race works in the USA. Is pretty strange... SJWs and certain modern liberals love to complain about "White privilege" and "Whiteness". What they don't realize is that "Whiteness" is a great equalizer that allowed Europeans immigrants to assimilate and become "American".

Although the notion of physical race had always been present in Europe ( eg: Europeans have physical traits that overlap with each other as opposed to Sub-Saharan Africans). The notion of ethno-states was more important up until the end of WW2 with the decline of nationalism.

Picture a group of Europeans from 1930 discussing their nationality.

Frenchman: "I am French"

Italian: "I am Italian"

British: "I am British"

Spaniard: "I am Spanish"

Portuguese: " I am Portuguese"

German #1: " I am German"

German #2: " I am German too"

German #1: " You're not German!"

German #2: " What do you mean? I speak German as does my family and we have lived in Germany as far as I can recall. As a matter of fact my Dad died in the trenches fighting for Germany in WW1"

German #1: " You're a Jew ! You will never be fully German!"

German #2: " ..."


Such notions mattered very little in the States. A German Jew could immigrate to the States and become American and have the same privileges as other Americans under the protection of the new " Pan-European" / "White" concept . In other words once you were in the US you became American you were no longer a * insert offensive word for Pole*, * insert offensive word for German*,* insert offensive word for French*, * insert offensive word for Irish*, etc...

This was not always the case however. The founding fathers had very different beliefs:



One aspect that a lot of this SJWs seems to forget is that non-WASP Whites had it pretty hard during the late 1800s :


^ Notice the depiction of the Irishman holding the knife. And the epitaph below below stating that they are incompatible with American values



^ Catholic church in Maine frequented by French- Canadians set ablaze amidst Anti-Catholic/ Nativist sentiment

I wonder what the ancestors of the SJWs would say about their white privilege which they had to earn with blood and tears...

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post #42 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-16-2020, 10:28 PM
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I would not go near Tinder. I met one woman on Tinder a few years ago and slept with her one time, she was very shady and i am convinced would have robbed my apartment potentially one day if the opportunity presented itself. Tinder is less safe than craigslist personals when that even existed. Tinder you basically need a Facebook profile and that is it. The girl I messaged just met me immediately and didn't ask questions. Tinder is the most dangerous because at least on craigslist you can message someone and get real responses. Tinder i am convinced is for free sex for both parties, but you don't know who you are dealing with. People lie on profiles on Plenty of Fish or other real dating sites, but at least they bothered to fill out profiles and have decent pics. Tinder to me is scary as hell and I think it is just the lure of free sex, but the downside is, the characters you meet will probably be shadier overall than even free dating sites. Even if someone has a horrible profile on a dating site or you see someone else's horrible profile, at least if someone takes the time to fill out a real profile, that at least shows they most likely are not shady or trying to set you up.

Meeting in public is the best way, if not just try a dating site like plenty of fish that is free. You could meet a quality person on Tinder, just very very unlikely.
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post #43 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-20-2020, 09:10 AM Thread Starter
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I would not go near Tinder.
Yea some of the women on Tinder can be questionable. I find sites you have to pay to get on to be better. More serious people are willing to spend a bit of money. Plenty of fish I have meant some pretty shady people as well in my experience
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post #44 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-20-2020, 09:15 AM
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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
Went on a first date today with a woman I meant online. On Tinder.

We meant at a local bar/ reastruant. We sat down at a table. Engaged in a few questions of small talk. I think I screwed up when I asked "Where are you from originally? She responds "Im American. Im from California." I say "No I mean your nationality. "You look Asian?" She dosent say a world gets up and pays the waitress for her coffee who had just brought it over walks and out the door.

Fair to say I pissed her off. I was not trying to be rude or anything. I was a little nervous and just trying to make conversation. I asked about her ethnicity I was not sure about where she was from. She appeared Asian but I wasant sure. Anyway I asked the question because I was going to follow it up with a question about me possibly traveling to an Asian country. So guess I wanted some travel advice about which Asian country to visit.

So is it considered to be very rude to ask about someone's nationality? I thought the response of just getting up and walking out was a big overreaction. I would not have been offended if she asked me my nationality. But then again im white and of English / Irish descent so perhaps that makes a difference. I don't know?

Anyway texted her after she left told her I meant no offense and apologized. She never responded back and blocked me. So that is that.

So was I completely out of line or did she completely over react? My guess would be its a bit of both. What do you think so I can avoid putting my foot in my mouth in the future
She clearly has issues if that triggered her. You're lucky you got away from her!

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post #45 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-20-2020, 09:18 AM Thread Starter
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She clearly has issues if that triggered her. You're lucky you got away from her!
My thoughts exactly. I may not have asked the question in the most artful and proper way but her reaction was way overboard
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post #46 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-20-2020, 09:19 AM
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My thoughts exactly. I may not have asked the question in the most artful and proper way but her reaction was way overboard
She's a nut. If she got that offended by a simple question (that isn't rude to ask- people ask me that too and I have anxiety lol)....and she just walks away without expressing anything?

Yea, you dodged a bullet by her leaving!

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post #47 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-21-2020, 06:24 AM
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That was complete drama. All her fault. Don't let it make you feel bad.

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post #48 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-21-2020, 09:17 PM
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Yea some of the women on Tinder can be questionable. I find sites you have to pay to get on to be better. More serious people are willing to spend a bit of money. Plenty of fish I have meant some pretty shady people as well in my experience
Yea, I only paid about $80 for OKCupid around 2012 when i first started online dating. From about 2014 or so, i barely tried at all on dating sites, no faith that it ever works out or faith in people in general, combined with laziness and lack of patience.

Tinder I actually would have kept trying but you need a Facebook profile with a picture at the very least for Tinder to even work. I have a blank Facebook account because i don't want my info out there, so Tinder would constantly freeze on me and Tinder would delete my pic. Plenty of Fish I met some very shady people but the only real difference is that Tinder from what I noticed, very few questions are asked so you could just meet complete strangers without any background info. I am past the point of caring, I mean I would never get a hooker but I would sleep with very trashy women depending on how drunk i was. I still would prefer a meaningful relationship or whatever but you can't have everything.

I don't think paying for a site would guarantee you more quality women or more trustworthy women overall, or increase your chances of finding someone. The only way paying helps is like with Match dot com, you actually HAVE TO PAY to even open an account, and that is I think the #1 site. Other than that, so much luck is involved.

My best chance is messaging like 50 new women a day cutting and pasting the same message. I do this now maybe 5 times a year, but you have a better chance messaging hoardes of women with the same copy and paste message (change it after using it one time) than writing any unique message. Women's inboxes are so flooded that all you can do is play the numbers game. If they respond, then you can write unique messages.
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post #49 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-23-2020, 06:10 PM Thread Starter
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Had a first date today with another woman. Cute lady. She was from the middle east. Iran. Came here when she was 18. She is 37 now. She didn't seem to have a problem or get offended talking about where she was from and her home country. So the first lady I posted about was pretty much just way over sensitive. Most women are not nut jobs like her
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post #50 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-23-2020, 06:15 PM
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Did you also ask her where she was from originally
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post #51 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-23-2020, 06:31 PM Thread Starter
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Did you also ask her where she was from originally
I meant it online and her profile said Muslim so I new she was from the middle east. And if I remember correctly I just asked which county she was born and raised. Good conversation and no issues so I must have been more tactful in my question or she just was not a nutjob like the first one
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post #52 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 07:05 AM
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People have went above and beyond trying to show you her perspective on what happened, yet you still seem incredibly defensive and dense about it.

The world is not my home. I'm just passing through.
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post #53 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 07:30 AM
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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
Had a first date today with another woman. Cute lady. She was from the middle east. Iran. Came here when she was 18. She is 37 now. She didn't seem to have a problem or get offended talking about where she was from and her home country. So the first lady I posted about was pretty much just way over sensitive. Most women are not nut jobs like her
Some show their true colors later on, too.

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post #54 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 07:53 AM
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Originally Posted by chrisinmd View Post
Had a first date today with another woman. Cute lady. She was from the middle east. Iran. Came here when she was 18. She is 37 now. She didn't seem to have a problem or get offended talking about where she was from and her home country. So the first lady I posted about was pretty much just way over sensitive. Most women are not nut jobs like her
Some show their true colors later on, too.

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post #55 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 09:11 AM
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I suppose dating is like shooting a bow and arrow. You have to miss the target a number of times in order to hit the bullseye. A lot of life is about experience. Even though the date didn't work out you can cross one conversational question off your list. Carry on.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #56 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 09:17 AM
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People have went above and beyond trying to show you her perspective on what happened, yet you still seem incredibly defensive and dense about it.
Yeah, I hadn't realized you'd had a second date when I originally commented. Don't disregard the lesson you can still learn from the first date.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #57 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 09:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Eternal Solitude View Post
^ This



And This

Also the way race works in the USA. Is pretty strange... SJWs and certain modern liberals love to complain about "White privilege" and "Whiteness". What they don't realize is that "Whiteness" is a great equalizer that allowed Europeans immigrants to assimilate and become "American".
I suppose the question is whether non native-European people can ever be white, but it seems so to some extent when people chuck around words like oreo or twinkie. And some black British people aren't as black as black American people:


Well most of politics and social issues is a question of heterogeneity vs homogeneity or separation vs merging with others (in other words a macrocosmic schizoid dilemma.) And there aren't really easy answers to that.

I mean you don't just see it with liberals, you also see it with segments of the right. They both think that culture(s) must be preserved at all costs like endangered species but the far-right's method for this is ethnonationalism and they're also more concerned with genetic racial groupings (at the extreme ends breaking down to smaller and smaller racial tribes,) and the left's approach is just to... Complain about cultural appropriation I guess? (I know some are also worried about one sided assimilation which is often going to happen because of how hierarchy works but their approach is often counterproductive and you can tell some just want to preserve culture at all costs which I actually don't consider very leftist in many ways despite those people getting described that way but there you go.) You have the opposite too where people are more interested in forming a nationalistic group based around a broader definition of 'being a real American [insert other country here for other countries]' and the left does a similar thing tending to unify around ideas or class structures instead of nationalism. Most groups only unify if they have a common enemy though.
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post #58 of 59 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 09:34 AM
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Had a first date today with another woman. Cute lady. She was from the middle east. Iran. Came here when she was 18. She is 37 now. She didn't seem to have a problem or get offended talking about where she was from and her home country. So the first lady I posted about was pretty much just way over sensitive. Most women are not nut jobs like her
She could have handled it differently but I wouldn't call her a nutjob.

I'd imagine there's a difference between someone who sounds like they could be a third or fourth generation asian-american and someone who imigrated at 18.

The first woman told you outright that she identifies as "an American," just another girl from the Golden State looking for a nice guy (I'm an asian who grew up in a non-asian country, too, and I don't think any asian ever misunderstands the "where are you from" question. We know perfectly well what you are asking, so if you don't get the answer you are looking for, it's best to move on. Never do the "No, I mean where are you from from?" thing - the angry ones may just try out their karate moves on you ).

That being said, we know you mean well . Sorry you had to experience it.
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post #59 of 59 (permalink) Old 03-10-2020, 08:01 AM Thread Starter
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People have went above and beyond trying to show you her perspective on what happened, yet you still seem incredibly defensive and dense about it.
Not defensive and dense about it. Just posted about the next date I had with another woman in a similar situation to show the contrast in their reactions.
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