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post #21 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 01:00 PM
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This is something that bothers a lot of people especially Asian Americans. It's because unlike other minority groups like black people they get asked that constantly and treated like they're an outsider in their own country.


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Anyway I asked the question because I was going to follow it up with a question about me possibly traveling to an Asian country. So guess I wanted some travel advice about which Asian country to visit.
That would definitely have been a bad idea.

Anyway I wouldn't take it personally, you don't know her backstory. Just chalk it up to incompatibility and move along.

Surprised she walked out straight after that I suppose but she might have been having a bad day. Normally I think she would have continued the date and then ghosted you later but the outcome is the same either way and at least this way you know what bothered her instead of her mysteriously vanishing I guess.

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post #22 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 01:22 PM
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Overreaction for sure, but the question was kinda careless I guess. I know you definitely didn't mean ill, but the last thing she wants to feel is that she is some sort of import from another country. Thank god you didn't get to the followup question, because that one was even worse, lmao.

Did she have to get up and storm out? Hell no. She was definitely being a ***** about it. It's not like you asked her when her last period was, lmfao. BUT, maybe she's heard that question and it's many variants fatiguingly often and is tired of that being a talking point. Also, you gotta realize a lot of white guys fetishize "asians" and maybe you rang some alarm bells in her head, even if you didn't mean to.


How did the interactions before the date on Tinder go? Seems like the meetup was a bit rushed if you guys hit it off so poorly on the actual date. You'd think you'd sense that she was touchy before then. I don't know.

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post #23 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 03:09 PM
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Now I'm wondering if this had to do with the Coronavirus. I've heard reports of Americans avoiding all Asians and Asian owned establishments because of the hysteria.
She still could have said something though if she thought you were hinting at that. She was rude to just walk away.
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post #24 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 03:30 PM
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Now I'm wondering if this had to do with the Coronavirus. I've heard reports of Americans avoiding all Asians and Asian owned establishments because of the hysteria.
She still could have said something though if she thought you were hinting at that. She was rude to just walk away.
Really? I had crab rangoons the other day. I guess I put myself at risk for the delicious goodness lol

Anyway...I've gotten asked a few times if I'm Asian (especially when I straighten my hair). Actually at work there was a patient poking fun at one of my Vietnamese coworkers and one of *my* patients wanted to apologize to me about that because he thought I was Asian as well lol.

I don't take it as an offense...even though I'm Hispanic. I'm sure I've got some Asian ancestors in the mix there. My grandparents on my dads side actually look pretty Asian.

My point is... the question in itself is not offensive and it's a weird way to react to it. However idk what your tone was like or how you looked at her or your body language. But just based on the question, it's a strange reaction from her.

And even if it did offend her...it would of been a good moment for her to educate you on what nationality vs ethnicity vs race is. Awkward first date conversation though lol
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post #25 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 03:36 PM
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Went on a first date today with a woman I meant online. On Tinder.

We meant at a local bar/ reastruant. We sat down at a table. Engaged in a few questions of small talk. I think I screwed up when I asked "Where are you from originally? She responds "Im American. Im from California." I say "No I mean your nationality. "You look Asian?" She dosent say a world gets up and pays the waitress for her coffee who had just brought it over walks and out the door.

Fair to say I pissed her off. I was not trying to be rude or anything. I was a little nervous and just trying to make conversation. I asked about her ethnicity I was not sure about where she was from. She appeared Asian but I wasant sure. Anyway I asked the question because I was going to follow it up with a question about me possibly traveling to an Asian country. So guess I wanted some travel advice about which Asian country to visit.

So is it considered to be very rude to ask about someone's nationality? I thought the response of just getting up and walking out was a big overreaction. I would not have been offended if she asked me my nationality. But then again im white and of English / Irish descent so perhaps that makes a difference. I don't know?

Anyway texted her after she left told her I meant no offense and apologized. She never responded back and blocked me. So that is that.

So was I completely out of line or did she completely over react? My guess would be its a bit of both. What do you think so I can avoid putting my foot in my mouth in the future
How long did the conversion go on before she left you? I honestly don't think that was the reason she walked out.

"No I mean your nationality. "You look Asian? To be honest, you look just the way I like you to look "
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post #26 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 05:31 PM
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Now I'm wondering if this had to do with the Coronavirus. I've heard reports of Americans avoiding all Asians and Asian owned establishments because of the hysteria.
She still could have said something though if she thought you were hinting at that. She was rude to just walk away.
Oh yeah over here some people have been physically and verbally harassed and also had eggs thrown at them. There was some guy on twitter from California who apparently got chucked out of a bar. Some places openly refusing service to Asians too but probably not in America.

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post #27 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 05:42 PM
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Oh yeah over here some people have been physically and verbally harassed and also had eggs thrown at them. There was some guy on twitter from California who apparently got chucked out of a bar. Some places openly refusing service to Asians too but probably not in America.
You're from the UK right? It's gotta be the weirdest country I've ever heard of. 😜

Who the **** does that **** without getting shot? I guess this is what happens when you ban all guns.

Not really joking, but I don't mean it personally. You don't come off that way yourself.
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post #28 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 05:48 PM
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You're from the UK right? It's gotta be the weirdest country I've ever heard of. 😜

Who the **** does that **** without getting shot? I guess this is what happens when you ban all guns.

Not really joking, but I don't mean it personally. You don't come off that way yourself.
Yeah I'm from the UK. Well it is a pretty weird country, although I guess in different ways most countries are. Kind of cute really I suppose, you get people chucking milkshakes at protests and then people taking it as seriously as gun violence in the US.



We do have a lot of knife crime though.

edit: also people do get a hold of guns over here, but they're mostly used in drug/gang crime circles. If you go magnet fishing you can find weapons that people dump in lakes and other bodies of water and there are like knives, swords, guns, crossbows.

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post #29 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 06:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Chevy396 View Post
You're from the UK right? It's gotta be the weirdest country I've ever heard of. 😜

Who the **** does that **** without getting shot? I guess this is what happens when you ban all guns.

Not really joking, but I don't mean it personally. You don't come off that way yourself.
Yeah I'm from the UK. Well it is a pretty weird country, although I guess in different ways most countries are. Kind of cute really I suppose, you get people chucking milkshakes at protests and then people taking it as seriously as gun violence in the US.



We do have a lot of knife crime though.

edit: also people do get a hold of guns over here, but they're mostly used in drug/gang crime circles. If you go magnet fishing you can find weapons that people dump in lakes and other bodies of water and there are like knives, swords, guns, crossbows.
I kind of get it, at least it's not usually as fatal or final when you guys fight. Not too long ago all I did was cut in front of some off duty cop looking guy to get into the corner store faster. He got in my face and kept bumping into me. I knew he was trying to get me to "assault" him back so he could legally pull his gun on me. I just kept telling him not to touch me and staring at his gun so I could put it in his own gut and get him to pull the trigger on himself as soon as he started pulling it. I started training myself to do that as soon as I sold all my guns.

I guess we are pretty sick in the head, but I know if I were carrying my gun he wouldn't have even tried it. Something about a magnum (bigger) gun that punks those guys down. Kind of like having a bigger dick.

My main concern here is getting drawn into a fight with those guys and then you get thirty years in prison just for being faster/better than them. Sometimes I wish I could hurl eggs at them, but I've mostly just tried to get better at talking **** instead.
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post #30 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 06:42 PM
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You meant well but you probably could have asked it a different way i.e "So where did you grow up?" further into the night but I imagine she took offense after she told you she was American and you proceeded with telling her she looked Asian. Maybe she was weirded out and thought you had yellow fever I don't feel like she over reacted per say but she could've been more tactful.

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post #31 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-10-2020, 07:13 PM
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How do you know that wasnt her plan? To just walk out no matter what you did. Some people just like to play games. Ask yourself truly and remember the situation, do you really think what you did justifies a reason for her to walk out on you like that because as an Asian American person myself, when people ask me where Im from, sometimes I respond with New York bla bla but then they will ask cause they really wanted to know my ethnicity by asking where my family is from or flat out ask me my ethnicity which I dont think ive ever been offended by.

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post #32 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 08:52 AM Thread Starter
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no screw up. date success. natural result. incompatibility exposed.
Good way of looking at it. Guess im glad she left before I had to spend any money on her.
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post #33 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 08:55 AM Thread Starter
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How long did the conversion go on before she left you? I honestly don't think that was the reason she walked out.

"No I mean your nationality. "You look Asian? To be honest, you look just the way I like you to look "
We had just sat down so just a couple minutes. Just said some basic intro questions such as how was your weekend going. It did seem a little bit of a forced conversation so we were probably not a good match to begin with
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post #34 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 09:02 AM Thread Starter
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How long did the conversion go on before she left you? I honestly don't think that was the reason she walked out.

"No I mean your nationality. "You look Asian? To be honest, you look just the way I like you to look "
We had just sat down so just a couple minutes. Just said some basic intro questions such as how was your weekend going. It did seem a little bit of a forced conversation so we were probably not a good match to begin with
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post #35 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 09:06 AM Thread Starter
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Ask yourself truly and remember the situation, do you really think what you did justifies a reason for her to walk out on you like that because as an Asian American person myself, when people ask me where Im from, sometimes I respond with New York bla bla but then they will ask cause they really wanted to know my ethnicity by asking where my family is from or flat out ask me my ethnicity which I dont think ive ever been offended by.

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No I think it was a big over reaction. I probably didn't word my question perfectly or time it right but she could have just politely corrected me or changed the subject. Where I was going to go with the question is if she said she was Japanese I would have asked her about Japan. If she has ever visited and how she liked it?
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post #36 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 09:12 AM Thread Starter
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Overreaction for sure, but the question was kinda careless I guess. I know you definitely didn't mean ill, but the last thing she wants to feel is that she is some sort of import from another country. Thank god you didn't get to the followup question, because that one was even worse, lmao.
Why do you think my follow up question was even worse? I always talk about travel and each others favorite travel spots on dates. Seems to work well for the most part
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post #37 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 10:44 AM
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Why do you think my follow up question was even worse? I always talk about travel and each others favorite travel spots on dates. Seems to work well for the most part
Because the question and driving force behind it are full of generalizations. 'She's Asian, therefore she must know a lot about Asian countries. I'm gonna ask her travel advice on the subject.'

That line of thinking would annoy anyone, to be honest. Especially since she kinda hinted she didn't want to be identified as 'Asian' when she said, "I'm American. I'm from Cali".

The first question was maybe forgivably dense, the follow-up you had in mind would've been criminally so, lmao.

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post #38 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-11-2020, 02:41 PM
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She said she was American so asking her about travel advice to Asia just because her ethnicity may be Asian doesn't necessarily work. She may never have been to an Asian country in all her life lol

Better question for that would be "do you travel a lot?"
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post #39 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-12-2020, 02:04 AM
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Probably nothing in her past to trigger her just a negative connotation about you mentioning she looks asian. But looks like you dodged a bullet with that one. If she's gonna walk out on you over that it was only going to get worse from then. Offending someone is a good way to weed out the insecure psycho b****s. Plus remember she's probably realized she over reacted and now to embarrassed to cross paths with you again.
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post #40 of 51 (permalink) Old 02-12-2020, 05:03 PM
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no screw up. date success. natural result. incompatibility exposed.
i agree.
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