Feeling Suicidal After Every Social Rejection - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-01-2020, 03:45 PM Thread Starter
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First of all your stuttering may be an issue for you but its not something to kill yourself over. Life is to valuable. As long as you can some find some joy on a daily basis you have something to live for. Keep trying to stay positive. Its difficult but better days will be ahead if you set some small goals everyday. Work to achieve them and after a while you will be in a much better situation.

I had a stutter when I was younger as well. Seen a speech therapist when I was in grade school. Seemed to help me. Perhaps give that a try.

Here is some good advice Former Vice President Joe Biden had about stuttering that he suffered from in his youth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWn1CkIU_rc
That was a good speech
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post #22 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-02-2020, 02:20 AM Thread Starter
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My awkward social interactions is probably the number one reason why I'm tempted to kill myself. Because I never feel like I fit in. I don't feel important enough to live.
Don't say that. Being awkward in social interactions is perfectly fine......as long as you do what you have you have to do and say what you have to say, it really doesn't matter how you do it.

Most adults know what social awkwardness is and don't react negative to it. It's something which is only an issue in high school and middle school.
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post #23 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-02-2020, 07:55 PM
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Don't say that. Being awkward in social interactions is perfectly fine......as long as you do what you have you have to do and say what you have to say, it really doesn't matter how you do it.

Most adults know what social awkwardness is and don't react negative to it. It's something which is only an issue in high school and middle school.
I'm a Custodian for a School, and I tried to make small talk with some of the teachers. I got into trouble for it, and my boss suggested to me, to only say "Hi" and "Bye". That suggestion was made to me 17 years ago. Not much has changed in all those years. I got to be extremely careful what I say.
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post #24 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-02-2020, 08:49 PM
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what problem is a stutter? or to be quiet? none! the people are idiots. better to want to kill them all.
Begin with me!

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
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post #25 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-02-2020, 10:16 PM
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Begin with me!

i'm afraid i'm not the assassin i make myself out to be

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
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post #26 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-03-2020, 12:23 AM Thread Starter
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I'm a Custodian for a School, and I tried to make small talk with some of the teachers. I got into trouble for it, and my boss suggested to me, to only say "Hi" and "Bye". That suggestion was made to me 17 years ago. Not much has changed in all those years. I got to be extremely careful what I say.
I'm not gonna lie, there are people out there who are judgemental and don't like socially awkward people....not everyone is like that. There'll always be someone out there who won't accept you or like you no matter who you are and what traits you have. And you shouldn't take their thoughts or opinions seriously.

Did anything else happen apart from your boss telling you that? Did someone else say something?
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post #27 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-03-2020, 02:32 AM
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outwardly looks, appearances... impressions
ONLY?
clothes
grade

All for me to judge humans: intelligence
no sign of education, inept vocab or grammar

whole lifelong path crib to grave

primary school level: how all humans operate
i expected too much?
after further education environment

wordsworth

encountering humans, they say:"YOU"! why we on this planet? will it change? it just got worse since 1990s.

OGRES, Demons, threats. NO Treats, rewards, gains, pleasures, NO Reality! All made-up fantasy of TV gigglers & utmost happiness everywhere.
Me hardwearing. bearing conflict. be nice? no blade attack at night, some grungey corner? everyone's nice? go out? blink? grin? every street a Forced HEllo!! kids and all do it. tooo boring. i not operate at machinecode level. ping. why doesn't he say back at us when we all say hello? does that confuse them? when i offer boss.. want a coffee too? No thanks? or a pint?

surely..come on.. some level of sophisication.. anti- it's xxx or this/that? You? HOWWW RRR UUU? the... speak to Prime Minister, Queen, princes or princesses? i expect to be at their level. i just never say "it or hello or YOU!"

More.. how'z the CERN? been successful? experience of Hadron?
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post #28 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-03-2020, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by DukeDuck View Post
I'm not gonna lie, there are people out there who are judgemental and don't like socially awkward people....not everyone is like that. There'll always be someone out there who won't accept you or like you no matter who you are and what traits you have. And you shouldn't take their thoughts or opinions seriously.

Did anything else happen apart from your boss telling you that? Did someone else say something?
This is what happened and this is how I feel, based on many years of observation and negative experiences.

Two different teachers complained about me. Just last year, a teacher told me that I'm good at making people feel uncomfortable. There is a difference between making someone feel uncomfortable on purpose, or not on purpose. I make people feel uncomfortable without trying to make them feel that way. Seems to be an issue with my personality and body language. I don't think these people like me. I think they tolerate me. The only other place I'm around people is at Church. My Church is full of the same type of people I work around. I've always had trouble, starting as far back as Elementary School. That is why I'm saying I'm just messed up, and there is nothing that can be done to fix me. You can't fix personalities. I think to fix a personality would change you into someone else. Sorry about the rant, but I've been dealing with this my whole life. I'm used to people disliking me for nothing more then me being me. I always try to be kind.
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post #29 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-03-2020, 08:02 AM
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You aren't a joke. Plus you're not alone in that, I had a speech impediment when I was around 4-5 and had to go to speech therapy I wasn't pronouncing words properly. While I'm "cured" whenever I'm anxious (specifically reading aloud, or giving a presentation) it can easily trigger it & my words get jammed up. And I've had loads of people give me looks, or laugh at me for it. It's physically and emotionally painful too b/c I have 0 control of it. It feels very neurological. Like I can't say what I want, which than frustrates me and makes me upset/embarrassed.

So I get how aggravating it is but it's not worth harming yourself or ending your life. That's for certain. I feel like it's simple to say don't care what other people think. But fuc* the people who stare at you rudely, or laugh, it speaks more volumes of what kind of person they are vs. you. I'd rather have my crummy speech impediment than be a POS human being with 0 empathy or understanding for others. I'm just saying.

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post #30 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-03-2020, 02:00 PM
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What you're experiencing sounds a bit like PTSD. Have you talked to someone about it?
yes. i saw a therapist when i was younger, which helped. i recommend therapy for anyone going through problems because it can help clear your head.

i think classifying it as ptsd might be too strong but i think bullying can have a really life long, negative effect people. ..part of my problem was really bad acne rosacea, which as only started to slightly calm down a few years ago.. im in my 30s. ive had lots of bad experiences with strangers. (people tend to be quite cruel to others with acne or skin problems as its seen as self inflicted).
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post #31 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-03-2020, 04:29 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by I_Exist View Post
This is what happened and this is how I feel, based on many years of observation and negative experiences.

Two different teachers complained about me. Just last year, a teacher told me that I'm good at making people feel uncomfortable. There is a difference between making someone feel uncomfortable on purpose, or not on purpose. I make people feel uncomfortable without trying to make them feel that way. Seems to be an issue with my personality and body language. I don't think these people like me. I think they tolerate me. The only other place I'm around people is at Church. My Church is full of the same type of people I work around. I've always had trouble, starting as far back as Elementary School. That is why I'm saying I'm just messed up, and there is nothing that can be done to fix me. You can't fix personalities. I think to fix a personality would change you into someone else. Sorry about the rant, but I've been dealing with this my whole life. I'm used to people disliking me for nothing more then me being me. I always try to be kind.
I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. You're right, you shouldn't try to change your personality. That's just outright wrong.

But it would help to look into the issue and find out what exactly is going on. It might not be your personality that's the problem, but something else. Maybe something that's getting in the way of your personality? That's what social awkwardness is in my book. Something that's blocking you from being your natural self.

I feel like you've not given enough details here so I don't know exactly what the issues are. But something that's always helped me is analyzing myself. Not in a critical way, but in a passive way. It's hard to do that just on your own. You need an aid like a friend who's honest with you, or you can rely on technology. In my case, since I have a speech impediment....recording my voice with a recorded has given me good oversight of my voice.
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post #32 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-03-2020, 06:24 PM Thread Starter
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You aren't a joke. Plus you're not alone in that, I had a speech impediment when I was around 4-5 and had to go to speech therapy I wasn't pronouncing words properly. While I'm "cured" whenever I'm anxious (specifically reading aloud, or giving a presentation) it can easily trigger it & my words get jammed up. And I've had loads of people give me looks, or laugh at me for it. It's physically and emotionally painful too b/c I have 0 control of it. It feels very neurological. Like I can't say what I want, which than frustrates me and makes me upset/embarrassed.

So I get how aggravating it is but it's not worth harming yourself or ending your life. That's for certain. I feel like it's simple to say don't care what other people think. But fuc* the people who stare at you rudely, or laugh, it speaks more volumes of what kind of person they are vs. you. I'd rather have my crummy speech impediment than be a POS human being with 0 empathy or understanding for others. I'm just saying.
Well you'll be glad to know that if its something that only happens during presentations and reading aloud, it's not neurological That's psychological. If it were neurological, it would be happen all the time regardless of what the context of talking is.

I'm not upset because of how people look at me or if they make fun of me. I'm just upset because of my difficulty of functioning. When I see other people have conversations easily and meet new people, I just wish I could do the same.
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post #33 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-03-2020, 06:33 PM
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I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. That guy at the store who gave you that rude comments...he is just a very rude person. I know what its like to get that suicidal feeling when feeling rejected. I am very sensitive to criticism and being yelled at or talked down to. I try hard to be positive and strong. It can be hard. But just know there are many people who feel the same way you do. We have to be strong and fight this. If you ever want to you can message me.
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post #34 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-04-2020, 11:27 AM
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The only thing I can offer is that I feel pretty much the same. Stuttering is the bane of my social existence and has damaged my confidence a lot. It's like I get to choose between seeming weird for being quite or seeming weird for not being able to talk like everyone else. It's such a dehumanizing thing to be around other people but not feel like a person because you can't interact with them well.
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post #35 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-04-2020, 12:59 PM Thread Starter
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yes. i saw a therapist when i was younger, which helped. i recommend therapy for anyone going through problems because it can help clear your head.

i think classifying it as ptsd might be too strong but i think bullying can have a really life long, negative effect people. ..part of my problem was really bad acne rosacea, which as only started to slightly calm down a few years ago.. im in my 30s. ive had lots of bad experiences with strangers. (people tend to be quite cruel to others with acne or skin problems as its seen as self inflicted).
Yeah classifying it as PTSD might be too strong, but personal experiences like that leave a mark and changes the way we view the world. Me personally, I don't understand this kind of bullying at all......bullying someone for their appearance. I don't know your personal experience, so I can't comment though. I've never viewed acne as a self inflicted problem or thought of anyone badly because of acne or anything else.

I should tell you that I also struggle with dirty looks a lot and I often read into people's facial expressions. You should know that sometimes we can enter a hostile mindset when it comes to gauging other people's reactions and we just see our own hostility reflected back to us. Sometimes a dirty look doesn't mean anything at all....they might be just thinking of a fight they had with someone and you caught them at the wrong moment.
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post #36 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-04-2020, 01:01 PM Thread Starter
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I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. That guy at the store who gave you that rude comments...he is just a very rude person. I know what its like to get that suicidal feeling when feeling rejected. I am very sensitive to criticism and being yelled at or talked down to. I try hard to be positive and strong. It can be hard. But just know there are many people who feel the same way you do. We have to be strong and fight this. If you ever want to you can message me.
Aww thanks That guy at the store did not say anything to me though. It was just a look on his face that I read into.
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post #37 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-05-2020, 07:35 PM
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That doesn't look bizarre at all. A lot of people go solo to events, restaurants, etc. And I don't think anyone notices a person sitting alone and goes '' Hey look at that guy, he's alone! ''....it's something that doesn't even cross most people's minds.



I don't know what area of work your online business is, but from what I know some areas are extremely competitive. Are you able to make a living out of it?

Those popular stutterers you talked about.....are they severe stutterers or was it just a mild stutter?

As far as I know there's no cure for stuttering. It's something that just goes up and down. When I was younger, it wasn't that bad. But in adulthood there are so many things at play that weren't there in childhood. Childhood was nice and simple.
Well you have to understand, i have gone to probably 400 or more sporting events alone and maybe 300 or more movies alone. The movies is not as anxiety-provoking. The games is more difficult because they have flashing lights and loud blasting music and everyone around you is drinking and with people and eating and laughing. I don't drink at all for a long time because all i would drink now is beer and just to maintain my weight, I have to basically eat once a day so i can't drink beer. I am also sneaking down into the best seats and lower levels of all these stadiums and arenas so I can't even get up to pee for 3 hours because they are checking tickets.

I could never eat a restaurant alone for some reason. I have done it probably no more than 2 or 3 times. The other bigger problem with being alone in public is I am alone all the time, so I feel people can read me that i am a weirdo creep loner. If I had a friend or girlfriend, i think i could justify going out alone a lot better.

My business is doing very well, but if i expanded to a premium store, i could list more items and make a lot more money, but then I couldn't have time to go to games and movies. I can make a living with it, but could make a much better living if i upgraded my store, but that would also mean being stuck here inside shipping ads and magazines all day and night. I have no one helping me or would do it as precisely as i do. If I had help I probably would just upgrade the store.

I think as far as stuttering, even if you are fighting to get the words out, if you can finally get the phrase or sentence out, I don't see it as that big a deal. If you stutter, some people will pick on you, but people will pick on anything. I remember some kids when i was younger who would stutter and then quickly burst the words out all at once, and I didn't see it as that big an issue. I assume if you want to get out a phrase and you stutter for 5 seconds or so, and then get it out, I would not see that as a big obstacle, that is IF you have very high self-confidence. I think if it a major issue for YOU, and then you stutter, it will then be a much bigger issue for everyone else. Even if your stutter is horrible, you still i am sure could have a decent social life and have a girlfriend or a friend or 2.
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post #38 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-05-2020, 07:58 PM
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I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. You're right, you shouldn't try to change your personality. That's just outright wrong.

But it would help to look into the issue and find out what exactly is going on. It might not be your personality that's the problem, but something else. Maybe something that's getting in the way of your personality? That's what social awkwardness is in my book. Something that's blocking you from being your natural self.

I feel like you've not given enough details here so I don't know exactly what the issues are. But something that's always helped me is analyzing myself. Not in a critical way, but in a passive way. It's hard to do that just on your own. You need an aid like a friend who's honest with you, or you can rely on technology. In my case, since I have a speech impediment....recording my voice with a recorded has given me good oversight of my voice.
I have no idea how to reply to this. Self Analyzing is something I do all day long. I haven't had any friends since Elementary School. That is if you could call them friends. I've written about my problems a lot. In my experience it is impossible to give enough details. The more details you give the less people will read it. I've been through a lot of stuff.
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post #39 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-05-2020, 10:03 PM Thread Starter
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I have no idea how to reply to this. Self Analyzing is something I do all day long. I haven't had any friends since Elementary School. That is if you could call them friends. I've written about my problems a lot. In my experience it is impossible to give enough details. The more details you give the less people will read it. I've been through a lot of stuff.
I'd be happy to help and offer advice, if you want.

Constructive self analyzing is okay.....but not harsh critical self analyzing where you are constantly punishing yourself.
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post #40 of 45 (permalink) Old 03-05-2020, 11:36 PM
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I felt socially rejected from jobs and overall human interaction, because all the effort that I put into interaction never made any change in receiving social support for a career. It makes me doubtful on living up to my expectations that I thought of when I was a kid. When I was a child I planned on having a house, a car, a partner, and a career. My environment fought harder than my expectations to isolate my opportunities in being a social individual that can have a living of taking part of humanity. I feel not part of humanity social standards, but as more of a person who dropped out of humanity social structure that live in pure isolation and darkest misery. My personal space is restricted and more concerned about reducing all my stimulating activities. I have no time for myself to relax or concentration.

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