Feeling Suicidal After Every Social Rejection - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #1 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 02:50 PM Thread Starter
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Feeling Suicidal After Every Social Rejection


By social rejection, I mean any time you feel ostracized because of however it is that you are and whatever trait you have that makes you feel like you're not like everybody else and can't function in society the way everyone else can.

I try my best to remain positive and keep my chin up...……..but whenever I face any negative social encounter, I get this feeling like I'm fighting a pointless war and I would be better off...….I don't even want to type it (I'm a little superstitious).

So far I haven't actually made any attempts to hurt myself, but I keep getting sudden onsets of this hopeless dark feeling like there's no point in me living. And this pretty much happens after every social rejection.

The main culprit of this is my stutter. I have a severe stutter and it makes talking almost impossible. I had the stutter since I was 5 but it was never that bad. I was still able to talk to people and make friends relatively easy. It keeps varying.....in fact it even went away for a few years. Stutters are not that rare, there are people who have it and still function. But It's become bad now after years of self loathing, heightened anxiety, SA, fear, horrible self esteem, living in isolation (and not getting accustomed to that), etc.

I really envy everybody else here who doesn't have a speech impediment but still might suffer from all those other problems I talked about. At least you can still function and talk to people no matter how you feel inside. In my case, the worse I feel inside, the harder it becomes for me to talk. And I'm basically trapped in a loop.

I feel like if I got rid of this one problem, I'd be able to tackle all my other problems.........but I don't know how.

Funny this feeling of being suicidal only gets triggered when whenever I enter the social playing field. When I'm in isolation, I don't get this feeling as much. I feel happier and can enjoy the finer things in life like sunsets and birds chirping.......…..it's almost as if interacting with other people reminds me of how much of a joke I am. The other day I tried ask this guy at a store a question about one product and he looked at me with an expression that said '' Dude you actually talk like this? I can't believe people like you actually exist..... ''
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post #2 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 02:55 PM
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what problem is a stutter? or to be quiet? none! the people are idiots. better to want to kill them all.

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post #3 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 02:57 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by andy1984 View Post
what problem is a stutter? or to be quiet? none! the people are idiots. better to want to kill them all.
If your stutter is severe, then daily life becomes unbearably hard. Stuff like asking for directions or working on group projects. Hell even dealing with annoying salespeople when you're shopping at a superstore and are trying to get them to go away. It feels like assault to me.
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post #4 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-25-2020, 03:03 PM
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edit -

have you ever had treatment or talked to your doctor about your stutter? they might be able to help you.

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Originally Posted by DukeDuck View Post
If your stutter is severe, then daily life becomes unbearably hard. Stuff like asking for directions or working on group projects. Hell even dealing with annoying salespeople when you're shopping at a superstore and are trying to get them to go away. It feels like assault to me.
i got bullied for my acne / looks when i was younger and those negative feelings have crossed over into adulthood, so if someone gives me a dirty or mocking look in the high street or shop instead of brushing it off, i get rush of strong emotions which can linger for up to 2 days.. for me, im slowly getting better. do you think you could be dealing with something similar?
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post #5 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 12:36 AM Thread Starter
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edit -

have you ever had treatment or talked to your doctor about your stutter? they might be able to help you.



i got bullied for my acne / looks when i was younger and those negative feelings have crossed over into adulthood, so if someone gives me a dirty or mocking look in the high street or shop instead of brushing it off, i get rush of strong emotions which can linger for up to 2 days.. for me, im slowly getting better. do you think you could be dealing with something similar?

Speech therapy is pretty expensive. If I was really rich I would have gone for it. But a lot of people say that it doesn't help that much. It's more of a psychological problem.

Yeah I also have similar problems to you. Not regarding the stutter. But regarding other issues. I'm also sensitive to dirty looks and it can completely throw me off and spoil my mood.

What you're experiencing sounds a bit like PTSD. Have you talked to someone about it?
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post #6 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 03:04 AM
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Stuttering and speech impediment are tough, and mostly is anxiety related. Maybe try talking slower, taking the time to talk or even try to be more concise when you talk might help. Also maybe you can try practice talking in the mirror or even talking to yourself out loud like having a conversation with an imaginary person. Which sounds crazy probably, but it probably might help and get you more accustomed to talking, getting actual words out which might help make your talking smoother perhaps.

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post #7 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 11:25 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Blue Dino View Post
Stuttering and speech impediment are tough, and mostly is anxiety related. Maybe try talking slower, taking the time to talk or even try to be more concise when you talk might help. Also maybe you can try practice talking in the mirror or even talking to yourself out loud like having a conversation with an imaginary person. Which sounds crazy probably, but it probably might help and get you more accustomed to talking, getting actual words out which might help make your talking smoother perhaps.
I do practice a lot on a recorder. I also pretend that I'm talking to someone. When I'm by myself I can talk easily. The stutter doesn't really get in my way. I can often enunciate whole paras without stuttering. But when I'm in front of other people, that's when it becomes strong and makes speaking tough. It is related to social anxiety and poor self esteem and lots of other mental gymnastics that are going on.

Talking slower sometimes helps. Sometimes I just block, and can't say a word at all. Fast or slow. People often get annoyed too. Especially in situations where I'm required to talk in a short period of time.
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post #8 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 04:11 PM
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Funny this feeling of being suicidal only gets triggered when whenever I enter the social playing field. When I'm in isolation, I don't get this feeling as much. I feel happier and can enjoy the finer things in life like sunsets and birds chirping.......…..it's almost as if interacting with other people reminds me of how much of a joke I am. The other day I tried ask this guy at a store a question about one product and he looked at me with an expression that said '' Dude you actually talk like this? I can't believe people like you actually exist..... ''
I am the same way, that is why i avoid social encounters as much as possible, I also get suicidal after rejections. Logically, the best way to overcome that is just to keep trying until you become immune, but if I even fail a small battle, in my mind, i am just reminded what a loser I am and it is confirmed for me. It is peaceful to hide from the world, I go out to pro sports games or movies almost every night, but I am alone which I am sure looks pretty bizarre and pathetic to everyone in public.

I am sure your stutter is a real issue, but i would not get that caught up in that being your #1 issue that will solve your problems. Remember, I have seen stutterers who had so much self-confidence that they still were popular and well-liked. I would work on ways to improve your stutter but i would not obsess about it too much and make it your #1 priority. I am not saying it is easy, but my point is, with confidence, you will be able to function at least OK in society and meet people and have fun. I have zero confidence which everyone has told me, and I have no clue how to change it. I have worked ridiculously hard on my online business the last few years and i still have zero confidence and feel worthless

Again, i would look somewhat into cures for stuttering but i would mainly just try to live your life and improve in other ways. Without knowing you, I don't think your stuttering is enough to stop you from having a life
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post #9 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-26-2020, 08:18 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by Disheveled and Lost View Post
I am the same way, that is why i avoid social encounters as much as possible, I also get suicidal after rejections. Logically, the best way to overcome that is just to keep trying until you become immune, but if I even fail a small battle, in my mind, i am just reminded what a loser I am and it is confirmed for me. It is peaceful to hide from the world, I go out to pro sports games or movies almost every night, but I am alone which I am sure looks pretty bizarre and pathetic to everyone in public.
That doesn't look bizarre at all. A lot of people go solo to events, restaurants, etc. And I don't think anyone notices a person sitting alone and goes '' Hey look at that guy, he's alone! ''....it's something that doesn't even cross most people's minds.

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Originally Posted by Disheveled and Lost View Post

I am sure your stutter is a real issue, but i would not get that caught up in that being your #1 issue that will solve your problems. Remember, I have seen stutterers who had so much self-confidence that they still were popular and well-liked. I would work on ways to improve your stutter but i would not obsess about it too much and make it your #1 priority. I am not saying it is easy, but my point is, with confidence, you will be able to function at least OK in society and meet people and have fun. I have zero confidence which everyone has told me, and I have no clue how to change it. I have worked ridiculously hard on my online business the last few years and i still have zero confidence and feel worthless

Again, i would look somewhat into cures for stuttering but i would mainly just try to live your life and improve in other ways. Without knowing you, I don't think your stuttering is enough to stop you from having a life
I don't know what area of work your online business is, but from what I know some areas are extremely competitive. Are you able to make a living out of it?

Those popular stutterers you talked about.....are they severe stutterers or was it just a mild stutter?

As far as I know there's no cure for stuttering. It's something that just goes up and down. When I was younger, it wasn't that bad. But in adulthood there are so many things at play that weren't there in childhood. Childhood was nice and simple.
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post #10 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-27-2020, 06:32 AM
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The other day I tried ask this guy at a store a question about one product and he looked at me with an expression that said '' Dude you actually talk like this? I can't believe people like you actually exist..... ''
It’s bold to infer another’s thoughts.

When our first perception resonates with a familiar, painful chord in us, it seems to ring true, and we don’t question it or look further.

It’s important to recognize the ambiguity here.

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post #11 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-27-2020, 09:13 AM
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Hey, I'm sorry you're feeling this way and I'm glad you haven't hurt yourself over this.

I just wanted to say that I can relate to some of what you said. I have issues with stuttering...not too severe, but definitely enough to make me feel embarrassed and even stupid sometimes. It's so frustrating when you can think of what you want to say perfectly in your head, but then it comes out with a stutter. But most people tend to ignore it or joke about it lightheartedly. Still, it makes me feel self-conscious.

After a negative social interaction, I usually end up beating myself up for it and replaying the conversation in my head over and over, trying to think of what I should have said differently and worrying about what the person thinks of me. As soon as I realize I'm replaying it, I usually try to immediately think of something else, but it's difficult.

I don't know if you can feel when you're about to stutter, but sometimes I can catch it by pausing in the middle of a sentence and trying to say the word as slow as possible (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't). I wish I had some better advice, but you should know that you're not alone and your struggles don't make you any less of a person. Think about it this way - at least if you stuttered, that means you were brave enough to say something.
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post #12 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-27-2020, 09:41 AM
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Originally Posted by DukeDuck View Post
By social rejection, I mean any time you feel ostracized because of however it is that you are and whatever trait you have that makes you feel like you're not like everybody else and can't function in society the way everyone else can.

I try my best to remain positive and keep my chin up...……..but whenever I face any negative social encounter, I get this feeling like I'm fighting a pointless war and I would be better off...….I don't even want to type it (I'm a little superstitious).

So far I haven't actually made any attempts to hurt myself, but I keep getting sudden onsets of this hopeless dark feeling like there's no point in me living. And this pretty much happens after every social rejection.

The main culprit of this is my stutter. I have a severe stutter and it makes talking almost impossible. I had the stutter since I was 5 but it was never that bad. I was still able to talk to people and make friends relatively easy. It keeps varying.....in fact it even went away for a few years. Stutters are not that rare, there are people who have it and still function. But It's become bad now after years of self loathing, heightened anxiety, SA, fear, horrible self esteem, living in isolation (and not getting accustomed to that), etc.

I really envy everybody else here who doesn't have a speech impediment but still might suffer from all those other problems I talked about. At least you can still function and talk to people no matter how you feel inside. In my case, the worse I feel inside, the harder it becomes for me to talk. And I'm basically trapped in a loop.

I feel like if I got rid of this one problem, I'd be able to tackle all my other problems.........but I don't know how.

Funny this feeling of being suicidal only gets triggered when whenever I enter the social playing field. When I'm in isolation, I don't get this feeling as much. I feel happier and can enjoy the finer things in life like sunsets and birds chirping.......…..it's almost as if interacting with other people reminds me of how much of a joke I am. The other day I tried ask this guy at a store a question about one product and he looked at me with an expression that said '' Dude you actually talk like this? I can't believe people like you actually exist..... ''
I have had a stutter. It's important to realize that others recognize that we cannot help it. If they don't recognize it, they are more ignorant than I am and are not worth discussing. Everyone has a problem or two.

Anxiety is the worst
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post #13 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-27-2020, 09:51 AM
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Aw I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I thought you told me you were going to join a group with people who have a stuttering issue too? Yeah like sabbath9 said, some people will be rude, ignorant or impatient and others will be kind, caring, compassionate and understanding.
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post #14 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-27-2020, 11:40 PM Thread Starter
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It’s bold to infer another’s thoughts.

When our first perception resonates with a familiar, painful chord in us, it seems to ring true, and we don’t question it or look further.

It’s important to recognize the ambiguity here.
Yeah that part's true. I recall judgements I used to make based on facial expressions many years ago and I make different judgements now. It's always hard to know what someone is actually thinking.
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post #15 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-27-2020, 11:58 PM
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First of all your stuttering may be an issue for you but its not something to kill yourself over. Life is to valuable. As long as you can some find some joy on a daily basis you have something to live for. Keep trying to stay positive. Its difficult but better days will be ahead if you set some small goals everyday. Work to achieve them and after a while you will be in a much better situation.

I had a stutter when I was younger as well. Seen a speech therapist when I was in grade school. Seemed to help me. Perhaps give that a try.

Here is some good advice Former Vice President Joe Biden had about stuttering that he suffered from in his youth.

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post #16 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-28-2020, 03:24 AM
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post #17 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-28-2020, 10:39 AM Thread Starter
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This reminds me of some lyrics and myself. The lyrics are from The Offspring song Self Esteem: "The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care." I'm having a hard time finding a decent job and it depresses me, but I remind myself that it's not a bad thing to desire good employment.



So keep attempting to socialize because there are a lot of nice people who will look past your current difficulties to see a kind and caring person.




https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abrn8aVQ76Q
Huh I have heard this song a few times before but now I finally know the name! But the complete meaning of that line '' the more you suffer, the more it shows you really care '' still eludes me. I get the gist of it, but its.....slightly confusing.
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post #18 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-28-2020, 03:08 PM Thread Starter
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Aw I'm sorry you're feeling this way, I thought you told me you were going to join a group with people who have a stuttering issue too? Yeah like sabbath9 said, some people will be rude, ignorant or impatient and others will be kind, caring, compassionate and understanding.
I did try to search once but there don't seem to be stuttering support groups in my city. Just one on one therapy.

Yeah I know some people will be good, but the real problem is getting to know them first. I'm at that point where I don't care if someone reacts negatively to my stutter, I just have to be able to have a conversation with them with ease.
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post #19 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-29-2020, 02:28 PM Thread Starter
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I have had a stutter. It's important to realize that others recognize that we cannot help it. If they don't recognize it, they are more ignorant than I am and are not worth discussing. Everyone has a problem or two.
Hmm it's good that people are sympathetic to problems, but at the same time I don't want people to feel pity for me. I just want them to overlook it and not pay it any mind. Pity feels horrible, and it only gives all of the problems out there more strength.
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post #20 of 45 (permalink) Old 02-29-2020, 03:00 PM
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My awkward social interactions is probably the number one reason why I'm tempted to kill myself. Because I never feel like I fit in. I don't feel important enough to live.
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