It was long time ago when i was lost on this forum. So many things happened and I feel like it became too much at this point and that I need to vent somewhere...
My mental health became so bad that I took the step to go to a psychiatrist and I suspected that I will get maybe one medicine to help me with the anxiety but he actually prescribed 3! I was surprised. I am taking them since a few days, slightly higher doses each day. One of the medicines is lithium, which i have never heared about before, but after a search i saw that while it is helpful, it is hard for the body too :/
Anyway, I know well that these medications need time to act and I feel slightly sedated but at the same time I am realizing a lots of things, that I am so unhappy in life, the lack of friends that I have, my relationship with my boyfriend which is not happy at all
I just do not see how these things will improve.
The first thing to say is that so-called medicines that are prescribed by psychiatrists are highly unlikely to improve anything for you (or anyone else).
Suffering, in all its forms, does not have any biological cause and therefore, trying to address something that is not biologically based with a biological course of action, is futile. I have heard of people who claim a drug helped them with some form of suffering, but I suspect this is because they have been numbed or heavily sedated by the drugs, so they do not experience the suffering anymore, rather than the substance resolving the root cause of their pain.
The main reason these kind of drugs are prescribed is only to get you back to functioning, so you can go to work, spend money and pay taxes.
But these substances are also highly toxic and dangerous and they are designed and produced by companies who have no idea what they are really doing and then prescribed by psychiatrists who are unable to tell you what these drugs are targeting. Psychiatry is close to being quackery too as psychiatrists are not qualified in anything that they can point to (they are not doctors).
When I was in the thick of my SA, chronic depression and AvPD (for many many years), I felt like you wrote, that I couldn't see how this state of being is going to change/stop. I thus considered suicide as a method for ending my never ending intense pain, debilitation, disinterest in life and perpetual misery that I lived with every minute, of every hour, 24/7/365 for many many
The main reason I am responding to your post is to tell you that the way things/life seems to be for you is not only not how it will always be, but it is not actually as it seems be. And also, that you have the ability and all the necessary tools, right now, to stop feeling as you are.
I discovered the truth about why I was suffering (and the reason why everyone suffers too) and a few years ago, I was able to end my SA/depression/AvPD by myself. You can do this too, if you really want to stop feeling as you do.
If you want, I can help you with the knowledge and resources about how you can change your life and never suffer again.