I have a lot of the characteristics of "peter pan syndrome" ... I am 42 and spent the last 15 years or 17 years going to pro sports games and going to movies. I work very hard but only hard enough to afford a dump, but i live in a rich area and my parents pay most of my bills. Still work full time for years. I was able to BS my way to be with a bunch of women, and turned down a few who wanted to keep seeing me, despite me being a weirdo and outcast. Amazing that I had the audacity to turn anyone down. Anything I got or achieved was through BS-ing, and i bended the rules every step of the way, not a criminal but at age 20 I could have chosen a life of crime and didn't, I am that type, you know. I played video games nonstop from about 1995-2003. Since the coronavirus started, i rebought a ton of games and new games for the classic systems and am now playing up to 10 hours a day. The type of gamer who plays with friends or boyfriend/girlfriend casually is the opposite of me, who closes the shades and isolates in front of a screen alone. Either way, i was way behind everyone my age who I knew every step of the way, no marriage, kids, picket fence, dopey friends coming over to play poker on friday night and get drunk with, the vacations, and/or vacation homes, the picking out useless home decorations like rugs that old boring married people do. I believe most people who get married and follow all those rules and traditions are doing it for show. If everyone else is taking dumb vacations flying overseas taking 1000 new pics every vacation of food they are about to eat and sunsets and idiots jumping in the air pics mid-flight, then why not you? Women want and expect every guy to do vaguely the same BS things, fine dining or some form of it, vacations, elaborate or not, and the marriage and kids thing is just one boring routine from what i have observed. It is like every step of a child's life is now recorded with a camcorder and if the 3 year old kid throws a Tonka toy at the wall, this event is logged in the huge book devoted to them. Children are now so important to parents, where every step is documented, and parents are just as shallow and vapid, buying new rugs and chests and taking vacations so they can upload thousands of pics to Facebook to show their other sheep friends how much nicer their vacation was than theirs was.
Having a relationship or whatever, i had small tastes of it and dated a few gorgeous women, despite me being the biggest loser in all my schools growing up, and the best way to explain it is, everything gets tired and boring. If I could I would have a string of 2-year relationships. Still, turning down the few women who were really into me, because I wasn't into them, so i could be alone, is the most confusing and idiotic decision i ever made. I convinced these women, only through my ability to BS, that I was not the complete outcast and nerdy gawky kid and adult, to the point that I almost believed the lie. I am not good looking enough, confident enough or have a good enough personality to genuinely attract normal people, so I would be forced to lie my way to the top