feeling like you failed to grow up and mature like your peers - Page 2 - Social Anxiety Forum
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post #21 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 05:05 AM
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Originally Posted by tehuti88 View Post
Aside from going to a community college, I have no adult experience whatsoever to speak of. I even still go to sleep every night in my rickety twin bed in my childhood bedroom with a few shreds of Holly Hobbie wallpaper on the walls and a few stuffed animals in the closet. Gigantic failure is an understatement.
Well, what about redecorating your bedroom entirely, getting a new adult bed, and moving any childhood things like stuffed toys out of your room to somewhere else you can keep them?.

I mean, if you feel your childhood room is somewhat of a.symbol of not moving on, then that very bedroom with the symbols , which you clearly describe, help to actually validate what you think and how you feel about not moving on.

Redecorate that room. New wallpaper, new bed. New furniture items etc etc. Change it to a present adult bedroom. Start afresh in there. Refreshing the room may even make it a more pleasant place to be. It may help lift your mood a bit. Or, would that thought of changing that room, eradicating childhood memories,.scare you? Is changing the identification of the room something you'd feel uncomfortable with?

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post #22 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 03:31 PM
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I feel ya.

I have a job, but I'm not making enough to move out and I may not ever have a "career." I don't have ambitions. I just want to live on my own one day and write stuff when I'm not at work lol. I would like to get married, but I probably never will. I don't exactly have any social circles I'm apart of and I don't think I can handle dating. That being said, there are some things I don't ever really want to yield to adulthood. I love gaming. I like some anime but not all. I even still rewatch shows I grew up with like the Last Airbender. I think millennials and maybe gen z are more attached to their childhood, and frankly I kinda like that. Growing up is overrated in some regards. I honestly can't relate to most of peers now because their whole existence is career, marriage, and kids.

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post #23 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 04:34 PM
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play video games and watching anime instead of more mature hobbies.
Those are my favorite hobbies and I'll hold onto them until I'm old and disabled by arthritis or poor eye sight . There are world records for the oldest gamer but I see myself breaking them all .

Maybe you could research careers that you would find enjoyable or shadow someone? If you find a job you like then it becomes another recreational activity and it doesn't feel as if you're working at all.

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post #24 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 06:21 PM
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I think a lot of us anxiety individuals have matured in some ways more than others. Other people don't have to deal with the same problems as we do so they're kind of naďve and had it easy. So in some ways, we are more resilient.
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post #25 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 06:57 PM
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Interesting; some of that describes me well. My mother has always been extremely overprotective and controlling -- "emotional incest" is a rather shocking way to put it! I've always been in frequent contact with my mother; even during uni she'd typically call me once a day. And she has always bought my clothes because I can't be bothered; I don't care what I wear as long as it's comfortable, and I'd wear worn out or raggedy clothes if they still feel good. I've never had a romantic relationship at all, so I have no former partners. I'm definitely commitment-phobic in pretty much everything. I don't have any close friends -- just my parents and a few people I met through online games. I'm certainly selfish, though I never thought of that as "childish."

Lots of it doesn't apply though. I've done my own laundry for the most part, since I was about 18. I do much of my parents' laundry too. As a serious introvert I've never "partied all night," and I don't know anyone 10 years younger than me. I definitely don't think women should "serve me" -- the suggestion is insulting. I don't think anyone should serve me, and I definitely don't expect to be pampered; if anything I spoil my parents by cooking and baking for them almost every day. I don't think I'm passive-aggressive, or at least I try not to be. And I'm definitely not financially irresponsible, although that's largely because my mother has always been very financially cautious, and taught me the same. And I'm pretty sure I don't have "childish innocence and charm."

I imagine it's a spectrum, like a lot of things. Perhaps I simply have mild IPD.

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post #26 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 07:15 PM
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no wife, no engagement even, no serious partner even.


no house. back to living with parents.


basically think like a a child, all I want to do is have fun and not think about anything resembling a career or long term plans.


play video games and watching anime instead of more mature hobbies.


dress like a kid, like wearing dark/black makeup because I'm weird like that. instead of looking professional and clean cut.


etc.



anyone else? feels.


almost 30 and haven't made it to the real adult stage in this play we call life.
I was forty when I met my wife. At the time I was in a similar place as you emotionally. It seemed like life would play out with me being completely alone in a dead end job coming home to an empty mobile home listening to music and watching movies dreaming about finding someone and then kicking myself for dreaming. My only advice is make it a point to leave the house every day. Doesn't matter where you go. Go where there's people.

...you gotta keep the goal in mind, develop tunnel vision to a certain extent. it's hard, and it's not for everyone.

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post #27 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 07:26 PM
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^^^

This is all very interesting. I have just found out about a disorder called immature personality disorder, IPD. It's also called Peter Pan syndrome. It's a personality disorder whereby its basically childish imarurity behaviours and cognition in an adults body. I have read that it's not in the DSM-5 (yet). It's caused by a person being brought up in a very overprotective childhood that causes the adult to basically have a very childish adult nature




I'm not suggesting anyone has this IPD. It's just interesting to bring this up that this exists and there are similarities to some people's posts and the condition.
'this sounds like a psychologytoday piece'

*googles*

Ah it is. Lol.

They also watered down the term emotional incest though I notice on the actual link they addressed that:

Quote:
* Note: The term emotional incest is also used to describe cases in which a parent treats his or her child as their partner or spouse.
Emotional incest isn't when a parent gives a child too much praise and lets them do whatever they want it's when they treat the child as a partner/adult and expect them to be their emotional rock etc. Basically they have to parent their parent.

Well they've already stuck video game addiction into it, so I'm sure it will be in there soon. They'll probably call it millennial disorder. The dsm is also controversial though.

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post #28 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 07:37 PM
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Its the anxiety that holds us back a lot. I feel i didn't go through enough of the growing pains as a teen, so i just avoided it all completely. Not that I can't do that, but at my age, it's a little awkward trying to fit in. I still hold out hope that I'll go through the awkward phase just to get to the non-awkward one, but strange things like middle age happens to where you just dont gaf anymore. Middle age hasn't happened yet, though it just a fact of life that at some point, you just dont care. Painful Gen Y'er. Those zoomers don't know what REM or Pearl Jam is and that's a shame. Not sure what point I'm making but ok. I never understood the frequency.
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post #29 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 10:01 PM
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Talking to Uber chick tonight I was like wow lol. I don't compare myself to people anymore. But we're the same age and she to most people is doing really well. Great job, married, attractive, home owner, master's degree, etc.

Everyone is unique and thats awesome .

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post #30 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-14-2020, 05:19 AM
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As long as you are taking over full responsibility for your own actions (or non-actions) the consequences, mistakes, feelings and thoughts etc, you are "mature" in my books!

Living a lifestyle and walking paths like seemingly everybody else doesn't qualify one for being an adult!
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post #31 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-14-2020, 05:21 AM
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Originally Posted by Persephone The Dread View Post
'this sounds like a psychologytoday piece'

*googles*

Ah it is. Lol.

They also watered down the term emotional incest though I notice on the actual link they addressed that:

Lol. Some of their articles are okay, but I know what you mean about them now. I kinda suspected it a few weeks ago when I was reading about female exhibitionism and female flashing. Which is a very interesting subject and how it compares to male exhibitionism and male flashing. it's like night and day how both versions of that are regarded by society. Basically women get away with it, and men get arrested. Which is a bit crazy because both are illegal and non-consensual sexual acts involving an unsuspecting stranger and is a sexual disorder equally so regardless if you're male or female.


It said
"Do you ever wear tight, form-fitting, or revealing clothing to show off some aspect of your body? Many people do from time to time at the beach, the gym, or socially. There’s a little bit of exhibitionist in most of us, too."

. Saying that wearing tight clothing to the gym is being exhibitionistic is a bit far-fetched, or wearing a bikini to the beach is exhibitionistic? It's not. That's not what exhibitionism is. The last thing most people want at those places with strangers around is unwanted attention/advances from.people.

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear.
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

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post #32 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-14-2020, 05:42 AM
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Lol. Some of their articles are okay, but I know what you mean about them now. I kinda suspected it a few weeks ago when I was reading about female exhibitionism and female flashing. Which is a very interesting subject and how it compares to male exhibitionism and male flashing. it's like night and day how both versions of that are regarded by society. Basically women get away with it, and men get arrested. Which is a bit crazy because both are illegal and non-consensual sexual acts involving an unsuspecting stranger and is a sexual disorder equally so regardless if you're male or female.


It said
"Do you ever wear tight, form-fitting, or revealing clothing to show off some aspect of your body? Many people do from time to time at the beach, the gym, or socially. There’s a little bit of exhibitionist in most of us, too."

. Saying that wearing tight clothing to the gym is being exhibitionistic is a bit far-fetched, or wearing a bikini to the beach is exhibitionistic? It's not. That's not what exhibitionism is. The last thing most people want at those places with strangers around is unwanted attention/advances from.people.
Yeah it would depend on the motivation really. If you go swimming then unless you just buy a full body wet suit it's going to be somewhat revealing.

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Truth is, I don't exist, I'm just a soundtrack to your movie
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post #33 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-14-2020, 07:15 AM
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I think millennials and maybe gen z are more attached to their childhood, and frankly I kinda like that. Growing up is overrated in some regards. I honestly can't relate to most of peers now because their whole existence is career, marriage, and kids.
I've seen that discussed a lot. It looks like our generations are less concerned with job security/having a nuclear family and are exploring a wider pool of options. I like that as well. I suspect that the mid-life crisis often has something to do with that violent rupturing of connections between childhood-adolescence-adulthood. You don't magically become a different person just because you turn 30 or get a job. Finding continuity between all stages of life feels like a more harmonious option.

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post #34 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-14-2020, 01:34 PM
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no wife, no engagement even, no serious partner even.

no house. back to living with parents.
basically think like a a child, all I want to do is have fun and not think about anything resembling a career or long term plans.
play video games and watching anime instead of more mature hobbies.
dress like a kid, like wearing dark/black makeup because I'm weird like that. instead of looking professional and clean cut.
anyone else? feels.
almost 30 and haven't made it to the real adult stage in this play we call life.
I have my own apartment (thank god because idk if I could deal with living with another human being) but also not married, no family, no house. All my acquaintances (don't even call them friends anymore) are married and own homes at this point.

I don't play video games, never really appealed to me, but I spend a lot of my free time listening to music and finding new bands I like. This is just as much an escape from the adulthood responsibilities I should have by now.

I have a college degree and professional job, but that just because my parents made me go to college and I need money to live the way I want to (that is, independently). But I hate it, I hate "being an adult" for 8-10 hours a day there. Because truly, I'm not an adult yet.

I can't live the life I want to live because I have no friends and not enough money, but what I'd love to do is ditch the soul sucking corporate job and just travel the country, living out of a modified van, catching shows in different cities and hiking in the outdoors.

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Um, I never grew up. I'm still basically 18-22 mentally. A serious case of arrested development. But I don't feel bad about it. I kind of like being in touch with my own childishness. I'd hate to become a serious and stuffy person who worries about … whatever it is that "mature" people worry about. What a drag. Give me cartoons and comic books. Idrc if people think I'm immature. It's the least bad thing they're likely to think of me.
In some ways I never grew up either. Me and my friends, we all loved music and seeing bands in our early 20s. Then they all grew up, got married, had kids, bought houses. I'm still in the same place, getting lost in music. Only thing is now I have no one to enjoy it with.

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I'm not in contact with any friends or acquaintances I used to have, so I don't know how they're faring now. I'm sure they must've done better at growing and maturing as people than I have. Though that's a bar so low it's underground.
Same here, haven't talked to my former friends in years. But I'm sure without the psychological baggage I have, they're doing well, must better than me, and have earned the respect that comes with conforming to society's demands.


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post #35 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-14-2020, 08:40 PM
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post #36 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 03:20 AM
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post #37 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-15-2020, 09:24 AM
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I'm 22, but this could describe me. I know a lot of people will say to me "well you're still in college so it's ok to live at home and have a fast food job". But I look on social media and I see people that were in my grade who I was only a year younger than who have houses, a fiance or a spouse, children, and are in professional jobs. And if they don't have all of those things, they at least have one. I wonder if these people didnt go to college and just went straight to work and that's why they can afford these things? I'm dying to move out of my house and start work and I have been since the age of 18. I feel a bit insecure seeing all my former class mates basically all grown up and then there's me living at home, single as ****, and delivering food for money. But to know there are others like me makes me less insecure because I realize not everyone is supposed to have done something by a certain age. Life should be about being free to take your own path and if that is your path, it's ok
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post #38 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 08:07 AM
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I think I feel young for my age...that is, until I see how Gen Z'ers act....and I'm like nope. My problem is....that I don't want anything my peer group as meant to want. And I just dont fit into their wants and desires. I could quite happily live in my childhood bedroom for the rest of my life, which isn't what you're meant to want. But there you go.


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post #39 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-23-2020, 05:55 PM
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Yeah I feel like I haven't grown up. My father has said before that I'm like a 16 year old and he's probably right. I've always lived with my parents and spent a lot of time playing video games.
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post #40 of 51 (permalink) Old 06-24-2020, 09:17 PM
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I feel like I'm very slow to mature, especially for a female. I pretty much felt like a kid up until my mid 20s and never interested in relationships or having a full time job, or anything to do with being an adult. I never pursued an independent life from my family and didn't even want to get my license, but my mom forced me. I was always in awe and confused of the teenagers that seem really mature and responsible and stuff.
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