feeling like you failed to grow up and mature like your peers - Social Anxiety Forum
Thread Tools
post #1 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 04:23 PM Thread Starter
Birthday Cake Cutie
SilentLyric's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Illinois, in my Landlord's basement
Gender: Other
Age: 28
Posts: 8,746
Red face

feeling like you failed to grow up and mature like your peers

no wife, no engagement even, no serious partner even.

no house. back to living with parents.

basically think like a a child, all I want to do is have fun and not think about anything resembling a career or long term plans.

play video games and watching anime instead of more mature hobbies.

dress like a kid, like wearing dark/black makeup because I'm weird like that. instead of looking professional and clean cut.


anyone else? feels.

almost 30 and haven't made it to the real adult stage in this play we call life.
SilentLyric is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 05:00 PM
SAS Member
ShotInTheDark's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Lithuania
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Posts: 1,398
My Mood: Sleepy
You just described me here, except I'm younger...

Goddamn autocorrect

Even shy people can be sassy sometimes...
I'll put drunk raccoon in my signature as well, because I CAN...
ShotInTheDark is offline  
post #3 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 05:29 PM Thread Starter
Birthday Cake Cutie
SilentLyric's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Illinois, in my Landlord's basement
Gender: Other
Age: 28
Posts: 8,746
Originally Posted by ShotInTheDark View Post
You just described be here, except I'm younger...

hey lithuanian bro. my grandparents emigrated from lithuania to the us, thats how I got here.
SilentLyric is offline  
post #4 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 05:55 PM
Symphonic Metal Lover
MusicAndNature FTW's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota
Gender: Male
Age: 24
Posts: 20
My Mood: Worried
I got this feeling recently myself and understand 100%. I see what few friends I've made when I was much younger that have grown up and are leading healthy adult lives, in relationships, etc. and I just get angry about how I'm basically still like a child and that all that still feels so far out of reach.

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent."
"This is more than anyone can bear, but we will persevere."
MusicAndNature FTW is offline  
post #5 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 08:52 PM
Permanently Banned
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 105
My Mood: Tired
I observe the way most adults look and behave, and I have no idea why I'd want to "mature," unless I excelled or was a paragon at something. It seems like most of them lead miserable lives they were financially coerced into living. They didn't have the right genetics and/or upbringing to do something interesting for a living, so they're relegated to the mercy of our neo-fuedal lords or some soul-destroying path to financial independence and "**** you money." Most of them seem to be eating, drinking, and drugging themselves to death. Yeah! Sign me up for adulthood! Miserable marriages, PITA kids, divorce, browbeating bosses, coworkers that want to bully me into conforming to their execrable values, and so on. Yeah, adulthood is just so exciting!

That I prefer fantasy over reality means I'm a bit of a Peter Pan, I guess. But, experiencing the alternative is miserable. If unions were stronger -- if benefits were more fair -- I'd probably leap at the opportunity to "mature." But, since I'm genetic excrement, what's the point? I might as well be euthanized.
Cringy Snowflake is offline  
post #6 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 11:17 PM
***** Pothole
Blue Dino's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 6,975
Actually I felt like many of my peers see things more ignorantly and are more narrow minded, despite obviously having seen and experience a wider variety of things than I do. Or maybe they're just not showing all of their cards to me, because I am not worthy for them to.

The truth is strictly what the ones in power perceives it to be.

Enjoy any good things, even the little and menial ones, as you will never know what impending distresses could descend upon you in a moment.
Blue Dino is offline  
post #7 of 62 (permalink) Old 05-31-2020, 11:41 PM
♎ Mackinac Island Fanatic
tehuti88's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: At the bottom of Lake Algonquin (Michigan)
Language: English
Gender: Female
Age: 43
Posts: 28,211
My Mood: Crappy
Aside from going to a community college, I have no adult experience whatsoever to speak of. I even still go to sleep every night in my rickety twin bed in my childhood bedroom with a few shreds of Holly Hobbie wallpaper on the walls and a few stuffed animals in the closet. Gigantic failure is an understatement.

If I don't reply to you, it's NOTHING PERSONAL. It's my ANXIETY.


(Devetko's boyfriend Stan Brooks & Det. Reichert are horsing around.)

Det. Kristeva: "If it were legal you'd marry me, right?"
Det. Devetko: "Definitely."

(It's legal now!! But Kristeva's already married. ;_; )


"No canoes...no maple sugar...this place is horribly uncivilized."--Manabozho, Escape From Manitou Island
tehuti88 is offline  
post #8 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-01-2020, 05:06 AM
We all wear a mask.
Tymes Rhymes's Avatar
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Colorado
Gender: Male
Age: 28
Posts: 1,746
It seems as though most of "adulthood" consists of conforming to an idealistic notion of it set forth by the powers that be. I mean from childhood, it is engraved into our consciousness about how we need to get good grades, go to a good college, get a good job; all so that we may become valued members of society and be looked upon admirably by our peers.

From what I've seen however, as described earlier by Cringy Snowflake, most "mature" adults seem to have been ensconced within the pitfalls of rampant destructive behaviors which can lead to destructive relationships, which they also mentioned. Why would I want to be "mature" in that sense?

I work a dead-end job, I am not happy, but I do have some goals I would like to fulfill at some point which would keep me away from both the dead-end job and the high-end soul-destroying jobs. I have no desire to please other people in the vain sense which we are at least all aware of. Heck, my wardrobe consists of plain black and white shirts, no designs/patterns/ or logos white shirts for work, black for everyday leisure.

Not much of what is put forth in front of me is appealing in terms of adulting. I want to achieve solace in my own way.

We haven't lived in anything remotely close to "real" since the turn of the century.
Tymes Rhymes is offline  
post #9 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-01-2020, 05:30 AM
SAS Member
Join Date: Apr 2020
Posts: 178
9i dont like to compare myslef to my peers.....thyere all successful in the sense theyre all married and have good career jobs.....by contrast im 44 no job no career and still live with my parents, also i ahev no girlfriend (been that way all my life and yeah never even had sex) i do feel like a failure.....these days i try to forge another path, i steer myself away from the peers i grew up with......i have become a member of a mental health club and there i meet people i relate to.....theyre way more humble than the people i grew up with and i like it that way
irishkarl is offline  
post #10 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-12-2020, 12:19 PM
SAS Member
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 120
I thought I was the only one who felt this way.
Care2018 is offline  
post #11 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-12-2020, 02:11 PM
alien monk
andy1984's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2006
Age: 35
Posts: 7,832
i have the opposite feeling lol

"I take what is mine. I pay the iron price."
―Balon Greyjoy
andy1984 is online now  
post #12 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-12-2020, 03:19 PM
Not A Low Calorie Food
WillYouStopDave's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: United States
Gender: Male
Age: 46
Posts: 31,179
My Mood: Relaxed
I feel like I failed to convince my parents to abort me. I must not have kicked enough or caused enough unpleasant pregnancy symptoms.

Once when I was a kid I found a box of condoms in my dad's sock drawer. It annoys me to no end to think that all of this BS I've been through was probably caused by some whimsical choice he made not to wear one one time. Like if I found out he was trying to save money by not using a condom or something that would just make friggin steam come out of my ears.

WillYouStopDave is online now  
post #13 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-12-2020, 03:32 PM
Greasy prospector
blue2's Avatar
Join Date: May 2013
Location: The salty spitoon
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,933
My Mood: Lurking
Not a problem for me, but I wish everyone that's a problem for, all the best : /

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death
Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that strut's and fret's his hour upon the stage and is heard no more,
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
- Macbeth
blue2 is offline  
post #14 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-12-2020, 03:38 PM
SAS Member
funnynihilist's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: North East USA
Language: English
Gender: Male
Age: 44
Posts: 17,302
Being an "adult" is overrated. It's "adults" who are running this world and just look what a **** show it is!
Just because someone can get mcmarried and have a mcmortgage doesn't mean they are grown up.
I'm immature and proud of it! The few people from my past I still talk to/get info about are like walking messes.
One is in such bad shape now he can barely walk, one just texted me to say she is an "alcoholic suicide case", another developed alopecia and lost all his body hair due to stress, met up with another one about 7 years ago and when we were out together the waitress thought he was my dad because he's aged so badly due to being a psycho workaholic.
funnynihilist is offline  
post #15 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-12-2020, 07:24 PM
Royally F***ed
truant's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Cislandia
Gender: Transgender
Age: 48
Posts: 9,666
My Mood: Brooding
Um, I never grew up. I'm still basically 18-22 mentally. A serious case of arrested development. But I don't feel bad about it. I kind of like being in touch with my own childishness. I'd hate to become a serious and stuffy person who worries about … whatever it is that "mature" people worry about. What a drag. Give me cartoons and comic books. Idrc if people think I'm immature. It's the least bad thing they're likely to think of me.

I love Society. It is entirely composed now of beautiful idiots and brilliant lunatics. Just what Society should be.
truant is offline  
post #16 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-12-2020, 08:55 PM
SAS Member
Dodlet's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 11
I'm not in contact with any friends or acquaintances I used to have, so I don't know how they're faring now. I'm sure they must've done better at growing and maturing as people than I have. Though that's a bar so low it's underground.
Dodlet is offline  
post #17 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-12-2020, 09:38 PM
lagrimas negras
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Planet Earth... I think
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,623
I don't know what being an adult is supposed to feel like. :/ I do know most people I've come across with like to pretend like they have their sh!t together but I see right through them. They seem to be just as lost and confused as I am.
Maybe being an adult means to just fake it till we're dead.
Posted via Mobile Device
thomasjune is offline  
post #18 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 03:55 AM
SAS Member
Tetragammon's Avatar
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Utah, USA
Language: English, a little Japanese, Java, C#, C++
Gender: Male
Age: 35
Posts: 1,382
Pretty much. Although I never had any interest in a wife or engagement, and gave up on the idea of serious relationships in my 20's. I've always lived with my parents, except when I lived in the dorms at uni but even then I drove home almost every weekend. I play video games in all of my spare time, and don't care if it's not a "mature hobby." Never did wear any makeup though -- way too much hassle, and my parents would kill me if I did.

Most days I still feel like a 12-year-old trapped in a man's body, and it gets confusing. The past 15 years especially have just evaporated. I say **** adulting -- enjoy the hell out of every moment you can, because life is short and ambition is overrated.

"Here we may reign secure, and in my choyce / To reign is worth ambition though in Hell: / Better to reign in Hell, than serve in Heav'n" - "Satan", Paradise Lost
Tetragammon is online now  
post #19 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 04:48 AM
Zodiac Sign: LEO!!!
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: The United of the Kindoms!
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,163
My Mood: Angelic

This is all very interesting. I have just found out about a disorder called immature personality disorder, IPD. It's also called Peter Pan syndrome. It's a personality disorder whereby its basically childish imarurity behaviours and cognition in an adults body. I have read that it's not in the DSM-5 (yet). It's caused by a person being brought up in a very overprotective childhood that causes the adult to basically have a very childish adult nature

Little Prince (or Princess) Syndrome, when it occurs in adulthood, is also known as Peter Pan Syndrome. The condition does not figure in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), so it is not considered an official mental disorder. But it is a common condition, one which often results from an overly protective mother (or father)—a helicopter mom, or a parent who gives their son or daughter free range, and too much praise and attention, during childhood and adolescence. Such parental behavior is also sometimes referred to as emotional incest.*

article continues after advertisement

Peter Pan Syndrome is traditionally thought of as a situation in which a grown man is childish and immature, despite his age. But in today's culture, with so much helicopter parenting, it's safe to assume that both men and women can exhibit these behaviors. Little Prince (or Princess) Syndrome is related to, but not identical to, Emperor Syndrome, a term is primarily used to describe Chinese boys with no siblings who behave like little tyrants.

Little Princes and Princesses, as I define them, are grown men or women who act as if they are selfish children, narcissistic teenagers, or irresponsible young adults, and feel entitled to behave as they see fit. Following are 10 traits typical of someone living with Little Prince or Princess Syndrome. (For simplicity's sake, I use the term Little Prince below, and refer to the role of mothers, not father, but the signs are applicable to all genders.)

He is in touch with his mom almost every day. She is more "in" his life than anyone else. She checks up on him and worries about him, even though he is a grown man. She might buy his clothes and his groceries, and do his laundry for him.

He acts like a child, a teenager, or a person who is much younger than he is. He might throw temper tantrums or party all night with people 10 years younger than him.

He acts as if women should serve him. He expects to be taken care of and be pampered on demand. He will happily take but never give.

He cannot maintain a long-term, stable romantic relationship. Former partners end up becoming his enemies or new playmates.

He is commitment-phobic in nearly all areas of life—despite having a needy attachment style. It can take him six months to commit to buying a new sofa.

He has few, if any, close friends. His "friends" consist mostly of his mom and the strangers he meets when out playing or partying.

He is often passive-aggressive, meaning he has a tendency to engage in an indirect expression of hostility through acts such as subtle insults, sullen behavior, stubbornness, or a deliberate failure to accomplish required tasks.

He is a narcissist or exhibits a childish selfishness. If something is even mildly inconvenient, he will resist doing it.

He is financially irresponsible. He spends too much money playing, partying, or chasing after women.

He rarely thinks anything is his fault. He blames everyone around him for everything that goes wrong in his life—even his mother if he can't find another scapegoat.
It's unusual for a Little Prince to possess every one of these traits, so it can be hard to identify them. Their ability to lure you into their world with their childish innocence and charm makes it even trickier, but their concerned mothers, and their own irresponsibility and selfishness, eventually give them away.

I'm not suggesting anyone has this IPD. It's just interesting to bring this up that this exists and there are similarities to some people's posts and the condition.

Waiting for a beam to break through here,
A chain-way vision bright and clear.
This must be it,
Longed for Bliss,
First it was so quiet and now I know I am not alone in here.

Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride, nobody gonna slow me down. I gotta keep on moovin!

If you can read this, you must look at my profile page. I like people who have attention to detail, and curiosity.
KILOBRAVO is offline  
post #20 of 62 (permalink) Old 06-13-2020, 05:00 AM
harrison's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 15,473
I grew up and matured and did most of the regular things people do. I just feel like I didn't do some of the things as well as most people are able to, so I find that embarassing - especially with people my own age.
harrison is online now  

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome