Feeling emotional, so wrote this.
They're haven't been many nights that have passed without me leaving the TV on, to fake trying to fall asleep. I drink and smoke weed every single night to escape what seems like clear daylight at night. The nights seem like bright daylight, I just want to curl up into a ball into the corner of the room and let the shyness and anxiety beat me down. I crave natural death, the thought that this life will not be for ever, almost gives me a mental hug. I just dont fit in, I cant make it work, it just has to be this way.
Whoever is responsible, why did you make me like this? Why? I live in my own head, a bubble of judging every thought and every reaction. All I long for is ignorance, the one gift that would help me. Instead of ignorance, I have pure clarity and understanding. That's what makes it a thousand times worse.
I have lost all friendships, haven't had a girlfriend for years and years. I'm just a lonely, emotionally disturbed soul that wants to be normal, but knows it will NEVER come to be.
Poor old me hey? Lets all feel sorry for the guy who cant deal with a few psychological issues. Why do I feel this deeply and sensitively, I DONT ****ING WANT IT. My thoughts are muddled and in the wrong order, I was born and will die lost and must watch every moment of it from the outside in.
If there is anybody out there with, well, with just as ****ed up a soul as mine and your're feeling like the only one that is that deeply in pain. You're not, theres lots of us. Does it help knowing there are other in the same situation? Well, maybe a tiny bit, but its better than nothing i suppose.