Feel like my life is passing me by - Social Anxiety Forum
 
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2011, 08:04 PM Thread Starter
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Feel like my life is passing me by


I'm 22 years old. Just graduated from college. When I first started applying to colleges I wanted to go to a college in a different city because I was tired of the city where I was born and raised. I mean my home will always be my home but I want to experience new things that I've never experienced before, claim my independence. My hometown feels so small & I feel so limited. My parents didn't let me leave for college. In fact they've held me back from pretty much everything my entire life. For college they allowed me to move into an apartment (thank God) but I was still in my home town. Now that I'm done with school I moved back home with my parents (hopefully until I can find a real job & move out completely on my own). I hate where I am right now in my life. I feel like there is this whole world out there to experience & see & I'm missing out on all of it. My parents never allowed me to travel abroad in school (which I resented). They did not allow me to go to a college outside of the city I've always lived in (which I resented). Now that school is over for me if I ever decide to move somewhere I would have to do it completely on my own, problem is finding a real job that could support living on my own. Finding a job that can allow that seems impossible nowadays. I have been applying & applying & getting no where. I feel like I'll never be able to find a a way of living out my dreams. All the while I am still stuck where I've always been. Limited & held back from the world. I hear about my friends who have continue to live in different cities and I can't help but feel so envious. I am young & I feel like the world is for my taking yet I am held back from it all due to overprotective parents who never allowed me to do anything I actually wanted to do & the lack of funds to live a life based on my own decisions.

When will I ever get to live out my dreams of being independent & seeing the world? I feel like I'll be old & gray by the time any of this will ever happen. I'm not getting any younger. I just want to be happy & I don't see myself being happy being here stagnant It's just so hard not to get discouraged with life right now. Anyone else feel the same? Can anyone offer some words of wisdom?
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2011, 08:36 PM
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It seems like you're stuck in your situation. To get out of it you might have to take a big risk and just simply cut the umbilical cord and move outta town despite their protest.

Safest move ever? Definitely not.
Could it end in failure? Yep.

The alternative is you waste your life playing it safe.

And I doubt anyone on their death bed has ever said, "Oh...man I sure wish I had played it safe and not pursued what I wanted in life, cause it ended in failure. I never should have tried."
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2011, 08:43 PM
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even though im still in high school i think- no i KNOW that what your going through right now is goning to be my future. I cant tell you how i know, i just do. Especially the part where you said that you feel held back. I wanna be able to get out of my stupid *** hometown after i atleast graduate from college. What your going through and what your feeling is what i feel every single day. and I want you to know that ur not alone.
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2011, 10:50 PM Thread Starter
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Yeah...sometimes I wonder if I should just try to save up as much money as possible now & just move out to another city by myself for at least a month. See if I could find a job out there or something. It would probably take me a really long time to save enough money to do that tho...

It just sucks. I wish I already had some family in another city I could live with until I got up on my own two feet. I wish I had really good connections so I could have a legit financially stable job. Its just such a crappy time in my life. When I was in college the goal was always to get my degree so I can use it to find a job & start my real life. Now that thats done...its like ok so when is all of this going to start. Makes me so sad waking up everyday knowing I'm still stagnant and no where closer to living out my goals. All the people I do know that are living in different cities & trying out new lives went their for school or some other kind of thing. I know their parents were more supportive & helped them get their start. If only my parents would do that for me...ugh :/

Thanks for the post Keyla. It really did make me feel better knowing that I'm not the only person who feels this when they wake up each day :/ Do you think your parents would let you move to a different city if you got into a good school somewhere? I believe there are 2 types of people. There are those who NEED the comforts of a small hometown & all their friends & then there are those who are in need of something new & don't enjoy being too comfortable because it gets boring. I believe we are the ones in search of more. I've always loved that about myself. Sometimes I see friends I grew up with that have no motivation to ever leave this town. They cling on to all their friends from high school & have made no kind of progress in life. I mean I can understand why being comfortable works for some people...but its just not for me personally. I want more. I want to see the world & meet new kinds of people while I am still young & trying to figure life out :/ Life is passing me by :/
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2011, 10:51 PM
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thats cause it is passing you by
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2011, 10:55 PM Thread Starter
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So what would you do then Kennnie? If you were not financially stable?
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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-07-2011, 11:28 PM
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Do you really want my!?! advice???
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-08-2011, 01:39 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way, Tiger. I too am 22 years old, except I never went to college. I tried community college for a semester a couple years ago, but hated it, so I quit after that. You aren't the only one going through this. Many people have overprotective parents that play it more conservative than others. I'm also sorry about the job situation. I can't even mentally withstand work, and haven't been looking. So I definitely give you credit for seeking employment.

The only thing you can really do is stay positive. The economy being dismal, as well as your parents being overprotective, are things that are out of your control. Just focus on the things that you can control. I'm sorry I couldn't help much further, but the majority of the time, life doesn't work out more often than it should.
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-08-2011, 01:41 AM
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I feel the same way, sorry I don't really have any advice on the issue.
Hope you feel better soon.
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-08-2011, 01:56 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks jbel & disarray

jbel what did you do after you stopped going to community college? did you find a job? were you able to move out of your parents house & try something new?
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-08-2011, 03:09 AM
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Quote:
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Thanks jbel & disarray

jbel what did you do after you stopped going to community college? did you find a job? were you able to move out of your parents house & try something new?
I actually starting an internship program about six months later that lasted for a year (ended August 2010). I haven't done anything since then except for this temp job that I quit after a month, ha. I moved in with my girlfriend and her mom in January, earlier this year.

I just can't work right now, man. I have no motivation, and my 23rd birthday is coming up, so I'm just feeling extra depressed. I've been slowly paying my credit card bill by selling things on eBay and waiting patiently for my birthday and Christmas. Also, it has been so hot this summer, so I have been cramped up in the house with the AC, not feeling like doing much.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-08-2011, 07:01 PM
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i'm right there with you....


thank you for posting this....its so cliche but its nice to know other people feel the same way. im literally in the exact same situation....graduated from college, moved back home with my parents, unsuccessfully looking for a job and feeling so stuck in my life that its pathetic. no one should have to feel this way, because its my life and i could make a choice right now to change everything.

my best advice to you is to stay positive and remember that everything happens for a reason. this might be a chance for you to really take a leap, and sometimes it takes a desperate situation to give you the courage to finally do it. your parents may not support you at first, but believe me they love you and are just scared of letting you go. go out there and show them, and yourself, that you can be successful on your own. its not going to be easy, but never forget how you are feeling right now to motivate you. trying and failing is so much better than feeling stagnant and indifferent. if you are unhappy with the way things are now, you have nothing to lose!

since i can tell you are looking for specifics, i'll tell you what i'm doing. i made an outline for myself of exactly where i want to be, by when, how i'm going to do it, why i want to go etc., and it's been so helpful to have something down on paper to keep me going each day. the most important thing- FOLLOW THROUGH!!!! really evaluate what you are doing and why it isnt working- for instance i was applying to probably 50 jobs a week, then getting discouraged when i got tons of generic rejections. in this job market you really have to go above and beyond, which i know is difficult when you're feeling ****ty about yourself. be confident, positive, and put a huge amount of effort in everything you do...you'll be rewarded! last but not least....be thankful. it could be so much worse!! you have a loving family, roof over your head, and a college education....all things so many people would kill for!!

good luck and remember that even the most successful people had a time in their life when they failed or didn't know what to do!!!
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-08-2011, 08:08 PM
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Life is all passing us by day by day. There is so much I want to do yet I can't see myself doing them.
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 08-09-2011, 02:48 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for the posts guys. Psp1289 it helps to know someone out there is in the same exact position feeling just as sad & discouraged as me. It is SO HARD to find a legit job nowadays with this economy. Its so hard not to feel discouraged & bad about oneself. I have a bachelors degree & right now I'm working in retail for minimum. How sad is that? Not to mention I hate my job & working in retail/customer service. It is definitely not something I plan on doing for very long. Once I can find a real job I will be out of here in a quickness. Only thing is I don't even know when & how I'll find a good paying salary job. Seems like it will never happen, especially since so many jobs nowadays expect you to have a lot of previous experience. Even "entry level" jobs expect you to have a few years of experience in the same field. I have some experience but not a lot because my whole entire life up till now has been about school & getting my degree.

Sometimes I think about just working my minimum wage job right now & saving as much money as possible so I can get out of this town & move out on my own. It probably won't be for a while because I took out a loan when I was in school so I'd want that paid for & over with before I move on on my own. Even though I think about taking such a huge risk like that (with just buying a 1 way ticket somewhere & hoping for the best) nothing is guaranteed. Say I do save enough to pick up & leave on my own, I'd have to be able to find a legit job wherever I end up. That is not promised. I could pick up & leave & not be able to find a job. Or the onlyjob I am able to find is just another minimum wage position & I'm sorry...minimum wage does not pay for bills & rent.

Such a hard time in life. I always imagined graduating from college would mean the start to my REAL LIFE on my own terms where I was in control of my own destiny. Not like that at all. I'm very limited & it seems like everything I would like to live out is impossible right now. I can't help but feel like a bachelors degree is not the same as it used to be. Seems like now a masters & a lot of previous experience is the "new bachelor's degree".

Ugh. My biggest fear is being stagnant & that is exactly what I am doing with my life right now. I wake up so sad knowing I live out what I'd like to do.
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